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This thread has reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: It is so much easier to accept life as it is and make the best of it - there is a catch however. When we accept reality, and let go of trying to force our will on life and other people, there are feelings to deal with. One of the reasons we keep trying to control someone else (to get an alcoholic to stop drinking for instance) is because with all that frustration and anger, mental obsession and rumination, we don't have time to stop and feel how much it hurts, or how scared we are, or feel the grief of letting that other person go. The reason we try to control other people is to protect ourselves from our feelings - and it is important to admit that. Of course we want what is "right" for them, what is good for them - but we don't know what their "right" path is. Some people are supposed to die of Alcoholism - that is their path. --Robert Burney |
I am in love with Robert Burney, I've been studying his online library for three days now. One of the main reasons I am doing so well ~ his take on codependancy and especially emotions and what to do with them has given me so much encouragement to feel and not be ashamed. HUGE for me... big hugs to whoever introduced the "toxic love" thread :a194: |
:a122: LTD AND Anvilhead in ONE post! WOOHOO! Just like old times! (now, where's Bernadette??) Putme, you've got the best of the best here, givin' ya GOLD! I would add, I insisted if my AH JUST quit drinking (which I was sure he couldn't do), THEN things would make more sense. Of course, he said he quit (I'm over 1000 miles away, so was he lying? God knows!), and then I realized...that isn't half my issue. That doesn't "fix" him! His anger, denial, lack of communication, drama, lack of apology, ad naseum. Dang! We are asking them to change this or that, but the fact of the matter is, they don't work for us as THEY want to be. Hugs. |
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