Family problems
 

My brother is an alcoholic. Part of me feels that I shouldn't complain about this, because God knows I have my own problems and faults. I also don't want to blame my decisions on this but, I remember first 'going off the rails' because of my brothers drinking and aggressive outbursts - thinking that I could find an alternative way of coping with it and whatever I chose to do wouldn't have such an impact of my family.

But, anyway. Since I remember my brothers drinking has caused problems. I remember being a child and having to be woken up and taken to a family friends house with my little brother because my brother, then about 13, was in hospital having his stomach pumped. I didn't really understand it then. As he got older, the drinking and anger got worse. he threatened to hit me, broke down my bedroom door, threw things at the walls.. it was a nightmare. And my brother and I were still young and at school. We were always scared of him coming home, frightened of what mood he would be in. I can't count how many times I would sit in my room crying. I think it affected me in ways I still can't explain. Now, he still drinks and can still get angry if you don't agree with him, or do what he wants after he's had a drink, but it is much better. A couple of years ago, I met him after work and I was crying telling him what he's done to the family, and all he could say was that he know's he should stop, but just can't.

I have my problems, but I have never done what he has to my family. I am not making excuses, but it is true. I do blame him slightly for the things that I have done. Not fully, but he has definitely played a part.

I don't really know why I am posting this, I haven't actually told this to anyone before - too ashamed for people to know what happened behind closed doors I guess. But, I need to get things off my chest, so wanted to post this.

Dear isola,
I am glad that you posted, for you will be understood here, and not stand out as strange. many others have lived lives very similar to yours.

I am sorry for your sad childhood. it should not be that way ever, for children especially.


hugs
chicory

Identifying the issues in me from growing up in my family is challenging, tough work. For me, its about accepting and rejecting responsibility, rather than placing blame, and working out how what happened affected me and is still affecting me today. Gaining better insight into my triggers and my co dependency can help me learn to break free of self damaging behaviours. It sounds like you're already on the road to self discovery. It's hard but you can get there. :hug: