Really trying to turn it over...
 

I am in the midst of a separation from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this, without question. He does not and has stepped back to determine if our relationship is what he wants. At first, he stepped back angrily saying he wanted to end things for good. I did not feel I did anything to provoke such anger. And I realize there is much for him to be angry about right now so I did not take his words personally. Then in a matter of days, his anger subsided. And now, he is reaching out with caring, confused and introspective thoughts and words, saying whatever happens he has 'tremendous love and care' for me.

He is a recovering alcoholic who recently received a cancer diagnosis and now has plans to move 1500 miles away. The question is - does he want me to go with him?

I want to be in his life now more than ever. We have had our challenges in the past 2+ years, but the times we have spent together have been wonderful beyond belief. My love for him is deep and real. I will take the good with the bad.

I know the best, the only thing for me to do right now is to pray... and listen and meditate. I have stepped back to allow him time and space to ponder what his future looks like. He knows what I want.

Staying busy, not talking about it much and the Serenity Prayer are helping. But sometimes obsessive thought takes over and I want an answer or some sort of hint now.

I am really trying to turn it over...

What stage of recovery? New?

One year? several years? several weeks?

Hi Yogagal -

Welcome to SR! I don't have much insightful things to offer today - but you have come to the right place. Al-anon is also a wonderful tool to help guide you through the process!

Years of recovery! He's been in AA for 20+ years although he has gone out briefly several times during that period. I worry that the stress he faces now might send him out again. That's one reason I am stepping back against my wishes. His sobriety comes first. It always has and always will. I am at peace with that because without it, he would not be in my world. I believe he is in close contact with his sponsor right now and I am so grateful for that. His sponsor is a wonderful man and I consider him a good friend. I have distanced myself from that friendship as well as they sort things out...

Thank you for your thoughts. Al-Anon gives me comfort, so do all of you. My friends just look to demonize him, not understanding the disease of alcoholism or the stress of a cancer diagnosis. They don't like to see me hurting... and I love them for that. I don't like to hurt, but I believe so strongly in our love, I am not going to let go, not without a swift and stern kick in the butt from my Higher Power.