Divorce books?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 277
Divorce books?
I was curious if any of you utilized books as you went through the process of divorce. It's daunting...and expensive to see a lawyer each time a small question pops up in your head.
I am hoping when we split we will do the paperwork ourselves and not get into the lawyer grenade throwing routine. However, the forms are confusing!
I will seek counsel as needed but I thought a book or two may start me on the right course and so that I can ask the really good questions when on the lawyer's timecard!
I am hoping when we split we will do the paperwork ourselves and not get into the lawyer grenade throwing routine. However, the forms are confusing!
I will seek counsel as needed but I thought a book or two may start me on the right course and so that I can ask the really good questions when on the lawyer's timecard!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
This is a book store that is local to my area but they are awesome and do have lots of books, forms online. If they can't help you (not sure if they only cover california law? then some similar type of legal bookstore may be able to.
Lawyers, Legal Forms, Law Books & Software, Free Information - Nolo
Lawyers, Legal Forms, Law Books & Software, Free Information - Nolo
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Write down all the questions that you may have and, if you have to ask an attorney about them, ask them all at once. I'm not a lawyer, but I bet they bill in increments (like by the quarter hour or half hour) even if your call/visit takes 5 minutes. That way, if you do have to talk to one, at least you are getting your money's worth.
No advice on books - sorry....
No advice on books - sorry....
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Look on the web -- there are many resources there. This looks like a good one and has an area for state-specific laws/issues as well: Divorce Advice, Laws, and Information from WomansDivorce
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Are you and your husband able to talk to each other? Can you negotiate stuff in a civil manner? That can cut WAY down on the legal bills.
I had a workbook (I don't have it anymore and can't remember the title) that had worksheets for figuring out stuff like living expenses, necessary documents to gather, child support/visitation considerations, etc. My ex and I set aside one afternoon a month (we were "separated" but living together) to discuss what we wanted and what we felt was fair. We agreed on everything (some of it required some discussion, but nobody got too upset--we each tried to keep an open mind). We had two lawyers--his (cheaper rate) reduced our agreement to a legal document, and mine (more expensive) reviewed it and suggested a couple of minor changes. We added the fees and split the total evenly.
There are many good books out there depending on your individual situation. If one of you owns a business, has a job with a pension or sales commissions, if you have kids with special needs, or other unique circumstances like a lot of assets or debt, that's where you need serious legal advice at least to tell you what you are entitled to or might be obligated for.
Mediation can help a lot, too, if you can't agree on something. It's cheaper than going to court if you are willing to follow the mediator's recommendations.
I had a workbook (I don't have it anymore and can't remember the title) that had worksheets for figuring out stuff like living expenses, necessary documents to gather, child support/visitation considerations, etc. My ex and I set aside one afternoon a month (we were "separated" but living together) to discuss what we wanted and what we felt was fair. We agreed on everything (some of it required some discussion, but nobody got too upset--we each tried to keep an open mind). We had two lawyers--his (cheaper rate) reduced our agreement to a legal document, and mine (more expensive) reviewed it and suggested a couple of minor changes. We added the fees and split the total evenly.
There are many good books out there depending on your individual situation. If one of you owns a business, has a job with a pension or sales commissions, if you have kids with special needs, or other unique circumstances like a lot of assets or debt, that's where you need serious legal advice at least to tell you what you are entitled to or might be obligated for.
Mediation can help a lot, too, if you can't agree on something. It's cheaper than going to court if you are willing to follow the mediator's recommendations.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 277
I think we'll be able to talk when we really decide to split. At least I hope so.
I am trying to get a pass through the documents on my own so that I understand what's going on before bringing him into it. The level of detail makes my eyes roll back into my head and I lose focus quickly.
I wish someone could hold my hand through it and my A is not the one for that, neither is a lawyer!
I appreciate any and all advice / books / websites.
I am trying to get a pass through the documents on my own so that I understand what's going on before bringing him into it. The level of detail makes my eyes roll back into my head and I lose focus quickly.
I wish someone could hold my hand through it and my A is not the one for that, neither is a lawyer!
I appreciate any and all advice / books / websites.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel 
Write down all the questions that you may have and, if you have to ask an attorney about them, ask them all at once. I'm not a lawyer, but I bet they bill in increments (like by the quarter hour or half hour) even if your call/visit takes 5 minutes. That way, if you do have to talk to one, at least you are getting your money's worth.
No advice on books - sorry....
No advice on books - sorry....
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Do you have a friend or co-worker who has been through a divorce recently and could possibly help you with your confusion? I've been divorced 15 years. I've modified the decree 2 times since then. I've been through those papers so many times I could easily explain 99% of it to someone in your position...as long as they were a resident in my county and/or state. Obviously you don't want to rely on someone like me to make BIG decisions, but just breaking down the lingo into something you can understand is very helpful.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
It may be different in other states, but in my state there is a Family Law website with all the forms and instructions there - linked to mostly writeable PDF's. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't hire legal counsel...but if you and your husband can agree on your terms, it will be much cheaper.
However, in going through my first divorce, I found it beneficial to retain a lawyer for review of the terms we created for each other. It wasn't too expensive (about $2,000 total for my side) and well worth it to know my interests were covered and I was getting my rightful share. Just MHO.
However, in going through my first divorce, I found it beneficial to retain a lawyer for review of the terms we created for each other. It wasn't too expensive (about $2,000 total for my side) and well worth it to know my interests were covered and I was getting my rightful share. Just MHO.
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