LeadHatter

and i have only really been actively working on reconfiguring my head for 10 days or so.

already i am thinking that i have rescued someone in the chatroom and can see myself doing what i presumb is caretaking behavior after them

thing is i know i have brought them a great wisdom with recommending a good codependency book which i 2 am reading and they are very early days dry drunk [10 days or so] so they might not yet be strong enough to get/understand the whole ask ask ask idea for when you need help.

I figure i will taper off the support and caretaking support slowly and hope they step up but a part of me does still feel good to see the positive effect i can have

fourmaggie

I see no harm in what you did....your advice was the book

they can take what they want and leave the rest

FindingPeace1

We struggle with helping around here!
First off, was your help asked for?
Second, are you doing something for them that they can do themselves? (maybe they would never have discovered that book)
Third, can you not be obsessive about it now and leave it be?

Helping is not a bad thing, it is a wonderful thing. We can get attached to the outcome and over-meddly, though. It's a balance.
peace

passionfruit

Most of us have codenpendent ways.

That be why we are here!!

Babyblue

It is always ok to help people. It is when it is taking away from our own self worth and emotional health that it is codependency. Cuz you are a helpful person doesn't make you a codependent!