GettingBy

I'm meeting with the attorney at 11 today. He's got the papers ready for me to sign. I will be officially retaining him as my divorce attorney, and signing the summons and complaint paperwork. Step 1 of the divorce process - initiation of the lawsuit.

I'm sad but I'm also very much detached. It's kind of eerie how detached I am. I have thought this through all week and keep coming back to - I have no other choice. We can't live together anymore. Well, I won't live with him anymore. Period. And the only way to separate and truly protect myself, and him, is to divorce. In a divorce - there are clearly defined rules about how marital assets are split, custody and child support are established, etc. Anything less than a divorce (trial separation, etc), and both of us are exposed to risk - ie. he leaves, he risks losing custody of the kids and I get stuck with the burden of paying the whole household bills. He or I could rack up credit card debt, or make big purchases that the other would be on the hook for.

Do I think that either of us would do something to intentionally hurt the other? No, but I also don't want to be naive. AH's emotions could swing from guilt to anger... he could get mad at me, decide to shack up with somebody and run up a bill for various things. Better safe than sorry.

He asked me last night if I wanted to send the kids off to family this weekend... he wanted to "talk." I said I didn't know yet. I told him I was going to the attorney today to get the divorce process started. He seemed stunned. I think he believes that there's a way to talk me out of this. I'm done talking... well, at least about our marriage. I handed that over to HP a few weeks ago. We do need to talk about how things are going to be separated... but that's it.

I have a very heavy heart this morning.

Happiness Fairy

GettingBy -

I feel like I was reading my own life. I am exactly where you and your AH are at. I signed papers on Wednesday based on the exact same thought process you have. I also feel very attached and my AH truly believes that I am giving him another chance. I have no choice but to have him served with papers because he laughed (in between tears, begging and denial) and said he doesn't want a divorce and will never leave or sign anything. He doesn't understand that this is it...

My thoughts and prayers are with you today. I feel your pain and hope you stay strong just as I am struggling to do. From what I can tell based on others, it gets MUCH better. I'm going to believe that.

kittykitty

Getting by and happiness,



Stay strong, both of you. It's reading stories like yours that help me stay strong in my experiences with my ABF (who i am now leaving), and know that just because it's a difficult decision to make doesn't mean it's the wrong one.

Hugs and prayers to you both!

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I am in the same boat but have not started the paperwork (waiting for house to sell). I think they stay in denial right up until the end. I believe that is how they deal with alot of things in their life. My girlfriend is going though the same thing and told him in January she was divorcing and he freaked on her this week when she talked about it. You see, in his mind, they are getting along fine and he thought she forgot about the divorce. It is such a no win situation with them.

I expect mine to do the same and that is why I am holding off saying anything until we have separate addresses. I told him we are separated as of January but do not want to deal with all the A drama until I am not living with him. He has put us all through enough the past few years with the drinking, I am going to do this in my timeframe and not his.

GettingBy

Well, the papers are signed and will be filed in the County Court House this afternoon. I signed them, sat back down, and was overwhelmed with emotions. I couldn't hide it, and the lawyer sensed it right away. He asked if I was okay, did I want to change my mind? I said, "No, this is the right decision, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm just overwhelmed with the fact that I just signed my intent to end this marriage."

It's overwhelming. I'm sad. But I know it's right.

We too have to sell the house, neither of us can afford to keep it. We'll have to figure that out... it may delay the final divorce decree, but that's okay. I have to keep moving forward, otherwise nothing will change for me. The paperwork today just initiates the process... it takes time to negotiate and resolve all sorts of stuff.

For me, I was tired of all the talk. Talk, talk, talk... and nothing changed. No more talking, just action.

Linkmeister

This quote is on my Facebook page today: "The hardest thing to do in life is usually the right thing to do."

It's staying there for the foreseeable future as a reminder of my hard but right decision.

We all face that "hard but right" decision, GettingBy and we're all with you ad you go through this.