My partner is a codepenant and my relationship is failing HELP!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: corona,ca
Posts: 1
My partner is a codepenant and my relationship is failing HELP!!!
Hi all,
My name is Nichole and I am new to this site, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, she is the daughter of an alcoholic and a huge codependent. I would love to say that I knew what I was getting myself into when her and I starting getting serious, I really thought I did. I didn't know what codependency was I just thought that once she was away from the situation it would take a load of she shoulder but that is not the case. I have tried to deal with the issues and the problems of our relationship knowing that I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but what i am not wanting to spend the rest of my life with is her MOTHER. My partners mother is a sever alcoholic, ignores my partner all the time, tells her that she is not good enough and compares her to other adult children, breaks promises you name it she has done it. Recently it has begun to effect my relationship more due to the fact that my partners mom has been in and out of the hospital over the past year because she keeps falling and breaking parts of her body. Now my spouse will run to her mothers side coddle her and tell her that its all going to be okay ect... then come home and treat me like ****. She pushes me away starts arguements basically does whatever she can do to create a drama filled enviroment which I cant live in. Its an on going process and I dont want to give up but i need help please any advise on how do deal with a codependent spouse would be amazing.
thanks, nichole
My name is Nichole and I am new to this site, I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, she is the daughter of an alcoholic and a huge codependent. I would love to say that I knew what I was getting myself into when her and I starting getting serious, I really thought I did. I didn't know what codependency was I just thought that once she was away from the situation it would take a load of she shoulder but that is not the case. I have tried to deal with the issues and the problems of our relationship knowing that I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but what i am not wanting to spend the rest of my life with is her MOTHER. My partners mother is a sever alcoholic, ignores my partner all the time, tells her that she is not good enough and compares her to other adult children, breaks promises you name it she has done it. Recently it has begun to effect my relationship more due to the fact that my partners mom has been in and out of the hospital over the past year because she keeps falling and breaking parts of her body. Now my spouse will run to her mothers side coddle her and tell her that its all going to be okay ect... then come home and treat me like ****. She pushes me away starts arguements basically does whatever she can do to create a drama filled enviroment which I cant live in. Its an on going process and I dont want to give up but i need help please any advise on how do deal with a codependent spouse would be amazing.
thanks, nichole
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Can you encourage her to go to an Al-Anon meeting?
Actually, YOU would benefit from Al-Anon, even if she won't go. Your life is being affected by someone else's drinking, albeit indirectly. Al-Anon can help you learn good boundaries and how to detach from someone else's craziness.
Ultimately, you can't "make" your partner recover any more than someone can "make" her mother recover from her alcoholism. We can't save someone else. But we CAN save ourselves.
Hugs, stick around. Welcome.
Actually, YOU would benefit from Al-Anon, even if she won't go. Your life is being affected by someone else's drinking, albeit indirectly. Al-Anon can help you learn good boundaries and how to detach from someone else's craziness.
Ultimately, you can't "make" your partner recover any more than someone can "make" her mother recover from her alcoholism. We can't save someone else. But we CAN save ourselves.
Hugs, stick around. Welcome.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I agree with LexiCat that Alanon is a terrific resource for face to face support in your life. You will also find support and information here, 24/7.
One of the first things I learned at Alanon and here was the 3 C's:
I did not cause it
I could not control it
I would not cure it
That applied to my Alcoholic partner, and it still applies in my business and personal relationships that involve crazy behaviors.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed
I agree with LexiCat that Alanon is a terrific resource for face to face support in your life. You will also find support and information here, 24/7.
One of the first things I learned at Alanon and here was the 3 C's:
I did not cause it
I could not control it
I would not cure it
That applied to my Alcoholic partner, and it still applies in my business and personal relationships that involve crazy behaviors.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed
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