Blogs


Notices

Advice definitely necessary

Old 03-30-2011, 06:36 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5
Advice definitely necessary

My boyfriend is 3 years sober and still very active in the program( sponsor, sponsees and daily meetings)... His dedication is amazing. I am a "normie" and i do occasionally drink, but that has never been an issue with us.

recently, our roommate got married (very suddenly) and her new husband is at our house on his days off.

Well here's the problem, on his days off my roommates husband proceeds to start drinking at noon and it makes my boyfriend very uncomfortable. we've expressed this to both our roommate and her husband, but the nooner binge drinking still persists and better yet, their marriage seems to be falling apart.

This has caused sooooo much stress on my relationship. My boyfriend and i seem to be fighting more and about miniscule things and our ability to communicate with each other is dwindling.

I just don't know what steps to take next. To protect my house, my friendship, my relationship, and my bf's sobriety.
jtee is offline  
Old 03-30-2011, 06:42 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 28,960
Do they still live with you and your BF? If so, it sounds like that needs to change. Their marriage isn't your responsibility and if it is causing problems between your BF and you, then they need to go.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
barb dwyer (03-30-2011), jtee (03-30-2011), kmkluvr1 (03-30-2011), seekingcalm (03-30-2011), wicked (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 06:47 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5
They do still live with us. She is on the lease with me and it's up in two months (kind of an important detail) I just wish my roommate could understand how important it is to me that my BF stay strong and adamant in his program and I feel that her husbands incessant drinking (when he isn't even on our lease) is not only disrespectful, but a liability.
jtee is offline  
Old 03-30-2011, 07:21 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Blog Entries: 2
IMHO attempting to get her to a) care and b) change is a waste of time.

I'd spend my time working on myself, letting go of the bf sobriety, and taking extra effort to ensure the two of you have time away from them.

Have you and your bf openly discussed the situation? Maybe making a plan together to support your relationship would help too.
transformyself is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to transformyself For This Useful Post:
kmkluvr1 (03-30-2011), StarCat (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 07:28 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Why cant they go to his house on weekends and drink?

What the heck?

Pretty disrespectful regardless of a person in recovery in the house.
Buffalo66 is offline  
Old 03-30-2011, 07:35 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 28,960
Originally Posted by jtee View Post
They do still live with us. She is on the lease with me and it's up in two months (kind of an important detail) I just wish my roommate could understand how important it is to me that my BF stay strong and adamant in his program and I feel that her husbands incessant drinking (when he isn't even on our lease) is not only disrespectful, but a liability.
It IS disrespectful but it's only a liability if your BF allows it to be. Your BF's recovery is his and if he is going to stay strong and adamant in his program, it's on him. If he's been in recovery for 3 years like you say, I'm sure he has faced situations like this before. If you cannot convince your roommate and her husband to knock off the drinking, he's going to have to use the tools he has to deal with it.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
johnnymau (03-30-2011), seekingcalm (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 07:49 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
If the new husband were not on my lease, he would be out on his drunk @zz!
Binging every weekend in your home?
Yeah, he can take it to his house, or wherever he drank before he found his wife.
Your house, your rules.
And just because she is on the lease, does not give her license to make everyone else in the house uncomfortable with the drunk she drug home.

Okay, maybe a softer approach with your roommate is called for.
Ask her to make some time for you to discuss the changes that have been happening lately.
She may be at a loss and has no idea how to say no. If she is codependent, she might be scared he will get mad, blame her, make her miserable.
Has your husband said to the drunk "Hey, I got a problem with you getting faced in my house?"
Drunks can be irresponsible and dangerous.
I have called the cops on my daughter and her friends.
I have been in recovery for 14 years, I do not allow alcohol in my house, they brought it in, and had to take it out.
Never came back.

be careful.
They are not your problem or responsibility.

Beth
wicked is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
johnnymau (03-30-2011), keepinon (03-30-2011), LexieCat (03-30-2011), RollTide (03-30-2011), seekingcalm (03-30-2011), StarCat (03-30-2011), Verbena (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 04:13 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree. If he isn't on the lease, he isn't entitled to live there.

Does your lease have any provisions restricting who can live in the apartment? If so, you can bring it up with the landlord if the husband continues to drink in the house.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
StarCat (03-30-2011), Verbena (03-30-2011), wicked (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 04:47 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Verbena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 192
Lexie makes a good point. Talk with your boyfriend and go to the landlord. None of my business but are you and your roommate the lease holders? Is your boyfriend even on the lease?

Are these people planning to leave when the lease is up? Or can you and your boyfriend move?

This all sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Three years sober is a milestone. Your boyfriend deserves a medal. He's demonstrated courage and hard work. Geeze, gal throw that bum out.

If you are a "normie" like me then you have no real understanding what your BF's been through to stay sober for three years. I certainly don't claim to know from the inside. But all the reading and studying I've done over the last year has led me to understand that recovery for an alcoholic is harder than anything I've ever had to do in my life.

You may have to decide here who is more important to you--your boyfriend or your roommate who has disrespected you and your BF by bringing a drunk into your home.

I apologize if I've been rude or too blunt but I'd do just about anything to help my AH if he could take that leap to get sober.
Verbena is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Verbena For This Useful Post:
jtee (03-30-2011), LexieCat (03-30-2011), StarCat (03-30-2011), wicked (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 05:23 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5
yeah, it is definitely a delicate situation. I love my bf for who he is now and wouldn't want him to revert back to old habits..or even feel tempted to. But thanks for the words of kindness and advice you guys.
jtee is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to jtee For This Useful Post:
wicked (03-30-2011)
Old 03-30-2011, 05:24 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Verbena View Post

You may have to decide here who is more important to you--your boyfriend or your roommate who has disrespected you and your BF by bringing a drunk into your home.

I apologize if I've been rude or too blunt but I'd do just about anything to help my AH if he could take that leap to get sober.
no it's not rude, it's the truth. so thank you
jtee is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to jtee For This Useful Post:
wicked (03-30-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:10 AM.