Court update!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 174
Court update!
I am sorry I have been so busy!! I meant to update earlier. It went amazingly well!
Got to the court house..awkward silence for like 20 mintues as I was a bit early and there is only few spots to sit so we were like on opposite sides of the benches.
My advocate came and we went in and the judge asked him if he objects the order...he says no.
The judge was extremely nice and helpful. exA asks if he should get a rental since the order is in place for a year unless I decide to dismiss it. Judge says no if it was him he wouldn't because I stated on there as soon as I get rental assistance I will find a place. Then he asks about his stuff and the stuff in the garage. (snowmobile, 4wheeler, tools,) I said I have no prob with you taking that stuff, he has to have an officer assist him. It was all about HIM and HIS freaking stuff.
Then he asked about watching the kids since I have my CNA classes at night for 3 more weeks. The judge said it is fine and we can do a third party person we both trust to communicate and can do curb side drop off/pick ups. I even offered him to watch them in the hosue since my class is over at 10pm. The judge says no it will be to complicated for the officers to monitor the hours and it would be fine for him to take the kids to his mom's (where he is staying)
So I have his mom right now as the third party, I do trust her and feel better with the kids staying with her too while he visits them. If anything gets complicated I can always switch the third party person. He's like well I need to ask my mom since it's her house to watch the kids there.
Then exA goes on about what happened, which the judge didn't even mention anything about it or domestic abuse charges,(no one pressed charges) He says, "What happened was, there was a text mix up and got sent to the wrong person which she came home from the cities and tried to take my phone away and then I should have gave it to her but didn't and I was trying to get out of the house in the garage..." He was trying to put the blame on me of course. The judge kind of ignored that and then exA goes on and on about his belongings and his stuff and blah blah, well what about me me me me.
I didn't really have to say anything. All he asked was if I was going to court for child support and visitation stuff and my thoughts on visits and if I was okay with the plan.
After the hearing I felt kind of bad for him....almost wanting to drop the order. Thankgoodness I had that women's advocate because I swear I would have told them to drop the order.
But then realized that I am in charge of looking at the best interest of the kids and myself. I am not in charge of feeling sorry for him because he has to live at his parents or because it is inconvienent for him or he is not happy about it.
He made it sound like watching the kids was a burden and he didn't seem to care if he got visits or whatever all he cared about was himself. I feel bad for my kids that their dad has to be this way.
Thankfully his mom was on board with being the third party and she is helping out with the kids for me. Sorry its kind of a scattered post I gotta hurry and get to school!
Got to the court house..awkward silence for like 20 mintues as I was a bit early and there is only few spots to sit so we were like on opposite sides of the benches.
My advocate came and we went in and the judge asked him if he objects the order...he says no.
The judge was extremely nice and helpful. exA asks if he should get a rental since the order is in place for a year unless I decide to dismiss it. Judge says no if it was him he wouldn't because I stated on there as soon as I get rental assistance I will find a place. Then he asks about his stuff and the stuff in the garage. (snowmobile, 4wheeler, tools,) I said I have no prob with you taking that stuff, he has to have an officer assist him. It was all about HIM and HIS freaking stuff.
Then he asked about watching the kids since I have my CNA classes at night for 3 more weeks. The judge said it is fine and we can do a third party person we both trust to communicate and can do curb side drop off/pick ups. I even offered him to watch them in the hosue since my class is over at 10pm. The judge says no it will be to complicated for the officers to monitor the hours and it would be fine for him to take the kids to his mom's (where he is staying)
So I have his mom right now as the third party, I do trust her and feel better with the kids staying with her too while he visits them. If anything gets complicated I can always switch the third party person. He's like well I need to ask my mom since it's her house to watch the kids there.
Then exA goes on about what happened, which the judge didn't even mention anything about it or domestic abuse charges,(no one pressed charges) He says, "What happened was, there was a text mix up and got sent to the wrong person which she came home from the cities and tried to take my phone away and then I should have gave it to her but didn't and I was trying to get out of the house in the garage..." He was trying to put the blame on me of course. The judge kind of ignored that and then exA goes on and on about his belongings and his stuff and blah blah, well what about me me me me.
I didn't really have to say anything. All he asked was if I was going to court for child support and visitation stuff and my thoughts on visits and if I was okay with the plan.
After the hearing I felt kind of bad for him....almost wanting to drop the order. Thankgoodness I had that women's advocate because I swear I would have told them to drop the order.
But then realized that I am in charge of looking at the best interest of the kids and myself. I am not in charge of feeling sorry for him because he has to live at his parents or because it is inconvienent for him or he is not happy about it.
He made it sound like watching the kids was a burden and he didn't seem to care if he got visits or whatever all he cared about was himself. I feel bad for my kids that their dad has to be this way.
Thankfully his mom was on board with being the third party and she is helping out with the kids for me. Sorry its kind of a scattered post I gotta hurry and get to school!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Sounds like things went as well as can be expected!
Yeah, can you imagine all the cr*p judges have to listen to day in and day out??? They have heard it all a bazillion times. I'm sure they are QUITE capable of calling BS when they hear it!!
Yeah, can you imagine all the cr*p judges have to listen to day in and day out??? They have heard it all a bazillion times. I'm sure they are QUITE capable of calling BS when they hear it!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Very happy for you--glad the judge was helpful. The good ones are very good about working out practical solutions.
One bit of unsolicited advice--PLEASE do your very best to stick to the terms of the order. It's very easy to feel like things are going well, get casual about it, and pretty soon he's taking the proverbial mile because you gave him an inch.
Just be pleasant but firm about it. Call the police if there are ANY violations. If he has a good defense, the court will sort it out.
Hugs, good job!!
One bit of unsolicited advice--PLEASE do your very best to stick to the terms of the order. It's very easy to feel like things are going well, get casual about it, and pretty soon he's taking the proverbial mile because you gave him an inch.
Just be pleasant but firm about it. Call the police if there are ANY violations. If he has a good defense, the court will sort it out.
Hugs, good job!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
One bit of unsolicited advice--PLEASE do your very best to stick to the terms of the order. It's very easy to feel like things are going well, get casual about it, and pretty soon he's taking the proverbial mile because you gave him an inch.
Many hugs, big step today!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
