Boundaries. Still.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Boundaries. Still.
So I've been using the following mantra
I am willing to change.
This, coupled with more mantras, such as, "I am willing to release the need to be (INSERT ISSUE I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH FOREVER HERE)
such as, I am willing to release the need to be impoverished, chaotic, reactionary, ect.
This is really shaking things up for me.
For one, I'm less emotional and more detached. More able to stand back, not speak and watch and decide to engage or not.
My boundaries with others are really changing. I'm less judgemental or however that's spelled, and more able to choose how I want to interact with folks.
creating a boundary starts, for me, with awareness of myself and how I'm entangling in unhealthy ways. Man, it's like heaven.
MY layout guy, who is snarky and says things that annoy me? I was feeling horrible about myself and have been focused on him. He's snarky and mean. But recently I realized it's really because I come unprepared to our meetings, he has to walk me through things and makes fun of me because I give him ammo to shoot at me with!
Lately, for whatever reason, i don't have that trigger i just see it as, oh, I better fix this and don't get caught in the emotional hook. It's all ACOA stuff. Love me, PLEASE!! Over look my glaring defects PLEASE!!!
Well, this guy aint' my father, he's my employee. And I'm 46 years old for crying out loud. I dont' need to react like a child to **** anymore.
So we are working on the April issue of the paper. Yesterday, I spent less than 45 minutes with him, was completely ready and professional and got the heck out without reacting to his snark. He was trying to get attention from me before I left!
And when my narcissistic business partner has her melt downs because she's got a crisis, I just hand it back to her. I help, I do what I can, but I see things differently now, with the absence of emotion.
Now she's talkiing about selling her share of the paper. Awesome.
I am willing to change.
This, coupled with more mantras, such as, "I am willing to release the need to be (INSERT ISSUE I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH FOREVER HERE)
such as, I am willing to release the need to be impoverished, chaotic, reactionary, ect.
This is really shaking things up for me.
For one, I'm less emotional and more detached. More able to stand back, not speak and watch and decide to engage or not.
My boundaries with others are really changing. I'm less judgemental or however that's spelled, and more able to choose how I want to interact with folks.
creating a boundary starts, for me, with awareness of myself and how I'm entangling in unhealthy ways. Man, it's like heaven.
MY layout guy, who is snarky and says things that annoy me? I was feeling horrible about myself and have been focused on him. He's snarky and mean. But recently I realized it's really because I come unprepared to our meetings, he has to walk me through things and makes fun of me because I give him ammo to shoot at me with!
Lately, for whatever reason, i don't have that trigger i just see it as, oh, I better fix this and don't get caught in the emotional hook. It's all ACOA stuff. Love me, PLEASE!! Over look my glaring defects PLEASE!!!
Well, this guy aint' my father, he's my employee. And I'm 46 years old for crying out loud. I dont' need to react like a child to **** anymore.
So we are working on the April issue of the paper. Yesterday, I spent less than 45 minutes with him, was completely ready and professional and got the heck out without reacting to his snark. He was trying to get attention from me before I left!
And when my narcissistic business partner has her melt downs because she's got a crisis, I just hand it back to her. I help, I do what I can, but I see things differently now, with the absence of emotion.
Now she's talkiing about selling her share of the paper. Awesome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by transformyself 
Lately, for whatever reason, i don't have that trigger i just see it as, oh, I better fix this and don't get caught in the emotional hook. It's all ACOA stuff. Love me, PLEASE!! Over look my glaring defects PLEASE!!!
I have a really hard time overcoming the learned helplessness I picked up from my mom while I was growing up. I so used the "I had a bad upbringing - it's not my fault!" card whenever there was a character defect about me that was causing me problems. It may not be my fault - but it IS my responsibility. I especially struggle with this on issues of physical appearance and general well-being. I am overweight and out of shape and in my head I tell myself "Yeah, but - I don't drink, use drugs, run around...." Excuses -all of them! A part of me just wants people to accept me for what I am - and its great when people do that - but appearances count for something; just not everything. My Higher Self is beautiful inside and out and takes responsibility (and credit) for both when they happen - which is not often.
<sigh.....>
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thank you transformy, funny how things work out when you start dettaching and giving importance to what deserves importance (YOU!). I also sometimes find myself feeling things or thinking things and am more able to go "wait a minute... is this really me? perhaps I am acting like someone else (its often my mom) .. and I am different?" this alone is a huge step forward!!
Also in a party last weekend I saw people who are not friendly at all with me and was starting to worry then I thought "as if they were wonderful people in the first place" and proceeded to enjoy myself...
((HUGS))
Also in a party last weekend I saw people who are not friendly at all with me and was starting to worry then I thought "as if they were wonderful people in the first place" and proceeded to enjoy myself...
((HUGS))
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