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The reverse silent treatment....

Old 03-27-2011, 05:38 PM
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The reverse silent treatment....

So here it goes. Since my AH went behind my back and told his ex wife we are separated and he is in AA for 6 mths (lie) it's been like 3 weeks - maybe 5 meetings, when we sat down with the attorney for the custody hearing over my step daughter, it comes out that he is an A and we are separated. I had no freaking clue that he would have told her that! I could have crawled under the table and died!!

So, he preceeds to leave and be pissed at his ex. I'm in shock that he was that stupid! Especially when he tried to deny it to the attorney and the attorney showed him the text messages! So 1. I am upset for him calling his ex wife with our material issues (which has happened in the past) and 2 for not letting me know he told her and get blind sided by embarrassement AGAIN!

I had nothing nice to say to him so did not speak from Friday until tonight when I got weak. I texted him if he wanted to talk and he stated he wasn't in a good mood. So I said ok. Then he precedes to tell me that since I haven't wanted to speak to him, nor spend any time with his daughter this weekend then he guesses I am too busy putting myself first.

That's what I get for not sticking to my recovery. I picked up the Language of Letting Go for March 27th - Afterburn and thought dang! Wish I would have read that before my weakness hit!! Just shows me he is not in recovery, he is not "getting it". Trying to make me feel like the guilty one when it's his disease and his laziness that started this crap!

So mad! I need warmer weather so I can get outside, get some Vitamin D and get my mind on track! I'm gonna stick to this 90 days, 60 more to go...
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:50 PM
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So he's upset that he told his ex he's struggling with his alcoholism and she said this in court?! Am I getting it right?

What in God's name did he think she'd do with that info? Hug him and sing kumbaya?! Actually, given the "poor me" attitude that my own AH espouses maybe he really thought sharing that with her was a way to get pity and there'd be no impact for him related to his child...

I'm sorry you are having to deal with the fall out-- and I know that feeling so well of saying "oh why did I respond or engage in that at all" after the fact... You'll get "better" each time, I'm sure... If I can manage to be doing better (something I NEVER imagined), than anyone can! Seriously...
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:56 PM
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Thanks! I guess it just upset me that I was doing so well and bang! one moment of weakness, lonliness, I sucked back in! I got to get back on track... more readings and journaling to do tonight!
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:05 PM
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I've been there soooo many times.... Doing so well and in one fell swoop I am sucked back in and I'm frustrated only w myself bc it happens when I expect that I will get a different reaction than the one I know in my gut I will get from my H and I reach out anyway and it's a disaster each time.
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:56 PM
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Expect to be sucked back in - it happens to all of us. I just completely fell off the wagon myself, and bigtime! I believed the liar. He's a LIAR! What was I thinking?!!

So I spent the weekend being partly stunned and partly immersed in my own reading to shore myself back up again.

Onward and upward, progress not perfection. But these slips hurt like hell, huh?!
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