Ponder

I've looked in the past threads here in this section and can't find any questions on it, so here goes.

Have any of you experienced weight gain or loss dealing with the stress of living with an alcoholic?

After the nutter ex-husband left and we got divorced, I lost a lot of weight. I was so devastated.

Now? I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I know a good 50% of the cause is me constantly sitting on my ass with a nose in a textbook, trying to maintain that 4.0 grade average. (and my mother said I was too stupid to go to college pfft.. what did she know? Nothing apparently)

After reading here about how depressing it gets dealing with this sickness, and yeah, I'm depressed as hell, I'm wondering if that's another contributing factor.

pixilation

There was a thread a few months ago about what stress does to the body, and the differences that others felt after they left the alcoholic. I'll try searching for it.

Found it! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-w-alkie.html

Shirt423

I went from weighing about 130lbs to 110lbs in the matter of about 3 months because of stress caused by my ABF. I am now back to 120 but there were entire days that I ate nothing and the thought of food made me sick. People's bodies react in different ways to stress. Also my skin did not look good, just lack luster, and my hair was thinning. I won't forget the day that my mother told me I look terrible and sick and should see a doctor. I made it a point to eat after that because I didn't even realize the physical effect the stress was having on me.

tjp613

I self medicate with chocolate so, YEAH, I've definitely gained weight!!!!! However, I used to drink pretty heavily to cope with the crap life dishes out, but being here on SR has opened my eyes so much about it that I only have maybe 3 glasses of wine per week now....down from about 15.

I'm a work in progress!

Ponder

Thanks for the replies everyone, and thanks for the link to that thread Pixilation. That was a very interesting read. My hair hasn't fallen out yet, but it is getting grayer faster than I can color it, it seems lately. That might be just getting old though. lol

StarCat

You know, now that you mention it, I was losing hair faster than I thought I should. My hair is really thick, so it doesn't really show or anything, but it has slowed down drastically.

My weight fluctuated wildly when I was with XABF, because we'd vary from going out to eat too often, then not eating at all because he was a drunken mess and didn't feel like eating and would get impatient or insulted when I tried to eat.
It's more stable, now, but I do have to get into my exercise program, time to trade some fat for muscle.

nodaybut2day

Yep...when I was with XAH, I got real skinny during the stressful times because I tended to overexercise to deal with the stress (and to get away from him). Then XAH complained that I looked like a boy so I quit martial arts and ate lots of junk (he was addicted to junk food). I gained some weight and got some cleavage back, which made XAH happy.

When I got preggo, we were so poor that we were on milk, eggs and juice coupons. The milk coupons were only for 3.5% milk so I gained LOTS of weight. I went from 120 lbs to 170 lbs during the pregnancy. I was BIG. Then, post baby, it took a while for me to lose weight, but that's because things were "happy". When he started drinking heavily again and abusing sleeping pills and staying out at night, I started to lose more weight. Also, I was nursing on demand day and night, so it took its toll on me. Finally, when he forced me back to work and DD reverse-cycled (nursed like crazy when I got home from work and all through the night), I got very skinny due to the lack of sleep and the constant stress of being accused of infidelity + surprise visits at my work. I went down to 110 lbs, was crying all the time and was about to breakdown.

Finally, when I left XAH, I started to sleep better, eat more and I also had to wean DD at the age of 2. My weight evened out to the 120 lbs it is now. But I figured I lost a good 170 lbs of dead weight, so I'm happy.

Linkmeister

I call it the divorce diet..........LOL.......

Thumper

Yes - the I lost about 40lbs during the months surrounding the separation and early divorce. I lost it to fast but I needed to lose it so I was actually physically healthier at that point. Then I moved and some of the overwhelming anxiety was gone and I gained 50lbs back because I ate and ate and ate. It is a hard cycle for me to break now. Life is big, it is really hard to find time and energy to exercise and I eat when everyone goes to bed which is a big no no when you are old like me, lol.

Buffalo66

When RAH was active and living like a bum, I was at home with our son, and I was so unhappy with myself. I medicated with food and drank too much on the weekends when son was at grandmas.

I went from 125 to 150.
When I went no contact for a period of time, I lost a bunch of weight, because I focused on me, took care of myself, got more active with our son.

Then I gained again, when I tried to live with him active.

When he went to rehab, I was at median weight. When he came home, I cooked, we ate. I kind of normalized, but I was always on edge, so, I did not eat much while ruminating. Self deprivation.

No that he is gone, I am not ruminating as much, and I eat pretty normally. I have to work at that. I am 40 something, so, medicating with junk really adds up quick, so I try to snack on healthy things.

Its hard on a woman. you want to feel good about yourself, and the stress and neglect and abusive behavior can take a toll on self esteem, and its just made worse by either gaining a ton or losing til you look sick.

I dont think you are alone in this.

Ponder

I was thinking about this a lot last night. It's not like my eating habits have changed drastically at all. I rarely drink alcohol, if it all since I realized my boyfriend was an alcoholic. I think it has a lot to do with not wanting to go anywhere, just stay home. It seems every activity outside the home revolves around booze.

Let's go fishing = him getting drunk
Lets go camping = him getting drunk
Lets go to my friends house = him getting drunk.
etc. etc. etc

It sucks

SashaMB

I lost a lot of weight (especially relative to body percentage) leading up to and following leaving STBXAH. I went from 118 to 98 over about 4 months. I also had/have terrible insomnia. Now that we've been apart, no contact, and almost finally divorced (divorce will be final next month), I am finally starting to sleep better. I have always been an avid exerciser, but in the months after I moved out, I found that I had a hard time doing anything: eating, moving, breathing, just getting off the couch in any capacity. I started getting a little bit worried when I dropped under 100 lbs, and I definitely think I was depressed.

But it gets better! In January, I returned to exercise, and it was sooooo cathartic! I love exercise more than ever, and I find that the endorphins have really helped get me out of my funk. Also, hard exercise requires me to eat more so that I'll have the energy to get through my workouts. My sleep is slowly getting more regular, and I definitely think the exercise has helped with that. Plus, I joined a gym near my house, and the classes that I go to have allowed me to start making some new friends, so it's been good for getting a life.

Finally, I also committed to a new year's resolution of "getting a life." I joined a book club, met a couple of great girlfriends (whom I credit with literally getting me off of my couch), and I am consciously going out and doing all of the things that I love that I forgot about/wasn't allowed to do when I was in the madness of living with STBXAH.

My weight has somewhat stabilized at 102, which is thin, but a bit healthier. The more important thing is that I've finally stopped losing weight, and I feel like I have some control over my body/health now. It's definitely a mind-body connection, and it's nearly impossible to be physically healthy when you are emotionally unhealthy. But the good news is that you can and will heal! I'm not completely there yet, but my optimism is back, and I feel like my real self is also back.

GettingBy

Same here on the weight loss... I get at least a comment a day that I look sickly thin. I've dropped about 18 pounds and am skinnier now than I have been in over 15 years. It's stress for sure. I too go days where I somehow completely forgot to eat (I'm forgetting boat loads of stuff these days).

I'm so ready for life to settle down.

StrongEnuf

I would like to think of my weight loss as a good stiff kick in the pants and the confidence booster that helped me see the relationship I am in is not a healthy one.

I was not overweight when AH and I met, but over the years and 4 kids I put on tremendous weight. I was depressed, and lonely. I tried countless times to lose the weight but emotional eating got the best of me.

Last year after AH was arrested for Domestic Assualt, I vowed that I would take better care of myself and put my energy into working out and keeping myself healthy. I quit smoking, and went on to lose 60 lbs. Of course AH blames my weight loss on the my sudden self confidence in myself and so do I but in a differant way. He knows that my weight had always been an issue for me and everytime we fight he would bring home dinner, take me out to dinner - cater to my emotions with food. Now I no longer allow him to sugar me up so to speak.

keepinon

I gained weight when my daughter was just getting going in her alcoholism/addiction, but when she came back from rehab and I could tell it wasn't going well..I actually LOST MY APPETITE..dropped 10 lbs between Thanksgiving and Christmas..freaked me out as I am quite an eater!Was a wake up call that I really neede help..

Ponder

I decided to take better care of myself and fix this ever growing nightmarish ballooning of my butt. Time to focus on me, not ABF and his problem.
Three other online friends of mine have all decided along with me to eat better and will be checking in daily to give support. I'll miss the chocolate cake, but I long to fit in my clothes collecting dust in the closet more.

Tuffgirl

OMG I am forgetting stuff like CRAZY! Just this morning, I went searching the office for my coffee travel cup. Looked in the kitchen, all the cupboards, fridge, etc. Went around asking colleagues, "Has anyone seen my coffee travel cup?" Finally, one last sweep through the kitchen and I found it. In the sink. Right where I had left it yesterday. OMG I have lost my mind. I looked at that damn sink twice, with the cup sitting RIGHT THERE and did not see it. Twice. Sheesh.

Oh yeah - I have lost 10 lbs but that's a good thing - I needed that ..the memory and distraction stuff sucks!

Shellcrusher

Ditto.
Then again, in my case, it's worse. At least you had some goggles on or a gigantic winter parka obscuring your vision. Right?

Tuffgirl

LOL! It's almost MAY...and almost springtime in my neck of the tundra.

No, just blonde hair! And the memory of an 85 yr old with dementia. No offense intended to 85 yr olds with dementia.

bookwyrm

My mum calls these C.R.A.F.T. moments: Can't Remember A F***ing Thing! I don't get them as much as I used to now I'm living on my own with no-one gaslighting me. It does get better!