JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I have been doing so well and then all of a sudden I broke down today. Can not explain why, just got all emotional and started to think about what I am doing. Is it the right thing? Has anyone else gone through this after they have finally decided to go ahead and get a divorce?

suki44883

Change is scary. It's normal to wonder if we are doing the right thing, the closer it comes to being reality. Sometimes, going back and reading our first posts will help us remember why we made the decisions we did.

BTW - You have been struggling with this since November, 2008.

Seren

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. My xH decided to divorce me so he could be with his GF....meh. Took the divorce all the way up to the point at which all that was needed was the judge's signature. Then he started to hem and haw about wanting counseling but wouldn't give up the GF. So I told him to have the judge sign or I would.

Funny thing, after all that, it was when I decided I wanted the divorce that I had this huge roller-coaster of emotions to deal with. From what I've read here, it seems to be a pretty common part of the whole, sad process of divorce.

I'm sorry you are feeling blue, but know that it will pass. Huge hugs! HG

FindingPeace1

That, as some wise soul mentioned here last week, is what grieving feels like.
Just feel it and keep moving.

Hugs,
peace

djayr

All I can say is YES, my emotions are all over the place! I am 9 weeks apart from AW. I'm filed for divorce because of her unfaithfulness, combined with being done with the merry go round of alcoholsim. No kids, 16 years of marriage.

I've been thinking about my part in all of this. She says I emotionally abandoned her. I'm still having coffee or dinner with her every week or so, and I'm starting to feel sorry for her because: 1) she's talking about quitting drinking; and 2) she seems like she might actually be sorry for what she's done.

I know this is insane, but it's SO HARD to walk away from a long marriage where we've been through so much together, thought we would grow old together, stick it out through thick and thin, etc. I'm probably not even 25% of the way to final divorce. For one thing, she can't even discuss it without crying. She wants to come home. She wants me to repeat the pattern of picking her up, forgiving her, and moving forward -- which I have done hundreds of times. And what is wierd is that now that I've had a chance to recharge my batteries, I could probably do it!

So that's when I question myself. What am I doing hauling my wife out to the curb like a pile of trash? On the other hand, am I SO messed up from living with an A for 16 years I have the man's version of "battered wife syndrome"?

I read Codependence No More and it could be my autobiography. I have been deeply affected by AW's drinking and I honestly can't even trust my thought patterns. They might be dysfunctional or unhealthy. It's like I have to give myself a pep talk -- I deserve happiness, I should not have my thoughts enslaved to this needy person, I should not have to live with such worry and lies, etc.

But there is something else at work in me that wonders if I can forgive her, if she can change, if we can recapture the goodness of our love that is real (when she is sober), etc., etc.

I guess I am simply saying that I have never experience such mixed emotions as I am right now, filed for divorce, trying to get crying AW to go to rehab, trying to stay detached, trying to imagine the legal, financial logistics of divorcing a drunk person. Sometimes I could just give up and say, I give up!

Hang in there, I will try to do the same.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I am starting to realize that it is just part of the grieving process and it just plain sucks. I know I have to stay strong and not give into it. Thank God I can come here to people who totally understand and will get me back on track when the grief starts to hit.

Thank you!!

PS If I am feeling this way before even filing papers, what are your guesses that I will be like once I file??

GettingBy

I am so right there with you!!! I had a full on panic attack after meeting with the attorney last Thursday. I think it's normal but we cant let the fear keep us from moving forward.

A gal from my al-anon home meeting recommended an al-anon book for me to help me through the grieving process..."Opening our hearts, transforming our losses.". I ordered it but haven't gotten it yet. She said it was amazingly helpful to get her through her divorce. I got mine through the on-line store...
Al-Anon Online Store : Home

and this point, I'll try anything!!

FindingPeace1

Bless our hearts.
When I told my AH I was serious about divorce, I had...not quite a panic attack, but I devolved into a sobbing, incoherent mess on the bedroom floor for a few hours. Panicked, terrified, distraught...
I get it!

LaTeeDa

Feelings are not facts, they're just feelings. Go ahead and feel them. Let them pass. Then make decisions, based on facts.

L

zrx1200R

I think it proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are human. And a nice, normal, well balanced person too. A self centered SOB wouldn't give it another thought.