Healty Relationship? Ok. So, everyone here can tick off all of the qualities of an unhealthy relationship. Right? Since I'm going to be single again soon (not that I'll be ready for a relationship for a long time) What are some qualities of a good relationship? Things that we should look for |
Effective Communication |
I have NO frakking idea, so I'll be watching this too. |
Communication Honesty Respect |
Originally Posted by suki44883
(Post 2906931)
Communication Honesty Respect Trust |
RESPECT I think everything else good stems from that, in all relationships, not just romantic ones. If your friend/partner/spouse/co-worker/boss/lover/date/sibling/parent/child/acquaintance/etc respects you, and you respect them, then working out some of the bumps/hiccups elsewhere is doable - because both parties respect each other. I like suki's list. |
If you see I didn't quite finish my last sentence above. Sneaking posting behind my AH's back definatley not a healthy quality! lol |
Well, just for my personal list, I would definitely add sense of humor. I have to have someone who can make me laugh. That, too, can help get over some rough spots. |
clean pee tests? j/k - sorta |
Well, if we're going to talk about personal lists, I have to have someone who "gets" my nerdiness. Doesn't have to like everything I do, but some joint likes would be nice. |
Personal list: Humble Excellent Work Ethic Not afraid to get dirty Likes to Hunt/Fish/Get outside Healthy in both spirit and body Long-term planner and thinker Humorous and able to understand dry humor Patience |
This is good! all good stuff! its nice to be focusing on the positive rt now! Keep it coming1 I have a lifetime's worth of healthy behavior to learn! Pretend you are teaching a foreign language! I'm sure this will help a lot of people! For me.. Someone who see's me shine and doesn't try to put out my light! |
Well, shellcrusher, I only possess a couple of those qualities on your list. :lmao |
Originally Posted by suki44883
(Post 2906982)
Well, shellcrusher, I only possess a couple of those qualities on your list. :lmao |
Something healthy to look for is do you find yourself able to be you in the relationship or do you find yourself being what you think the other person wants you to be? |
Um... ahh..... um. Well, ah. Dang it. Cyranoak P.s. You might start by focusing on having a healthy relationship with yourself, as an independent and single person. When you are done with that, maybe you won't need to know what a healthy relationship with somebody else looks like. Maybe you'll already know? |
Someone here posted this and it hit home so much that I am now living by it-in a good relationship you do not complete each other--you complement each other. I loved this. We do not need other people to complete us. We need to complete ourselves and whoever we decide to get involved in a relationship with-of any sort--needs to be complete and not use you to complete them. Complement each other--I thought that was a great way to put it. |
If your in a recovery program within a marriage with family, kids, and since everyone is affected by our drinking or drug addiction, everyone having some sort of program to work themselves is a plus to a healthy happy family unit. I grew in my AA program leaving my family of 25 yrs. scratching their head as to what happened in our little family. What happened was I spoke the language of recovery in the family and they spoke normal language. It was like talking to different languages with no one understanding a word each other said. Im blessed with a second marriage where recovery is important to the 2 of us. We are both from long term marriages and love to travel on our Road King. Communication, trust and honesty is important. An NO secrets. Honesty in all our affairs make a wonderful healthy life. :) |
I could answer a big list...openness, communication, honesty being some, but really, part of our life's work is to define this for ourselves. :) Even though we are wonky from years of partnering with an A, we have that wisdom within. We just need to find it! |
Emotional intimacy is key. Without that you can't have a healthy relationship. The ability to communicate (including non-verbal) on an emotional level with your partner. I read this last night and learned stuff! Emotional Intimacy |
Generosity of spirit is one of my favorite qualities in a person. |
Decent manners Treats all the people the same way |
Cyranoak I liked your post , yes that's exactly how it goes ....... !! |
I started trying to think of a list, and wrote something down, and discovered I had just described my Al-Anon group. :lmao I agree with Cyranoak's post, first we need to focus on having a good relationship with ourselves. Once we know how to treat ourselves well, then we know the great balance in relationships between ourselves and others. After that, make some great new friends, if you're still nervous. Great friends are valuable and irreplaceable anyway, and yet they're more informal than the average "dating" relationship - especially if you're like me and commit too early. And you can have as many friends as you want at the same time! Nobody gets jealous, and right now, after XABF? I am a great fan of relationships where there's no chance of anyone becoming jealous, especially over stupid things (like having friends). |
This is an interesting thread, and just what I needed to read today. I've been really pondering this as well, reading lots of good literature about healthy relationships, talking to my sponsor, going to meetings (4-5 a week) and working the program by connecting with friends, etc. I've also started dating again and wow, has that opened up a whole lot. I've made my list of "Must have" qualities in a mate, "maybe" and "NO"...and realized that each of my previous relationships landed solidly in the "NO" category. Interesting! By looking at what I've written I can see how I'm focussing on not making the same mistakes. I'm getting there. Sometimes it's really hard to not slip back into the crazy-ness that feels "normal" on some level, but now I can say that I feel the crazies coming on and am learning to "do nothing" at those moments--I have promised myself that I will only contact my sponsor and well-established program friends when I feel that way. No more regrets after placing phone calls or texts (or e-mails) that I wish I hadn't sent along. I've learned that it's okay to be imperfect, and in fact, wonderful to have so many facets to myself. I've been working on total forgiveness of each person in my life who has hurt me and to forgive myself for my experience of that pain, for holding onto it and letting it be a reason for me to continue to choose unavailable people, because that's how I learned to define "love". I'm falling in love with myself. Yay! And knowing that I am precious and special and deserving of love is all that I need. So as I date, and feel that old part of me pulling me toward self-abandonment, I remember: when I leave this Earth, the only relationships I will leave with is the one with myself and my HP. No one else is more important than that. So for me the qualities of a healthy relationship are the ones that I would be willing to extend and maintain with, and for, myself. And for me that begins with absolute self-honesty, integrity, willingness, openness, spirituality and healthy ways of coping with difficult feelings. If I know those feelings inside of myself, I believe that I will be more able to see and experience them with another like-minded and like-hearted person. Thank you for this thread. I'm still reading, working to stay on top of my tendencies to slip back into the painful familiar. By reading your words I have a chance to check in with myself, especially with that inner 12 year old who still isn't quite sure of herself. So I'd like to hear lots more thoughts on adding to this list... Big, big hugs, posie |
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