Bittersweet
 

I get our son Wed afternoon thru Sun afternoon. This weekend i decided to go out with some friends on Saturday night leaving the boy with my parents. No big deal, had a great time, and got dropped off at home, leaving my truck at a freinds. that information got back to XABF/father of son, he was pissed, and called multiple times to yell at me for it and how bad of a mother i am to not spend time with my son. Oh please, whatever. I stayed completely calm and let him do his thing, did not engage in an argument. After about 6 times of him calling back, he THEN says he is sick and not to bring our son over at the normal time, to figure something out in the morning. i work at 5am, i dont think so, i am not waking our son up at 4am to drive 15 miles to bring him to you. No, so i said i will bring him the normal time, today and that is that.

When i got there, he was hiding or pretty sure passed out in his room,he lives with his mom now that i kicked him out, and i did not see or talk to him. Whew

Well his unemployment check still comes to my place, and yesterday he showed up to get it, then just stands there staring at me, this would usually send me into a lecturing of sorts on everything i have already said a million times. i can see by the look in is face, that he is desperate to be able to.....i dont know...... feel, open up, be freed of all of this BS, but he is just too prideful, scared, controlled by his addiction, thinking i am the enemey, to say anything.

so i say completley calm, "i can see you are upset, is there anything you want to talk about?" he says yes, but reamains quiet, i tell him, "i am always here for you", he laughs like "ok yeah whatever and storms off". and that was it.

i am very proud of myself for not engaging and getting upset, and thank you all so much, just reading here everyday, has helped me with that. But still oh so sad that he is......not able to see clearly, and express anything, or trust even me the mother of his child, the person who has done everything for him for 4 years, and loves him very much. Good and bad/sad ending.

Thanks for listening.