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I left my husband

Old 03-22-2011, 08:56 AM
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I left my husband

My father is an all day drinker who drinks to stop the shakes. I just left my husband and I'm staying in my parents' house as addicts and bank accounts tend to be bad friends.
I'm still recovering from the terror of my time spent with a binge drinker/drugger (he would keep me up at nights, banging on doors, yelling at me, etc...)
Can I post my story here, just to get it out. Was going to Al-anon meetings for a bit, but it's so hard to just YELL what you gotta say!
I spent four years with my husband and have been through so many indignities of what a relationship is supposed to be. I had almost given up on myself and was so close to being resigned, but luckily there was still something inside of me that was still alive.
I'm out, but I'm a mess.
I'm trying to rebuild, but so many things are making that difficult for me right now and then I'm feeling shame that I can't get it together now. I'm feeling conflicted about the relationship I had with my husband and am starting to think more critically about the relationship I have with my father. Will we ever be free?
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:02 AM
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Hello RECF, and Welcome to SR!!!!

Scream, cry, vent all you want. You have found a wonderful place where people completely understand everything you are experiencing.

I'm sorry for all you have been through lately and the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings you must be experiencing. I'm also glad you have decided to make a change. Many people here have been helped soooo much by this place and the face-to-face support of Al-Anon meetings. Some meetings just aren't the right fit, so I would encourage you to try others.

Please stick around! Keep reading, especially the stickies at the top of each forum--really great, basic information!

The good news is, you can most certainly be free! We can and do find happiness regardless of whether the A's in our lives are drinking.

Huge hugs and prayers,
HG
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:15 AM
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I remember yelling at the cemetry...omg did i feel free!

u do what you need to do for YOU....

the 3 C's
you did not cause this
you can not control this
and there is no cure

keep reading and moving forward and stay in al anon...it works!
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:24 AM
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Yeah, I've been going on these crazy walks - two and three hours long. Just getting lost in crying. I think I'd like to go to an Al-Anon meeting again. I think before, I really just needed to TALK, to get it all out. I live in NYC, though, and it can be hard to find someone to approach after meetings to talk more - people have so many things to do!
The point is that I'm out. And though it's not healthy to be around my father - he's not keeping me up at night yelling at me and coming up with new and inventive ways of making me feel horrible
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Old 03-22-2011, 09:31 AM
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Welcome to SR, I am glad you have found us. We are here 24/7, and there is so much wisdom and support in this forum.

Here's to your peace and serenity, and the beginning of a better life.
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:20 AM
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I broke dishes in the garage once. A whole box of dishes I was going to donate. Concrete floor. You get the picture....

It is freeing to just let it all out. I felt better, even having to clean up the mess. And no one was home at the time so it was just me and my anger.

Welcome to SR - this is a great place to vent, ask questions, get advice and hear others' stories. I use SR daily in conjunction with Al-Anon twice a week...has been very helpful in my own recovery from this mess I have found myself in.
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:44 AM
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RECF I am happy you are out. No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse. Although you are not in an ideal place living with another alcoholic it sounds like it is a safe place.

Just keep taking care of you. I am happy you have not given up on yourself.

This is a great place to come and talk about whatever you need to. If you find that the AlAnon meeting you are going to is not working, maybe try another. Even in NYC there are people who are living what you are living. Maybe after being there for awhile you will feel more comfortable and look for a sponsor.

Welcome, I am happy you are here.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:13 AM
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I am glad you were able to leave your abusive AH. I am sorry that for the moment you have to stay with your A Dad, but it sounds safer and saner than where you were.

I suspect you have some PTSD going on right now. Just because we weren't in the war in Iraq or Afghanistan does not mean that we cannot suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Might I suggest that you do some 'calling' around to find a counselor or therapist that 'specializes' in addiction (because they are also great with those of us that have codependency issues with an A) and one that also has a 'sliding fee scale' form of payment.

Also, in going back to AlAnon and finding some meetings that you attend regularly you will also start to find some face to face folks that you can talk with.

Anything that helps to give you some serenity.

And, of course, please continue to come here, rant, rave, scream, cry, and even laugh, but keep letting us know how you are doing because we do care so much!

Love and hugs,
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:34 AM
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So glad you are here!! Welcome.

This is a wonderful place to vent and work out your thoughts and feelings where you can get feedback from others who have been where you are and understand.

It's so often helpful just to be heard and validated and told you're not crazy.

I came here before I left my EX who was a chronic binge drinker spiraling downward and who had started using pot regularly to manage his anger.
I left him and went to stay with a friend who sadly also had issues and that relationship ended abruptly.

I am now making an escape from a bully of a landlord from whom I rent a room.

The bright side of my journey is that along the way I focused on makingthe best decisions I could for myself and my future and hope to complete a purchase of my own home in the next couple of months.

The journey may be rocky, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and just focus on the next right decision for you and your well being, and you will regain your strength emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It takes time to move mountains, but they do move.

I wish you the best and hope you will share more of your journey here.

Alice
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:51 AM
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Hi and WELCOME. I just wanted to chime in to tell you to post as much as you like. I was a forum hog for a while and I felt no shame. SR was there for me when I needed it, even if it was late at night, nursing my baby, while trying to type looooooooooong posts or chat in the chat room.
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