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-   -   Single Parent in a Marriage (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/222836-single-parent-marriage.html)

wanttobehealthy 03-23-2011 11:13 AM


Like jayscott describes, we are left to take care of everything, make it all better, be responsible, clean it all up, and make life livable for our children. And some days that just doesn't seem fair. Some days I wish I could be the irresponsible one.
This is so where I am right now-- I am tired of being the responsible one... Having a disease doesn't give you a life long right to make life 100x harder on everyone else... and yet my AH seems to think that "it's a disease... i can't help it... sorry" is the solution/answer to everything. That attitude makes me furious.

jamaicamecrazy 03-23-2011 03:47 PM

That is one of my biggest resentments-the fact that he could detach so easily whether through alcohol or one of his projects. He was not "irresponsible" per se but he knew I always had his A** covered. I always used tot say "when is it my turn to do what I want and not have to worry?" Right now its more like "when do I get to have a midlife crisis?"
Now I realize , after having lived on my own for 6 months, that I can have a balance of both. I can have cereal for dinner or go out late with friends and yet I know I still like the feeling of living in my house with my son and being responsible for my self, my bills, my job, my happiness.

Tuffgirl 03-23-2011 08:49 PM

You all crack me up...and those of you trying to take this back on-topic, thank you! We got a little carried away, huh? Or would that be eh? in North Dakota?

Thanks all. I had some good bonding on top of good advice and some good laughs out of this thread! It's so nice to hear I am not the only one feeling resentment at carrying the load myself. I am realizing more and more that being a single parent has more benefits than being married and being a single parent. Looks like that is now my road again, and I embrace it with all its challenges.

Screw this life. I am ready to be free.

lillamy 03-23-2011 09:27 PM

:lmao Tuffgirl, you are doing a stereotypical Alaska thing: You're steaming and being pd off more than usual because it's breakup time. Trust me. I'm a raving lunatic at current moment. I've cursed and yelled and cried at work. And I never do that. It's just crazifying with this on again, off again, maybe springlike weather.

Not to diminish the fact that being a single parent when there is another person who ought to be parenting with you is infuriating.

It's sort of like... my thing with cleaning. I love cleaning my house now that there's not a drunk guy sitting downstairs in front of the TV while I'm doing it. I'm not doing any LESS cleaning, and it's not really any more FUN, but somehow, it's easier when I know from the get-go it's just me. I think you're right, that that awareness makes me set my expectations at a better level...

Cyranoak 03-23-2011 09:35 PM

I've always wondered about that...
 
...you're from Quebec but:
  1. You speak English well.
  2. You don't mind fraternizing with US Americans.
  3. You don't have a superiority complex.

    Either you're not really from Quebec, or maybe those are just ridiculous stereotypes perpetuated by the media and others.

    Cyranoak


Originally Posted by nodaybut2day (Post 2908096)
ok, but do you CHEW the intestines *yourself* for that real Alaskan-y feel???

FTR, a lot of Americans still think that people in Quebec get to work by dog sledding :D



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