Stella27, Great way to put it! May I quote you? LOL...

Want to be,

I am unclear about whether he is staying with you and the kids, still, and if that is the case, then that is making it very hard to go no contact, Im sure.

If he is in the house with you, or if it is impossible to not be in contact right now, I would suggest, for your own peace of mind imagining him as a toddler or 5 year old.

Things are not going his way, he is not getting what he wants. Some well behaved children will whine about that, and then let it go, but even the best behaved kids throw tantrums sometimes. Mine is in a stage where he will say shocking things to try to get things back to what he wants.

Try to imagine that your A is a tantrumming child. He is trying/saying anything to cause you to back off, to change your course, to give up, but...
we all know, as parents the worst thing you can do with a child in that case is give in, or they will amp it up next time. My kid will also try to engage me in tit for tats to keep the struggle going. HE just wants control.

This is just what your A is doing.

I have started to go quiet with my son, and my RAH. LOL. They both dont know what to do with it.
Just dont dance.

He is trying to upset your apple cart....

Want to be,

He is not staying with us. He has been around more than I'd like bc it was D3's bday... Yesterday he was "getting his stuff" together and I stupidly stuck around while he did that (bc the girls wanted to chill at home and I figured it would be okay... Stupid me.

Great image-- absolutely right...

I know that the problem is me bc when I go quiet he knows just what I am doing and starts in accusing me of being passive aggressive, controlling etc... And everytime without fail I take the bait and respond. It's idiocy on my part. I HATE being accused of being all these awful things but I know that when I start to defend it will only get worse....