Return from Rehab

Old 03-20-2011, 12:38 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 103
Return from Rehab

I just need somewhere to talk, just for a second. Or nine.

My husband just returned from rehab a few days ago. He'd had a few day visits ... they were OK.

I feel like, now that he's back for good, things are back to the way they were. He's not drinking, but the same behavior is still presenting itself. He has his wall up and is isolating himself and me. He is still acting selfishly (no compromises). We had to discuss financials (turns out rehab isn't cheap and I'm the sole breadwinner right now) and he seems rather pissed that I am asking him to contribute financially to the family unit. I can't handle this all on my own.

I am doing better with setting appropriate boundaries, etc., but I know I still have work to do. The anger is still there though. The lies he told ... the manipulation. I'm still mad about it. And he is back but still doing the same actions. That hurts.

Today we have spent the day in opposite corners of the house. Each time I have tried to talk to him (granted, very few), he has had his wall up. I know it's "one day at a time," but I'd like some semblance of normalcy. Right now I feel like we're not going to get back to that point.

Everything was easier when he wasn't here. The house was taken care of, bills were paid, dogs were fed, etc. Now that he's back I'm just stressed. I'm taking time to do things for me (catching up on TiVo, knitting, etc.), but there is still that ache in my chest. I have only been married for six months. Can we get back to where we were? What am I supposed to be doing right now with a husband two days out of rehab? I try to communicate with him so he knows where I stand, but when I do (which, again, is rare ... I've noticed that one of my issues is OVERcommunicating), I get shut out. It feels like things are where they were before he left ... nothing's changed except for he doesn't drink.

I know I am to be patient, but sometimes I just want him to be him again.

Thanks in advance for your help and your gentleness.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:10 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
DO you work your own program..go to alanon?It can help you set boundaries and focus on yourself...I don't htink your situation in uncommon..recovery isn't a magic pill..resentments are still there.the person isn't who we thought they would be sober..the behaviors have your husband working a program?Isolating is a huge red flag for he following his after care treatment..if not.everything is going to look really the same because although the substance has been removed, the behaviors can stay..
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Old 03-20-2011, 08:35 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
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Welcome and hugs to you!
My husband will probably never do rehab, but what I have read here many times is that rehab doesn't heal alcoholics.
It is the start.
Clears their head enough to start the recovery process.
I have heard a year minimum is a good expectation for the same ol' same ol'.
Maybe after a year there could be some growth.

If you are sticking it out, I'd recommend lots of alanon to keep you sane.

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