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Should i ask MIL to kick him out?

Old 03-19-2011, 11:44 AM
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Should i ask MIL to kick him out?

Everyday is a different emotion, one day i am good with having civil contact (for our sons sake) the next day i want nothing to do with him, because he seems so happy, like nothing is happening to us or our family situtation. very frustrating. i had to kick him out 2 months ago, and of course he goes straight to his mothers, where she knows everything that is going on, but stiill lets him live there, enabling his drinking. whenever we (MIL) and i talk, she says we need to do an invervention, and i have no clue how to do that, and just shrug it off. I dont think she should be letting him live there! I know that i can talk to her and tell her i how feel, but is this a good or bad idea to ask her to kick him? I dont want to get myself all worked up over it, and then it not happen or it does happen and only lasts for a little while, or them both lieing to me about something. i am not sure if i should just let it go and he pulls the stuff on her that pulls on me , if it will happen eventullly. But i also feel that he cant do it alone and that i need to try everyting i can before i give up. Just very confused, we did have boundries but i gave in and we have been civil since then......just lost and i know that as long as he somewhere to stay he wont hit his bottom.
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Old 03-19-2011, 11:51 AM
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Alcoholics will hit their bottom when they are ready. It doesn't really matter where they are. So far as asking your MIL to kick him out, that's really not your call. You can only control what you do in this situation, not what she does or what he does or anything else.

Do you attend al-anon meetings? They can be a valuable source of support and can teach you how to detach from whatever your husband or even your MIL chooses to do.
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:16 PM
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It's not your job to tell his mom to kick him out, and it isn't your job to make sure he hits his bottom.

You have done what you needed to do for yourself. They have to make their own decisions. You can't control either one of them.
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Old 03-19-2011, 04:34 PM
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Exactly what Lexiecat said. Kindly I say, stay out of it. Make it his and her business, not yours. Your business is you and your child.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

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Old 03-19-2011, 05:22 PM
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I know how you're feeling and I feel very similarly right now. It's hard to see the person you gave so much to and wish things could have been different with, acting as if the demise of the relationship doesn't phase them at all.

My AH is acting as if our being separated is a big joke. He is being meaner than ever and like you, I wish someone would set him straight...

I am trying to remind myself and accept that no one can get him to hit bottom or take life seriously except for him. It's really heartwrenching to admit this to myself and it sounds like you're in a really similar place.

I'm sorry you're hurting too... Hang in there...
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Old 03-19-2011, 05:54 PM
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thank you all, i guess i knew the answer all along but......you know, just SO HARD to watch someone that you love and want to be a family with, not care. it sucks.
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Old 03-19-2011, 06:51 PM
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It is hard but I believe that they really do care but just do not show it. Mine always keeps everything inside and is very passive agressive. Don't think for one second that he does not care about you, he is just doesn't know how to show it. I read that an A emotionally stops growing when he started drinking and this appears to be true.
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Old 03-19-2011, 07:42 PM
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discussing a son's failure with his mother will most likely result in resentment from the mother.

What do you have to gain? Probably just another enemy. Doubt you'll gain an ally.
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