Afternoon stroll

Old 03-18-2011, 06:05 PM
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Afternoon stroll

Friday's are hard for me. I guess the anticipation of Friday night and the weekend and knowing that I don't have any plans. But it was a beautiful day so I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. On the way home I ran into my AH. For the first time in a LONG time he actually looked happy to see me. We exchanged some general niceties. He was on his way to the pub for his Friday night meal. He complimented me. Then he leaned in to kiss me. Well I have been thinking a great deal about last week's hug fiasco and setting clearer boundaries. Without any hesitation I just backed up and kept talking. He looked so hurt. I know I did what was best for ME. I know I need to put MY needs first. But I have this temptation to call or text or email and tell him its not because I don't love him it's because every time we hug or kiss its like ripping off the scab of a wound that is taking so long to heal.(I think someone used those words on this board and I thought it was such a great visual)
But I don't owe him any explanations. He certainly didn't give me any when he yelled "Get your hands off of me!" one day when he initiated the hug. Then again maybe he will see that I am starting to accept life without him and he may realize what is really at stake.
And this is me taking a 3 minute encounter and replaying it from every angle.
Somebody slap me and tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT!
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:04 PM
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(Just had to... you did ask!)
It's hard. But hang in there. We're here for you.

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Old 03-18-2011, 11:01 PM
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I saw from a distance my XAH. We have been divorced 3 1/2 years. I saw him out of a window from work. He was working laying brick. It is the first time he has worked in 5 yrs. He did not see me. I maintain indoor plants so went on to my next building. I missed him for a minute. I wanted to watch him but caught myself and went on to my next job. He must be driving now because he lives 45 minutes away. I got home and saw all the Charlie Sheen insanity on tv and realized......yep it is better not living in the insanity. I see I have more work to do in recovery but am mainly glad he did not see me and I didn't go talk to him. I have been in gratitude that I have gone on with my life. I did/do love him but cannot have an active alcoholic in my life. Let go or be dragged. I am glad he is driving again and is working so maybe he will keep his house. I am glad I don't live with active alcoholism anymore.
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Old 03-19-2011, 03:27 AM
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same planet...different world
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You are correct. You don't owe him a 'feel good'.
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