Blow out
 

Ok. I have been trying to keep it calm and tonight things came to a head. The long of the short of it he has to use some excuse for the split and it is not the drinking. So guess what, I am having an affair. I get so tired of the BS that comes out of his month. He has been trying to get me to be with him and it is not working.

I was hoping (for financials reasons) to live like roommates until the house sells. He blew up tonight, accused me of having an affair and says he will stop direct deposit. I feel like here comes more stress. We can not afford two places and the logical thing to do is SUCK it up and hope the house sells quickly.

Now what do I do? My plan has been to sell house and then file for divorce.

Have you consulted an attorney? Do you know what your options are? If not, I would think that would be the first thing to do. You can't really make good decisions without adequate information.

L

I agree that a visit with an attorney is in your best interests. You don't have to file anything, but knowing your options is never a bad thing.

Ditto - knowledge is power. And most attorneys will do an initial consult for free.

So sorry - I got that one, too. With a much older colleague, no less. He is also married. And guess what? We're still friends. And his wife is lovely. Whatever!

Ditto the others. Call an attorney in the morning. And don't take the affair stuff personally. That's what I got, too. Hang in there.

he has nothing to lose. He will lie, and do or say what ever he thinks will work. Faced with the inevitable, he will then decide it was all his idea and you are to blame.

Of course he is accusing you of an affair. This is what they do. You can't listen to a word they say.

Go get your paperwork started. He can't simply stop paying for the house, etc. Get a restraining order prohibiting him from changing anything with the money. It can be done.

Go get to gettin'.

I would also recommend seeing a lawyer first to learn of your options. There is so much that can be accomplished and in the way to meet your needs. I was surprised pleasantly to discover how the law supports these situations.

Before I ever consulted an atty I was conjuring up many ways to manipulate a situation to my benefit and worried about surmounting obstacles. Everything I thought of was the hard way - a friend took me to my first atty for a D and I learned all my rights and found out what I could do and what he could not do. It was such a relief for me. Now I am a big advocate of a consultation before deciding anything.

And the rest of what you are going through I can sympathize with the day to day turmoil. I lived with constant threats to abandon me and to take money, accusations about affairs/taking him money/and generally doing everything wrong. It didn't work for me. Generally there is a lot of anger released at this point in a relationship.

Please take care of yourself.

:hug:

My XABF was always accusing me of having a secret affair with an ex-boyfriend (apparently I wasn't attractive enough to interest someone I hadn't previously dated), even though he insisted we spent 100% of our time together.
I always wondered when he figured I had the time (or energy! - I was exhausted 24/7) to do that.
There's never any logic to it, it's just how they justify things to themselves so they don't have to face the truth.


Now's a good time to research your options.
I agree with the attorney idea. That's their job, they went to school for that, so they know more about what can and can't be done than you do. Also, just like all alcoholics are different but the same? Divorces run in a similar vein, he'll have "seen it all" already, too. You can benefit from that experience.
Making sure you understand your own finances is always a plus, too. Sometimes opportunities arise, and I always found it useful to have a good idea of where I currently stood so I could evaluate at a glance if they were even worth considering.