Ah ha! Irriation = need for a boundary
 

I had an AH HA!
I was working a split shift yesterday, but there was such a lot of work to do that I stayed...all day...until I had to rush home for dinner and rush out to work and I was irritable. It meant I worked a 13 hour day. Grr...

Then it occured to me, no matter how much work there was to do, I was the one that stayed at work all day. Who was there to be irritated at? I was irritated there was so much work and I was stuck, but I was ACTUALLY irritated because I wanted to go home, but instead stayed out of an "ought to" (and thus ignored my needs).

If I can link feeling irritated with the fact that there is actually a boundary that is missing being upheld, I can do more self care! WOOHOO!!:bday8

What kinds of responses or feelings do you get in you that help you see there are boundary issues in you that need to be addressed?

It's a dull sense of being squished for me.

I am actually great at having boundaries/ saying no with everyone but the RAH.
And that is on it's way out...

But, when I don't take care of me, I feel that squished feeling, then if I don't take care of me, I can get headaches, become lethargic. Nothing severe, just a sense of pressure and weight.

What a great revelation!! Congrats!

I try to watch out for selftalk that involves me feeling obligated, resentful or impatient. (to name a few)
I rework those issues/feelings in my head is by asking myself what I really want, how it will play out; and then I check on my motivation and/or expectations.

Of course there's always the issue of whether by my actions I may be taking on someone else's responsibility or somehow am dealing with their consequences as if they belong to me.

I've found that sometimes I could consider the same situation and either take it or leave depending upon how I work all of those things out in my mind.

For instance...I used to work extra hours for reasons that were not in my best interest- but some of the time when I did go the extra mile I feel it was warranted- and not a codependent related thing.

I found that for me- it wasn't or isn't usually about a particular action in itself but more about what goes on inside of my head & heart that is connected to it.

Right on, my sister!:scoregood

I've been paying attention to my anxiety levels. And noticing when I begin to feel anxious is usually when a boundary needs to either be set or held firm. I can actually feel it now - I think I have spent the last four years ignoring my anxiety that I had forgotten how it feels. Anxiety is my body and/or mind's way of telling me something is NOT RIGHT with this picture. I spent four sessions in marriage counseling before I admitted I was having incredible anxiety and that meant I wasn't ready for this.

It's such a great feeling to feel in touch with myself again!

did I say irriation? LOL! IrriTation!
Anyway, there was a gas leak two days ago in my housing unit and they shut the propane off. Two days it has been no hot water, not stove and no heater. I awoke this morning to a COOOOLLLDDD house and was...you guessed it! Irriated! (LOL!)

I knew I needed to set boundaries so I called everyone and their brother - housing, maintenance, etc. and told them we deserved the propane fixed ASAP and portable heaters, if it was going to take time.

It may not be because of my calls, but the propane is back on tonight! Woopee to boundaries!

I really needed to read this. Thank you.

I'm all about boundaries lately too. I"ve been to CA three times recently with my partner developing a new business. Each time, I ride with our client in his giant SUV for hours to meetings.

He drives like a lunatic. I've never been in a vehicle with someone that consistently roars through residential streets, does U turns on 5 lane roads and acts, overall, like a drunk teenage boy while driving.

I've asked him to drive more slowly and not jerk the car so much. It both makes me severely car sick and freaks me out. It's not safe.

This last time, we spent four hours traveling the state and the last two hours I had my eyes shut tight, on the verge of vomiting and afraid for my life.

I was very upset. I felt like I had no choices. We have to travel to meetings with this guy.

After the last episode, out of sheer desperation, I told him and my business partner I would be driving seperately whenever we needed to travel. The client was offended, my partner thought I was being dramatic. All though I wanted to tell them both to **** off, I said, "riding in your car makes me violently sick. I will be driving myself."

They still were pissy with me, tried to offer me the front seat, saying I wouldn't get sick. I said, "no thank you."

It was very hard for me keep my mouth shut, not lash out and make character judgements about him (out loud) and stick to restating my boundary. Internally, I had to battle disowning my own boundary as well and "just give him one more chance."

But I had given him THREE chances. He wasn't interested in changing the way he drives and I will never get into a car with him again. I was terrified and very ill that last time. He was driving about 50 mph in a lovely little residential section. He can run over a small child without me in the car.

It also made me very angry that my business partner, who also looked terrified when he executed dare devil moods, treated me as if there were something wrong with me to make this boundary. I told her I'm never getting back into a car with him when we got out that night and I think she didn't believe me.

Anyway. It was hard to keep that boundary, but I was SO happy to be in our little rental car alone. No cigarette smoke, no thug mentality, I got a break from our client and some alone time.

Too bad it takes me so long to create boundaries. I have to thoroughly validate myself first, but am working on getting there faster.

buffalo - "a dull sense of being squished" - FABULOUS description! Thanks!
cmc - I don't know you yet, so thanks for participating and your insight.
hydrogirl - ;) nice to meet you
tuffgirl - we are on a similar path and it's nice to see you blooming!
transform - congrats. I did that with my dad drunk driving. No thank you. Awkward, but worth it. As we were talking about on tuff's thread - we can't set boundaries and worry over their feelings at the same time. Too bad for them! :)