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The Gaslight Effect

Old 03-15-2011, 02:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Chapter One (continued)

"Of course, neither of you may be aware of what’s really happening. The gaslighter may genuinely believe every word he tells you or sincerely feel that he’s only saving you from yourself. Remember: He’s being driven by his own needs. Your gaslighter might seem like a strong, powerful man, or he may appear to be an insecure, tantrum-throwing little boy; either way, he feels weak and powerless. To feel powerful and safe, he has to prove that he is right, and he has to get you to agree with him."

"Meanwhile, you have idealized your gaslighter and are desperate for his approval, although you may not consciously realize this. But if there’s even a little piece of you that thinks you’re not good enough by yourself— if even a small part of you feels you need your gaslighter’s love or approval to be whole— then you are susceptible to gaslighting. And a gaslighter will take advantage of that vulnerability to make you doubt yourself, over and over again.", [Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect]

"Are You Being Gaslighted?"

"TURN UP YOUR GASLIGHT RADAR."

"Gaslighting may not involve all of these experiences or feelings, but if you recognize yourself in any of them, give it extra attention."

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
6. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
7. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases with your partner in mind, thinking about what he would like instead of what would make you feel great.
8. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
9. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
10. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You have trouble making simple decisions.
13. You think twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation.
14. Before your partner comes home, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
15.You have the sense that you used to be a very different person— more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
16. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him.
17.You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
18. Your kids begin trying to protect you from your partner.
19. You find yourself furious with people you’ve always gotten along with before.
20. You feel hopeless and joyless.
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Yes! I have felt and experienced so many of the things on that list lately! I can't really explain to people what's going on - our conversations become very "muddy" and before I know it things are turned completely around and I wind up confused, questioning myself and feeling crazy. It's almost surreal. Not allowing myself to be drawn into a debate, detaching from him and really paying attention to what he says is helping. I think he has always done this to some extent, it's just been ramped up big time as I am planning to leave. i also thought I should take notes to keep my thoughts straight!

So glad to know I'm not the complete wack job he almost had me believing I was!
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:33 PM
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psychological abuse

Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
DestinyM,
Thanks for posting a good read. Let me see if I understand "gaslighting":

Me: I bought a house today
RAH: What? I have a perfectly good house for you right here.
Me: I already told you this house is A.) too small for all of us, and I have no space for me and B.) is YOURS, not ours
RAH: We talked about buying a house together this coming summer. You agreed to that timeline.
Me: Yes, until alcoholism and recovery came into the picture. And because I didn't feel I had a choice not to agree last summer.
RAH: Well its a good thing you bought your own house because I don't see how we can live together anyway, given I don't trust you anymore because you left me.

Me (before Al-Anon + SR), feeling guilty and wrong somehow, doubting my actions and decisions
Me (now): I am sorry you feel that way (outloud) F*** Off (in my head)

So, gaslighting is similar to what we refer to here as quacking?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. Gaslighting had a colloquial origin explained below, but the term has also been used in clinical and research literature.[1][2]

The term derives from the 1938 stage play Gas Light (originally known as Angel Street in the United States), and the 1940 and 1944 film adaptations. The plot concerns a husband who attempts to drive his wife to insanity by manipulating small elements of their environment, and insisting that she is mistaken or misremembering when she points out these changes. The title stems from the husband's subtle dimming of the house's gas lights, which she accurately notices and which the husband insists she's imagining.

Gaslighting has been used colloquially since at least the late 1970s to describe efforts to manipulate someone's sense of reality. In a 1980 book on child sex abuse, Florence Rush summarized George Cukor's 1944 film version of Gas Light, and writes, "even today the word [gaslight] is used to describe an attempt to destroy another's perception of reality." [3]
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
Gaslighting for me:

Convincing me that I don't remember specific events and arguments correctly, by lying or manipulating or even threatening
or
Constantly telling me I was crazy
or
Trying to convince me that I was lying or had hidden secrets even I had forgotten

It eventually lead me to seriously doubt my own memories, and thus my sense of self-esteem...which in turn seriously undermined any desire or effort to leave the relationship. I thought I was worthless, broken and that I *needed* him to fix me, to tolerate me and to love me.
Ok I get it. I don't think I had a lot of that going on...what little that did happen, I believe it was because he couldn't remember stuff very well. He did call me crazy quite a bit, but I have come to realize there was a point when I am sure I acted pretty crazy. Alcoholism does that to us spouses sometimes. I do think now that the initial 'calling me an alcoholic because I drank so much' BS he might have truly believed, given that he couldn't accept the fact that he had drank that much just the day before, so he thought I drank a lot, too. Nope, I still drink the same amount today as I have over the last decade. It was definitely him!
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Old 03-15-2011, 11:35 PM
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I don't think my AH does it on purpose. It is all to protect his identity to himself and to me.
He insisted for months that when I confronted him about his drinking that I "character bashed" him and told him I hated everything about him and yelled at him (I did not yell, although I was upset. I think it was the most careful I have ever been in talking to him. I spoke very calmly.) He insisted for months he didn't yell in response. (uhh...what?)
Last night, he insisted that he consistently has admitted that he was "emotionally fused" and acted inappropriately.

He "forgot" in the therapist's office that he walked out after I confronted him.
I had to say, "Don't you remember packing your bag and saying, "If that's how you feel, then it's over" and leaving for 2 days?"
"Uhh, yah. I guess so," was his response.
Just last night, he angrily denied that he "forgot" at the therapist.

I found a big box of alcohol. He said he didn't remember the box. Later, he said he hid alcohol to appease me, then later said he's never hidden alcohol.
Last night he denied his story had ever changed.

His initial response to my confronting him was to say, "it's not a big deal" and "I did nothing wrong". Now (over a year later) he is saying he acknowledges that it was dysfuctional and he behaved inappropriately.
He has insisted he feels he has been "very consistent" in acknowledging his responsibility.

He complains that the REAL problem is that I waited and got super upset and then "dropped a bomb" on him.
When I say, "What about all the times I brought it up casually and you dismissed it or got defensive?"
He doesn't remember those times, or gets angry and says that's not true.

He says I have demonized him. That I am looking for an excuse to get out. That I falsify the truth. That I misremember. That I twist his words. That I take them out of context.

I have taken to saying, "I can only believe one version of reality and if the choice is me or you, I have to choose me."
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Old 03-16-2011, 05:46 AM
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Heh, I've watched witnesses in court deny their own statements when they are played back on tape in front of a jury! Juries don't buy it because they aren't emotionally involved with the witness. I think sometimes we go along with the alcoholic's version of reality because we want to believe them or lack confidence in ourselves.
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Old 03-16-2011, 07:54 AM
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I don't think my AH does it on purpose. It is all to protect his identity to himself and to me.
The "why" doesn't matter -- the important thing is that you can identify it and deflect it.

I lived through the same thing you're describing, FindingPeace. To the point where my anxiety levels go up just reading your description. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-16-2011, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 View Post
I don't think my AH does it on purpose. It is all to protect his identity to himself and to me.
He insisted for months that when I confronted him about his drinking that I "character bashed" him and told him I hated everything about him and yelled at him (I did not yell, although I was upset. I think it was the most careful I have ever been in talking to him. I spoke very calmly.) He insisted for months he didn't yell in response. (uhh...what?)
Last night, he insisted that he consistently has admitted that he was "emotionally fused" and acted inappropriately.

He "forgot" in the therapist's office that he walked out after I confronted him.
I had to say, "Don't you remember packing your bag and saying, "If that's how you feel, then it's over" and leaving for 2 days?"
"Uhh, yah. I guess so," was his response.
Just last night, he angrily denied that he "forgot" at the therapist.

I found a big box of alcohol. He said he didn't remember the box. Later, he said he hid alcohol to appease me, then later said he's never hidden alcohol.
Last night he denied his story had ever changed.

His initial response to my confronting him was to say, "it's not a big deal" and "I did nothing wrong". Now (over a year later) he is saying he acknowledges that it was dysfuctional and he behaved inappropriately.
He has insisted he feels he has been "very consistent" in acknowledging his responsibility.

He complains that the REAL problem is that I waited and got super upset and then "dropped a bomb" on him.
When I say, "What about all the times I brought it up casually and you dismissed it or got defensive?"
He doesn't remember those times, or gets angry and says that's not true.

He says I have demonized him. That I am looking for an excuse to get out. That I falsify the truth. That I misremember. That I twist his words. That I take them out of context.

I have taken to saying, "I can only believe one version of reality and if the choice is me or you, I have to choose me."
FP, are you married to my husband? Your last few posts have been so eerily familiar its like reading my own story.

I also don't think mine did this kind of stuff on purpose - it was to protect his real lover - booze. And I didn't really buy into it much so maybe that's why I don't feel "gaslighted". I thought he was just full of BS and the more I learned about alcoholism, the more I began to understand why.

But this is a great thread so keep sharing from the book...thanks!
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:06 AM
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Thanks, y'all! Obviously this is very helpful to me, too. To get it out. To validate myself and be validated.
I love my AH. He's a good guy...AND he can be full of it.
It doesn't occur like he's full of it when he says stuff like that. It occurs and frustrating and confusing and worrying and mixed up. It makes me self doubt. It makes me feel like I'm stuck at a dead end in the conversation and my emotional progression. It makes me doubt myself. It makes me hear a voice that says, "maybe he's right...what if he's right?" It freezes me, in a way. Don't want to progress with taking actions in my life because of my feeling unhappy (because he's telling me I'M unfair and I am making him unhappy, so maybe I should be focusing on THAT). Don't want to get closer to him becasue the whole thing makes me feel confused and sad and ick. So I get caught in amber.

Wanna know what's crazy? When I engage in trying to get him to acknowldege reality like I see it, I am "gaslighting" him! I am trying to control HIS version of reality and make him self doubt himself. Even if I think it's true.
That's disconcerting.
This "remembering" aspect is one more area where I feel my controlling him (not that it looks or feels like control in the moment) feels justified.

Self reminder: I don't get to choose his actions, his communication level, his words, his honesty, his beliefs, his memory.
And I have to hold on to mine.

We are both sick, I think. To argue what "really happened" for over a year (on both our parts) is not healthy. I can see that.

We've stopped talking about it for the most part.
Occasionally these conversations resurface and we rehash...like the dying throes of a fish on the shore. Spasms of the same conversation and frustration and tears.

They are getting more infrequent.
I am letting go, on millimeter at a time.
I am telling you. It is SUCH a SLOW process of letting go for me.
Two steps forward, one step back.
Wash, repeat.
Try old controlling, codependent behaviors...fail...feel sad and numb. Stay stuck...research a bit about divorce...get distracted by a nice life, otherwise...talk to my AH and get upset...try old controlling, codie behaviors...etc.

I am making (painfully slow) progress.

I love you all.
peace
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:10 AM
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I don't think my AH does it on purpose. It is all to protect his identity to himself and to me.
I had a series of wake-up calls related to ex's gaslighting, first I doubted my own recall of situations, wrote a lot of stuff down to convince myself that I was right in my recollections of what did/didn't happen, then I realised that my recollectionsweren't faulty, (which was a relief) but I assumed that his reactions were due to being pickled - his memory was shot and the reason he changed tack or presented opposite sides of an argument as his long-held beliefs was that he was confused and his brain didn't work properly (because he was drunk so often), then I realised through a series of conversations I witnessed with other people (where I wasn't involved) that actually, he changed tack when he was losing an argument, incontrovertable evidence was presented to him for example, and I attributted this to him feeling attacked, people getting to close to attacking his sense of self, that this wasn't "on purpose", it was a defense mechanism.

my next big aha moment was this: "on purpose" doesn't equal "consciously". My ex was doing this on purpose, to deflect attention away from his short-comings, to make me or others doubt their own sanity in order to protect his self-image (which is frankly monstrous), it wasn't conscious, it was a defence mechanism, but it was on purpose, his brain purposefully deployed these tactics in a cycling output until hitting the best one for the situation at hand, because he had learned that they worked. this might be a subconscious strategy, but it was, none-the-less, done ON PURPOSE.

This was a major wake up call for me, abusers aren't like they are depicted on TV, where they are alternately nice and nasty, but you can clearly see a conscious thought pattern occurring throughout it all: "I am going to do X to make her feel Y so that I can Z", abusers wrap a tight and complex layered web around their actions and thought processes and motivations, that most importantly sheild their own conscious mind from their true motivations and behaviour, it is nearly all subconscious but nearly all on purpose. Abusers don't view what they are doing as abusive.
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:22 AM
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JenT! How well said! You are spot on.
My AH, at one point said, "I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want you to think I was conciously decieving you."

Deep!

My response was, "CONCIOUS deception and UNCONCIOUS deception are no different on this end. I'm on the deception end. It looks the same to me and they both make me tired."

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Old 03-16-2011, 10:31 AM
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Okay, obviously this thread is really working for me!

I was thinking about how my mom is ALL ABOUT being a good listener
and UNDERSTANDING people and where they are at
and COMPASSION
and "making space" for people
and not judging
and helping
and going out of one's own way to accommodate others because that is kind and kindness is a virtue...

and all of that got me so OUT of MY own feelings and needs I can't even FIND them!

I think that's why gaslighting works on me. I am so busy trying to REALLY LISTEN to my AH and CONSIDER what he's saying and CHANGE for him and MAKE SPACE for him and QUESTION MY motives that when someone isn't honest, I am trying so hard to give THEM the benefit of the doubt and see it from their perspective that I become a tangled mess. Particularly if the liar is kind and suffering and trying to be good and "not doing it on purpose". That eats at me.

The more I can step away from THEM and put even a portion of the energy I have put in in the past to listening to others into listening to ME...well, I move toward health.

peace
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by FindingPeace1 View Post

I think that's why gaslighting works on me. I am so busy trying to REALLY LISTEN to my AH and CONSIDER what he's saying and CHANGE for him and MAKE SPACE for him and QUESTION MY motives that when someone isn't honest, I am trying so hard to give THEM the benefit of the doubt and see it from their perspective that I become a tangled mess. Particularly if the liar is kind and suffering and trying to be good and "not doing it on purpose". That eats at me.
Mannn... that is so me. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, trying to see it from their perspective. I even convince myself that I'm better than them and I'm not going to express my "angry" feelings because I'm so in control of myself and they're not. What a joke on me. Then I sit there full of the I should said this or I should have done that or the next time I'll do... Then I'm soul-searching and analyzing me and they're off fine and dandy living their life and in my AH case having his next drink while I'm fighting off a migraine. But I've realized I do it to myself so its up to me to stop it; time to get off the emotional roller coaster and run out the theme park.
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Old 03-16-2011, 04:01 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Chapter One (continued)..

"A gaslighter has such a flawed sense of self that he can’t tolerate the slightest challenge to the way he sees things. However he decides to explain the world to himself, that’s how you must see it, too— or leave him prey to unbearable anxiety.

Suppose you smile at a guy at a party and your gaslighter feels uncomfortable. The guy not involved in gaslighting might say, “Yeah, I’m the jealous type” or “I know you weren’t doing anything wrong, honey, but it makes me crazy to see you having fun with other men.” He’s willing to at least consider that his discomfort may be caused by the situation or by his own insecurities. Even if you actually were flirting— even if you were flirting outrageously— the nongaslighter could potentially recognize that your behavior, objectionable as he finds it, wasn’t intended to make him feel lousy, even though he may also ask you to stop.

The gaslighter, though, never considers that his own jealousy, insecurity, or paranoia might be involved. He clings to his own explanation: He feels bad because you’re a flirt. He’s not satisfied simply knowing this, either; he has to get you to agree. If you don’t, you’ll be treated to hours of anger, coldness, hurt feelings, or seemingly reasonable criticism. (“I don’t know why you can’t see how deeply you’re hurting me. Don’t my feelings matter to you at all?”)

But it takes two to tango, and gaslighting can take place only when there’s a willing gaslightee, someone who idealizes the gaslighter and desperately wants his approval. If you’re not open to gaslighting, you might simply laugh and brush off the criticism when your jealous boyfriend wrongly accuses you of flirting. But what if you can’t bear the thought that he sees you in such a bad light? Then you might start to argue, trying to get him to change his mind. (“Honey, I wasn’t flirting. That was a perfectly innocent smile.”) Just as the gaslighter is desperate to get his girlfriend to apologize, so is the gaslightee desperate to win her boyfriend’s approval. She may become willing to do anything to make things right with her boyfriend— even accepting his negative, critical view of her.", [Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect]
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Old 03-16-2011, 04:17 PM
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Gaslighting: From Bad to Worse

"Gaslighting tends to work in stages. At first, it may be relatively minor— indeed, you may not even notice it. When your boyfriend accuses you of deliberately trying to undermine him by showing up late to his office party, you attribute it to his nerves or assume he didn’t really mean it or perhaps even begin to wonder whether you were trying to undermine him— but then you let it go.

Eventually, though, gaslighting becomes a bigger part of your life, preoccupying your thoughts and overwhelming your feelings. Finally, you’re mired in full-scale depression, hopeless and joyless, unable even to remember the person you once were, with your own point of view and your own sense of self.

Of course, you may not proceed through all three stages. But for many women, gaslighting goes from bad to worse.

Stage 1: Disbelief

Stage 1 is characterized by disbelief. Your gaslighter says something outrageous— “That guy who asked us for directions was really just trying to get you into bed!”— and you can’t quite believe your ears. You think you’ve misunderstood, or maybe he has, or maybe he was just joking. The comment seems so off the wall, you might let it go. Or perhaps you try to correct the error but without a whole lot of energy. Maybe you even get into long, involved arguments, but you’re still pretty certain of your own point of view. Although you’d like your gaslighter’s approval, you don’t yet feel desperate for it...

Stage 2: Defense

Stage 2 is marked by the need to defend yourself. You search for evidence to prove your gaslighter wrong and argue with him obsessively, often in your head, desperately trying to win his approval...

You know you’re in Stage 2 if you frequently feel obsessive, sometimes desperate. You’re no longer sure you can win your gaslighter’s approval— but you haven’t given up hope.

Stage 3: Depression

Stage 3 gaslighting is the most difficult of all: depression. At this point, you are actively trying to prove that your gaslighter is right, because then maybe you could do things his way and finally win his approval. Stage 3 is exhausting, though, and you are often too worn out to argue.

My patient Melanie was fully ensconced in Stage 3. Melanie was a lovely woman of about thirty-five who worked as a marketing analyst for a major New York corporation...

The incident that had provoked her visit was a trip to the supermarket. She had been rushing up and down the aisles, trying to gather the groceries she needed for the dinner party she was giving that night for her husband and his colleagues. Jordan had asked her to prepare her special grilled salmon steaks, pointing out that his friends were health-conscious and would expect wild salmon. But when Melanie got to the fish counter, she discovered that only farm-raised salmon was available. She had two choices: buy the inferior fish or plan another main course.

“I just started shaking,” she told me as her sobs subsided. “All I could think was how disappointed Jordan would be. The look on his face as I told him that I couldn’t find the salmon, that it just wasn’t there. The questions I would face— ‘Did you not think to go early enough, Melanie? You’ve made this dish before, you know what’s involved. Didn’t you care enough about this evening? I’ve told you how important it was to me. What mattered more to you, Melanie, than making sure this dinner came off properly? No, please, tell me, I’d really like to know.’*”

Melanie took a deep breath and reached for a Kleenex. “The thing about those questions is, they just don’t stop. I’ve tried to laugh it off, to explain, even to apologize. I’ve tried to tell him why something doesn’t work— but he never believes me.” She slumped a little farther down on the couch and pulled her sweater around her more tightly. “He’s probably right. I used to be so organized, so on top of things. But even I can see what a mess I’ve become. I don’t know why I can’t do anything right anymore. I just can’t.”

Melanie was an extreme example of the Gaslight Effect— someone who had so completely bought into her gaslighter’s negative view of her that she could no longer access her true self. To some extent, Melanie was right: She had actually become the helpless, incompetent person that her gaslighter kept telling her she was. She had so idealized her husband and wanted so desperately to win his approval that she took his side even when he accused her of something she knew she hadn’t done— in this case, being careless about his party. It was easier to give in and agree that Jordan was right than face the fact that he was behaving badly and she would probably never win his wholehearted, permanent approval, which she needed— or thought she did— to complete her sense of self.", [Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect]
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Old 03-16-2011, 06:59 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I hadn't read about gaslighting before but I just made a connection with a phrase I recall saying quite a bit for a time. It was, "say what you want, but that isn't my reality." He would attempt to tell me how I think or feel, and it would be opposite of the truth. I never fell for it, and he basically gave up. I now understand why he got so angry at those words and would mock me. He was still trying to manipulate me.
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Old 03-17-2011, 03:23 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by DestinyM View Post
someone who had so completely bought into her gaslighter’s negative view of her that she could no longer access her true self. To some extent, Melanie was right: She had actually become the helpless, incompetent person that her gaslighter kept telling her she was.
This is/was me! I'm still rediscovering who I actually am now. My memory isn't terrible. I'm not stupid and incompetent. Now I just have to work on all the other things I believe about myself and see if they are actually true!
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Old 03-17-2011, 04:53 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by bookwyrm View Post
This is/was me! I'm still rediscovering who I actually am now. My memory isn't terrible. I'm not stupid and incompetent. Now I just have to work on all the other things I believe about myself and see if they are actually true!
Me, too!



I identified my mother's gaslighting recently, but I always felt like XABF wasn't so much a gaslighter compared to the other forms of abuse (mainly verbal).
But this is how I always felt around him, because he was deflecting so much off to me. I guess it was easier to think it was my fault, because if it was him distorting reality there wasn't anything I could do to change that...

Wow.
More things to think about.
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:12 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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As I get deeper into my recovery and read more and more about A and codependency, I see how it goes all the way back to my mother. Her father was an alcoholic, who died when she was 9 from liver failure in Barbados. She came to America full of fears and raised me, her eldest under a firm controlling and manipulative grip. She wasn't a physical discipline-oriented type but she knew how to wear you down mentally and emotionally until you were sorry you even breathed in her world. Even now I still watch what I say to my mother so I don't have to deal with her criticism or reminders of past mistakes, which she readily has available, especially when it comes to my concerns about my kids. She's quick to remind me of the years after my nervous breakdown, when I wasn't functioning at 100% and tells me that's the reason for EVERY problem I may encounter with my kids and that I should understand everything they do, especially when they were teenagers. It took years for me to undo all she had put into my eldest daughters head about me, so we could even try to have a half-way decent relationship.

I guess that's why when my AH started his gaslighting I was so conditioned from childhood with the criticism from my mother, I took it as his genuine love, concern and truth so easily even in the midst of verbal and even physical abuse. I sometimes have to sit back and cry and wonder just who I am. I went from abusive relationship to relationship, culminating in this 8 yr marriage that brought me to the point of insanity AGAIN, but then again when was I sane?

God lets everything happen for a reason and I do thank God for hearing my cries, my prayers for help. I believe he heard me the night I found out about Al-Anon. I always believed my help came from above, my faith in a HP was all I had to hold on to during my dark days of depression. Now I know my latter days will be better than my former because I've found the road home to finding me. I know it's going to be painful because the process of healing any kind of wounds is, but I'm going to grit my teeth and bear thru it because I know I'm worth it.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:30 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wicked View Post
This is a pretty good description of the movie that gives the term its name.
"Gaslight"
A classic with Ingrid Bergman. I cant remember the male leads right now.
Excellent movie.
Ingrids spouse is an evil man, looking for treasure of jewelry Ingrids aunt left in her old house they are now living in. He needs to work in the attic of the house, and he starts doing little things to make her think she is just forgetful. By the end of the movie, she was really crazy.


Beth

Oh, she realizes with the help of this guy who knows what the evil spouse is doing.
The look on her face when she knows about the evil spouse is indescribable!
Went into half price books tonight and low and behold the first thing I saw was that movie! Picked it up for 98 cents!! lol
Gonna watch it this weekend!!
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