how do we start?

Old 03-13-2011, 03:00 PM
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how do we start?

My brother has always been a drinker but recently his daughter found out that he is going in the garage and drinking large amounts of vodka regularly. alone, and hiding it. on one weekend, he completely consumed one of those large bottles with the handles on the side! the strange thing is that he is totally functional ... no apparent hangovers, works hard every day. is this even possible? anyway, the amounts that he is drinking are astounding and we (his siblings) just don't know what to do. we can certainly approach him about it, but we know he will say its none of our business and that he does not have a problem. he is very against any medical intervention, for anything, even a tooth problem. we are at wits end, because we just can not think of how to turn this around. he is in his early '50s. any help appreciated.
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suki44883 (03-13-2011)
Old 03-13-2011, 03:12 PM
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Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here, but you will also find honesty. To be frank, your brother is right; it really is none of your business. As an adult, he has the right to drink whatever he wants, whenever he wants. While it is hard to watch our loved ones make bad choices, they are his choices to make.

There is really nothing you can do, because if he refuses to admit he has a problem, your hands are tied. You don't have to be around him when he is drinking if you don't want to. But, until he is willing to admit to a problem and is ready to seek help, there's really nothing you can do for him.

Have you or any of your family considered attending Al-anon meetings? You will find a lot of face-to-face support there from people who also love an alcoholic. Again, welcome to SR!
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Old 03-13-2011, 03:16 PM
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Sure, it's possible to drink that much and remain gainfully employed.

You can talk to him, but it's doubtful he sees it as something he needs to stop doing. There is relatively little that loved ones can do unless someone wants to quit drinking.
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Old 03-13-2011, 04:42 PM
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Yes, I know you are both right, in the sense that you have to let adults make their own bad choices and that you can't make anyone stop doing something unless they agree it needs to be stopped. We do realize all that which is why i wrote initially - it didn't seem like there is anything we can do. The thing is that we love him and all that alcohol must be so hard on his body..... we don't want that to happen. I guess maybe we'll just talk with him honestly about our concerns for his health. Since he is trying to hide it, I guess (hope?) that he thinks it's probably somewhat out of control as well. I'll also look through this forum, I guess to see what's there. And no - we haven't gone to any types of meetings because we just sort of realized it was out of control recently. thanks for your thoughts.....
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Old 03-13-2011, 04:57 PM
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I suppose you could visit and bring it up in a general way.
The old "I have a friend who is...."
I can't think of anything, sorry.
I was much better at hiding my drinking.
He is functioning but you are his siblings and his daughter, if not him, has asked for help.
I was pissed off when I found that my family had stayed silent knowing full well that I was drinking my head off in the final weeks of my drinking.
I was stumbling around the house every night and they still chose to say nothing.
As you say, if he is hiding it, he knows it is a problem and might appreciate someone bringing up the subject. The "head in the sand approach" achieves nothing, and what if he or someone else gets hurt because of the drink? He may be functioning but he is still probably seriously impaired right?
They are just some thoughts. Sorry you are going through this.
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