Promises made and kept
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
Promises made and kept
When someone makes a promise to you, you want to believe that they are making it a priority in their lives and not spending their energy coming up with excuses.
When you make a promise to someone, you give them your word that you will make an effort and do not want to disappoint them .
When you make a promise to yourself, it is twice as important that you keep it.
This has been a milestone birthday week for me and I promised myself a few things. One of them has given me great satisfaction in keeping. I feel valued. I deserve it and I can depend on ME! The other has been difficult and I have had to keep adjusting my thinking. I promised I would enjoy my celebrations, be grateful for the love shown by family and friends and not let “if only” or “Yeah, but...” diminish the joy I was feeling.
I had no expectations of hearing form my AH. This way I would not be disappointed. Last year we were “imploding” and he barely acknowledged my birthday at all. About 7 p.m. on my birthday he posted on my FACEBOOK page.
happy birthday
I was glad he remembered. I was grateful he acknowledged it. It was unexpected.
But now here is my stinking think-or is it the clarity that once eluded me.
I did not even rate the effort of hitting the shift key or the use of a punctuation mark?
Why can’t I just be happy with what I got? Why do I always want more? Why is it always on my terms?
I’ll tell you why. For so long it was what I accepted. Yeah I wished for more but I was always accepting of what I got. “It’s all he can do right now. He has others things on his mind. I know he loves me. He shows me in other ways.” I always made excuses, trying to convince myself and felt ungrateful.
But now I know-after 30 years of marriage- I deserve more. I am grateful but not smiling sheepishly at what I got. I deserve a partner who is 100% committed to our relationship. I can’t go on with someone who is just “good enough most of the time” because good enough is not good enough anymore and most of the time had become some of the time and is now almost never.
I deserve more!
When you make a promise to someone, you give them your word that you will make an effort and do not want to disappoint them .
When you make a promise to yourself, it is twice as important that you keep it.
This has been a milestone birthday week for me and I promised myself a few things. One of them has given me great satisfaction in keeping. I feel valued. I deserve it and I can depend on ME! The other has been difficult and I have had to keep adjusting my thinking. I promised I would enjoy my celebrations, be grateful for the love shown by family and friends and not let “if only” or “Yeah, but...” diminish the joy I was feeling.
I had no expectations of hearing form my AH. This way I would not be disappointed. Last year we were “imploding” and he barely acknowledged my birthday at all. About 7 p.m. on my birthday he posted on my FACEBOOK page.
happy birthday
I was glad he remembered. I was grateful he acknowledged it. It was unexpected.
But now here is my stinking think-or is it the clarity that once eluded me.
I did not even rate the effort of hitting the shift key or the use of a punctuation mark?
Why can’t I just be happy with what I got? Why do I always want more? Why is it always on my terms?
I’ll tell you why. For so long it was what I accepted. Yeah I wished for more but I was always accepting of what I got. “It’s all he can do right now. He has others things on his mind. I know he loves me. He shows me in other ways.” I always made excuses, trying to convince myself and felt ungrateful.
But now I know-after 30 years of marriage- I deserve more. I am grateful but not smiling sheepishly at what I got. I deserve a partner who is 100% committed to our relationship. I can’t go on with someone who is just “good enough most of the time” because good enough is not good enough anymore and most of the time had become some of the time and is now almost never.
I deserve more!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 99
:day1You definitely deserve more and don't forget. I also have been married for over 30 years and like you I'm finally deciding I deserve more. I don't know why it took me so long to find al-anon and my self-worth, but I'm just happy I've finally found it! Wish me luck because tonight I'm telling my AH that we go to joint counseling or I'm going for divorce. I'm packing an overnight bag and checking hotels in the area in case he explodes. He explodes when he's upset but when I'm upset, he ignores me or changes the subject. How's that for dealing with marriage difficulties?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
After 3 years of marriage I know now that I deserve better. It's amazing how much better my life works now that I have gotten off that path and onto a different one. I think I might actually understand now what "God's will" means and that God didn't put me on this earth with the blessings I have to subject myself to someone else's miserable life and bad choices.
Not good enough is just that - not good enough. And like you, jamaicamecrazy, I am no longer settling for less than. I am much happier and more grounded away from that lifestyle.
But, like you, I still suffer from high, unrealized expectations. I am hoping that over time that goes away... until then each time I get myself into that mind-set and am disappointed and hurt, I look at it as another lesson learned.
Not good enough is just that - not good enough. And like you, jamaicamecrazy, I am no longer settling for less than. I am much happier and more grounded away from that lifestyle.
But, like you, I still suffer from high, unrealized expectations. I am hoping that over time that goes away... until then each time I get myself into that mind-set and am disappointed and hurt, I look at it as another lesson learned.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy 
Why can’t I just be happy with what I got? Why do I always want more? Why is it always on my terms?
At this point, I do not think you are "always wanting more" because you have false expectation of him.
I think you have higher standards for yourself, so the resentment, the "wanting more," is your self recognizing that you deserve more.
You are not being ungrateful or unrealistic.
You are being discerning, and rebuilding your self confidence and sense of worth.
Happy Birthday, by the way. (Sorry I'm late! *Grins*)
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