My little boy (6) hates me right now. because I "made" his daddy leave.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
My little boy (6) hates me right now. because I "made" his daddy leave.
Its just NOT FAIR!!
I know it will balance out.
He is acting out so much and so extremely.
I know there are other stressors contributing. I mean I have been administering eye medicine and drops, and bandaging him while he squirms for weeks.
I am so angry, though.
6 year old doesnt see the tragedy in the fact that in January he told a doctor that his daddy did not really live with us, but just visited and slept over some times. This was when RAH was supposedly living with us, for sure, full time. HE just stopped coming back home after work, and would show up late night, sleep, leave at 6am.
6 year old just sees that I am mad, daddy is fun, and daddy left because mama was so mad and yelling.
Grrrrrrrrr.
Grant me the Serenity.... to accept what I cannot change
I know it will balance out.
He is acting out so much and so extremely.
I know there are other stressors contributing. I mean I have been administering eye medicine and drops, and bandaging him while he squirms for weeks.
I am so angry, though.
6 year old doesnt see the tragedy in the fact that in January he told a doctor that his daddy did not really live with us, but just visited and slept over some times. This was when RAH was supposedly living with us, for sure, full time. HE just stopped coming back home after work, and would show up late night, sleep, leave at 6am.
6 year old just sees that I am mad, daddy is fun, and daddy left because mama was so mad and yelling.
Grrrrrrrrr.
Grant me the Serenity.... to accept what I cannot change
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
I'm so sorry. It's so much more difficult when children are involved. We have to keep up with the mundane duties of everyday life, while the addict gets to pop in every now and then and do the fun stuff.
You're right, it will even out. It takes time, but kids aren't stupid. They eventually figure out which parent is truly there for them and which one isn't. Doesn't make it much easier though, in the here and now.
You're right, it will even out. It takes time, but kids aren't stupid. They eventually figure out which parent is truly there for them and which one isn't. Doesn't make it much easier though, in the here and now.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 192
Yes, he's angry but he doesn't hate you. You are the person he can count on. He knows that even if he doesn't express it. He's been having a rough time medically too. As you've said, all this isn't all about daddy.
If he isn't feeling well and he sees "Daddy" in big letters on one of your buttons, he's gonna push it.
Be gentle with yourself. You are a good mom.
Many years ago my middle son was angry with me. "I really, really, really hate you," he said.
"It's too bad you feel that way," I told him. "You've got to live with me for another 10 years at least."
If he isn't feeling well and he sees "Daddy" in big letters on one of your buttons, he's gonna push it.
Be gentle with yourself. You are a good mom.
Many years ago my middle son was angry with me. "I really, really, really hate you," he said.
"It's too bad you feel that way," I told him. "You've got to live with me for another 10 years at least."
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I'm so sorry. It's so much more difficult when children are involved. We have to keep up with the mundane duties of everyday life, while the addict gets to pop in every now and then and do the fun stuff.
You're right, it will even out. It takes time, but kids aren't stupid. They eventually figure out which parent is truly there for them and which one isn't. Doesn't make it much easier though, in the here and now.
You're right, it will even out. It takes time, but kids aren't stupid. They eventually figure out which parent is truly there for them and which one isn't. Doesn't make it much easier though, in the here and now.
This is so true. I'm sorry you are going through such a painful time now
It is hard and it isn't fair. One way of looking at it is that he is getting it out. One of my kids got it out alright. He had incredible rage filled meltdowns on a daily basis and repeatedly told me I had made the wrong decision. It was definitely all my fault. The other one could not bring himself to express any anger at all, towards me or anyone else. Life is easier with him but I worry more about him in the long run.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I'm so sorry... I fully expect to start getting the same from my girls once they realize this is not just short term... The "good" news is that he feels safe enough with you to express how he feels... That's good right?
I have 2 angry, sad, anxious kids on my hands right now and it's heartbreaking to see them hurting so much and not be able to fix it. They don't deserve to have ever had to live like this and just like I am, I know you are doing what is best, long term for your son. He WILL be thankful someday that you did this.
I keep telling my girls that Daddy and Mommy love them very much and they did nothing to cause us living apart. I've asked D5 to describe what it is like when we are all home together and she says things like "fighting, angry, sad" and I then said I know it's sad to live in different houses but is it better that there's no fighting and she said yes... I'm just validating how she feels and letting her know this is something that is happening to make things better for everyone and most of all, for she and her sister to have peace.
I have 2 angry, sad, anxious kids on my hands right now and it's heartbreaking to see them hurting so much and not be able to fix it. They don't deserve to have ever had to live like this and just like I am, I know you are doing what is best, long term for your son. He WILL be thankful someday that you did this.
I keep telling my girls that Daddy and Mommy love them very much and they did nothing to cause us living apart. I've asked D5 to describe what it is like when we are all home together and she says things like "fighting, angry, sad" and I then said I know it's sad to live in different houses but is it better that there's no fighting and she said yes... I'm just validating how she feels and letting her know this is something that is happening to make things better for everyone and most of all, for she and her sister to have peace.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Verbena is right, he doesn't hate you.
Keep breathing. Kids recover, too, when they know they are loved and when at least one parent can keep bringing sanity back into focus.
Scream and vent all you need to here, right now. That's what your son is doing.
Try your best to acknowledge how mad he is, and just keep repeating that you and his dad both love him. Don't try to explain too much right now. Understanding will come with time.
Keep breathing. Kids recover, too, when they know they are loved and when at least one parent can keep bringing sanity back into focus.
Scream and vent all you need to here, right now. That's what your son is doing.
Try your best to acknowledge how mad he is, and just keep repeating that you and his dad both love him. Don't try to explain too much right now. Understanding will come with time.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
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You are the primary caregiver. Which means you are not going to be popular. The alcoholic will try to just be friends with their kids to get those acceptance kudos.
I got tired of my alcoholic father bailing out on being a parent and trying to be my party friend. It didn't take long for me to hate his party person and hate him.
It will all work out in the long run. When they are teens...whoah, get ready for the ride. Your kids will see who has been showing up for life and who had not been showing up for life, and they will thank you for being the responsible parent.
Teens? The litmus test of parenting if there ever was one.
I got tired of my alcoholic father bailing out on being a parent and trying to be my party friend. It didn't take long for me to hate his party person and hate him.
It will all work out in the long run. When they are teens...whoah, get ready for the ride. Your kids will see who has been showing up for life and who had not been showing up for life, and they will thank you for being the responsible parent.
Teens? The litmus test of parenting if there ever was one.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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Oh hugs, big squishy bear hugs. I have rarely felt as hurt as when my DS, also 6, has yelled that and that he wants to live with Daddy at me. That if I just told him I loved him (XAH) we wouldn't have had to leave. I seriously felt like I'd been hit with a sledge hammer.
He didn't mean it, I know your little one doesn't mean it either. He's mad, he's confused, and he's hurt. He knows you love him, so he knows he can vent with you. it doesn't really take the immediate blow away, I know, but it helps. I simply tell DS, "Baby, I know you're angry. I think we both need to be alone for a few minutes." I walk into my room, shut the door and cry.
Many more bear hugs.
He didn't mean it, I know your little one doesn't mean it either. He's mad, he's confused, and he's hurt. He knows you love him, so he knows he can vent with you. it doesn't really take the immediate blow away, I know, but it helps. I simply tell DS, "Baby, I know you're angry. I think we both need to be alone for a few minutes." I walk into my room, shut the door and cry.
Many more bear hugs.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
One of my kids got it out alright. He had incredible rage filled meltdowns on a daily basis and repeatedly told me I had made the wrong decision. It was definitely all my fault. The other one could not bring himself to express any anger at all, towards me or anyone else. Life is easier with him but I worry more about him in the long run.
My counselor told me that when kids stop throwing furniture and start yelling obscenities, you're going in the right direction. And then when they start telling you they hate you, you've taken yet another step. With the A, they will just try to get along. The fact that they're letting it out with you means they know they're safe.
Which doesn't make it any easier while it's going on. I've learned to count to 20 in four new languages since I left RAXH...
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I was four when my folks split...
...and I was pissed for awhile. My mom just kept telling me she loved me, didn't try to explain it to me in detail, and didn't blame it on my dad. She just kept saying they didn't love each other anymore so they couldn't live together anymore and that it had nothing to do with me and my sister.
I got over it.
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. It actually was my dad's fault. He cheated repeatedly.
I got over it.
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. It actually was my dad's fault. He cheated repeatedly.
Originally Posted by Buffalo66
Its just NOT FAIR!!
I know it will balance out.
He is acting out so much and so extremely.
I know there are other stressors contributing. I mean I have been administering eye medicine and drops, and bandaging him while he squirms for weeks.
I am so angry, though.
6 year old doesnt see the tragedy in the fact that in January he told a doctor that his daddy did not really live with us, but just visited and slept over some times. This was when RAH was supposedly living with us, for sure, full time. HE just stopped coming back home after work, and would show up late night, sleep, leave at 6am.
6 year old just sees that I am mad, daddy is fun, and daddy left because mama was so mad and yelling.
Grrrrrrrrr.
Grant me the Serenity.... to accept what I cannot change
I know it will balance out.
He is acting out so much and so extremely.
I know there are other stressors contributing. I mean I have been administering eye medicine and drops, and bandaging him while he squirms for weeks.
I am so angry, though.
6 year old doesnt see the tragedy in the fact that in January he told a doctor that his daddy did not really live with us, but just visited and slept over some times. This was when RAH was supposedly living with us, for sure, full time. HE just stopped coming back home after work, and would show up late night, sleep, leave at 6am.
6 year old just sees that I am mad, daddy is fun, and daddy left because mama was so mad and yelling.
Grrrrrrrrr.
Grant me the Serenity.... to accept what I cannot change
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
Your son might not have the story straight right now (and that's probably for the best) but he will when he gets older. Sorry it's so hard for you right now. Try to stay out of the kid's head and let him heal the way he needs to.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I feel your pain. He feels safe enough with you to let it all out, which I know hurts. Been there, done that, got that t-shirt.
I guarantee, years down the road he will know which parent was there for him, and you will be loved even more.
Lots of hugs on the Kansas breeze to you!
I guarantee, years down the road he will know which parent was there for him, and you will be loved even more.
Lots of hugs on the Kansas breeze to you!
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