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My brain is mush....

Old 03-11-2011, 02:37 PM
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My brain is mush....

I got lost going to the post office today - WTF?? The two places I've gone the most the past couple weeks are the post office and Goodwill!! I'm moving steadily along, still getting moving quotes and purging large quantities of unwanted/non-essential items. Move out date is tentatively the last week of March. Not sure yet what I'll do with my car (drive or ship it home) - more estimates coming and I'll have to weigh the cost of each. The attorney emailed me yesterday to say the court stamped divorce petition is on it's way to him. Bit by bit things are getting done and coming together.

I sat down the other day and wrote a two page list of why I'm leaving (and still have a few things to add) - to remind myself, because in the moments when I start to question my decision and rationalize (wrong thinking!) those reasons are nowhere to be found in my head. Then I become very confused, conflicted and wondering if I'm really doing the right thing - can't see the forest for the trees. The list helps a LOT towards keeping my thinking straight and actually makes me realize I'd be crazy to stay !

So here we are almost to Friday night and I find myself dreading yet another weekend. Hopefully I can dodge the drama and deflect the manipulation, and maybe hit an al-anon meeting in the process. Treated myself to a pedicure this morning and it felt wonderful to do something nice for myself. Onwards and upwards...this too shall pass...and everything will work out, it always does. My mantras for the day!
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Old 03-11-2011, 03:29 PM
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I dread weekends often.
I try to do things that make me happy or make me feel more peaceful. And remember many people don't have their health anymore, or have to work, or take care of others, etc. and it makes me feel grateful for my freedom and independence.

Movie? TV Series? Chocolate? What about cooking something you REALLY enjoy? Girlfriends? Manicure?

When all things fail, I watch YouTube makeup videos and try to follow...
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Old 03-11-2011, 04:08 PM
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I researched the cost of shipping my son's car when we moved him across the country, and it was absolutely RIDICULOUS how much it would have cost.

Personally, I enjoyed the drive when I was moving back home after I left my second husband. Somehow it made me feel like Mary Tyler Moore, in the opening sequence of her series. I was halfway tempted to stand on the street when I got home and throw my hat in the air. (Decided against it--the people I work with already thought I was a flake.)
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Old 03-11-2011, 04:42 PM
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Somehow it made me feel like Mary Tyler Moore, in the opening sequence of her series. I was halfway tempted to stand on the street when I got home and throw my hat in the air.
7 another boomer reference? Remember the Carol Burnett Show?

:ghug3

Its okay, I am going to be 49 again in April!

Beth
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Old 03-11-2011, 05:03 PM
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threewishes - it sounds like you are working hard and making some very real progress! You must be tired! What color are your widdle toez? I love pedicures! Just keep plugging away and soon this will all be behind you. There's no way to it, but through it. Glad to hear you are finding some constructive ways to cope. Excellent idea about the list, for sure! Take care!
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Old 03-15-2011, 01:29 PM
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Thanks tjp - the toes are a rosy pink and make me feel a bit better whenever I see them . I am very very very tired. Absolutely emotionally exhausted today and not sure how I'm holding up at times. Talked to my attorney yesterday and it's possible that the divorce hearing can take place before I leave so I won't have to fly all the way back at a later date. Great news, right? But I feel a little sad...and a lot overwhelmed. Getting hung up in the little details and logistics and I will admit, feeling a bit sorry for myself for having to do this all alone. RAH has been quite cold lately, especially after he was told things could be final in just a couple of weeks if he is in agreement with everything. Well, cold is better than begging me to stay I guess. I am just barely holding on today, not coping well I'm afraid....I know in my head this will be over soon and I'll be okay, I just gotta make it a little longer....but my heart is heavy.
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Old 03-15-2011, 02:02 PM
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OH, and I forgot to add....I found out that RAH has already contacted an ex-girlfriend who lives closeby, telling her his tale of woe....they exchanged phone numbers and he said he would call her soon. I'm not even gone yet!! Arrgghhh!! Yes, it HURTS and it makes me angry....but knowing this helps me remember that leaving is the right thing to do. He's not going to change.
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Old 03-15-2011, 02:26 PM
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Well, as sad as it is, it sounds as though things are progressing very normally. If you weren't at least a little sad and depressed you would be very unusual! The fatigue doesn't help either, I know. Just keep plodding forward and this hardest part will be over in a short while. ((((Hugs))) You'll get to the other side very soon. Hang in there.
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