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Can most alcoholics attend parties where Alcohol is served?

Old 03-10-2011, 08:12 PM
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Question Can most alcoholics attend parties where Alcohol is served?

I went to a sober party in my 20's and it was only about 10 friends. The hosts boyfriend had just started recovery and she didn't want to have it there. It kind of ruined the party.

I hope to have a get together in a month or so when some out of town friends will be around. I want to have alcohol there for them, but I want to invite my friend who I know is having an issue with drinking. I already told him I won't drink around him. I guess I will have to ask him to see how he feels when the time comes.

Once in recovery is it hard for a person to be at a bar or at a party with booze everywhere?
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:16 PM
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It is recommended that a person in early recovery (usually less than a year) to stay away from places where alcohol will be served. Some people can handle it better than others. It's really best that they not put themselves in a position where they will be tempted.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:20 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
It is recommended that a person in early recovery (usually less than a year) to stay away from places where alcohol will be served. Some people can handle it better than others. It's really best that they not put themselves in a position where they will be tempted.
Okay thanks for the info it makes sense.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:24 PM
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What I have always suggested is that people in very early recovery (which I would put at around 90 days) avoid drinking occasions, at least when that is the main event (e.g., cocktail party). After that, the advice I always give is to go with a plan--make sure you have your own car in case you feel you want to leave, maybe bring phone numbers of a couple of sober friends in case you want a little moral support.

There's a lot of alcohol around--an alcoholic can't hide from it forever, nor should he. If you want to have the party, have it. Tell your friend there will be alcohol and that you will understand if he'd rather not come, but that he is invited and you will be sure to have food and nonalcoholic drinks available too (plenty of soda, bottled water, iced tea, etc.). Let him decide.

It's very frustrating to alcoholics to have people worrying about them all the time. It's good and kind to be considerate, but don't go crazy trying to avoid exposing him to booze all the time. He will deal with it, or not, but it isn't your responsibility.

You ARE being very exceptionally considerate, though, not to drink around him, yourself. I think that's really nice and supportive.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:53 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post

You ARE being very exceptionally considerate, though, not to drink around him, yourself. I think that's really nice and supportive.
There may not be a party with him anyway. He seems to be pushing me away. Maybe I liked him more than he liked me. I told him I would be there for him. If i don't hear from him in a week, or maybe less, I am going to tell him that I want to see him, and drop off the dog treats that I keep in my car to give to his great dog every time I am at his house. He never calls me and we only went out once a week.

He has a lot of issues. He's been in bad or unavailable relationships. I told him that if we can't be more than friends, that friends would be fine too. I don't want to push him, but I don't want to be ignored either. I will tell him that I will be there for him and I'm only a call away if he needs anything.

As far as not drinking around him it wouldn't be an issue for me. I'm not a big drinker and haven't even gotten drunk since my early to mid 20's. I don't even like alcohol with dinner. I hate beer with food, but I will have a glass of wine with dinner on occasion if I go out and everyone else is having it.

I have another friend who is an alcoholic or problem drinker (son of alcoholics) , but he seems to get along fine, i think he drinks every day. I've only seen him drink too much once when another alcoholic friend from out of state was visiting our area.

I did have a bad experience on a cruise with a friend who was an extreme alcoholic who never made it to dinner the whole week or spent any time with our group.

I think a common thread with alcoholics I met is that they don't have a car in an area where it is semi-suburban (or needed) and everyone else does.
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:28 AM
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I'm to the point where I get a little annoyed when asked if it's okay to serve alcohol or drink in front of me. I know it's coming from a good place. But it's your party or whatever...

I'm not all that new to recovery/sobriety though - 3+ years.

What I appreciate the most is when I get an invitation, sometimes I'm told alcohol will be served - if I'm not told, I can ask if I need to know. And then I decide whether to attend or not - just like anyone else who gets an invitation.
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