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How can I help??????

Old 03-10-2011, 07:57 PM
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Unhappy How can I help??????

I have a family member who is an alcoholic and has been for over 9 1/2 years. They have shared with me time and time again that they know they need to quit but it's impossible. I know that quitting is not an over night thing and have tried to learn as much as I can about the addiction so I may help. I have offered to attend AA meetings with them, I'm on call 24/7 if they need me etc. Health is also an issue now because after so long how much more can your body handle. My question to anyone on here is How can I help them? What more can I do? What am I missing? I am so supportive of them and only want them to get better. As much as they want to stop its been a battle and I feel like I need to figure out whats next. I can not force them into treatment....or else I would have long ago. Please if anyone has anything to say about this I would appreciate it.
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Old 03-10-2011, 08:05 PM
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Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here.

You are right, you cannot force them to do anything. Letting them know that you will support them should they decide to get help for their problem is about all you can do. After that, step back and let them decide what road to take. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to control the issue.

If the drinker is an adult, they have every right to drink if that's what they choose to do. You have the right to decide what you will and will not expose yourself to or live with. Have you considered Al-anon meetings? You will find people there who understand because they all love an alcoholic, too.

Again, welcome to SR. We are here to support you.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Lisa0808 View Post
I have a family member who is an alcoholic and has been for over 9 1/2 years. They have shared with me time and time again that they know they need to quit but it's impossible. I know that quitting is not an over night thing and have tried to learn as much as I can about the addiction so I may help. I have offered to attend AA meetings with them, I'm on call 24/7 if they need me etc. Health is also an issue now because after so long how much more can your body handle. My question to anyone on here is How can I help them? What more can I do? What am I missing? I am so supportive of them and only want them to get better. As much as they want to stop its been a battle and I feel like I need to figure out whats next. I can not force them into treatment....or else I would have long ago. Please if anyone has anything to say about this I would appreciate it.
Tell them it's not impossible. Ask them if they are happy. At least the person has acknowledged a problem, so that's a start. You can't do any more that to offer that you will be there for them. You are not missing anything, they are.
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:10 PM
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suki44883- I was not aware that I could go to a Al-anon meeting but I will look into it. Thanks for letting me know.
sofloguy- They have said they are not happy and they don't know why they continue to drink and be miserable, but we all know this is a process and they need to take one day at a time. Thank you both for responding. I am happy I found this site now I can have some support. I may let my family member know this is available to them as well.
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:10 AM
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Hi Lisa and WELCOME to SR. I'm glad you found this place. There's lots of support to be had here.

When you go to Al-Anon, which I sincerely hope you do, you'll learn about the 3 C's of addiction:
You didn't CAUSE the addiction
You can't CONTROL the addiction
You can't CURE the addiction

No matter how much love, support, encouragement, hand holding, manipulation, threatening, yelling, begging, pleading you do...you cannot change the alcoholic. You simply do not have that power. The only power you have is over yourself.

I applaud you for coming here to search for answers. It's great of you to offer AA meetings to your loved one. But beyond that, it's best to step away from the alkie and let this person, who happens to be a grown adult, perfectly capable of reaching out for help, find recovery himself/herself.

By trying to do it for them, you are robbing the person of the dignity of finding recovery for himself/herself. Doesn't that person deserve that dignity?

I do hope you keep reading and posting here as much as you like. SR is always open.
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