cat69

My life seems to be an emotional and financial mess. Each day is a struggle but I think I may have hit a day end. I just took a second job to improve the financial part it is temporary through January. I was so proud of myself and I felt that a weight had been lifted. This would be perfect for me especially since Christmas is around the corner, and my daughters Birthday right before Christmas. Since I am playing catch up this could be an answer to my financial prayers.

Last night was my first night and it was great, well until I got home. My husband was very distant and cold I knew right away he was mad. I tried very hard not to let it get to me. I did well for the most part until he made it very clear that he was going to lose interest in me very soon because I was working two jobs. He also made it very clear that HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF HIS SON!!!! He was not going to play mom & dad both and his time was not going to revolve around MY DAUGHTER as he so clear stated.

I assured him that the job was only through January and it would be a great help for Christmas money. He stated HE could take of HIS SON”S Christmas and money was not everything. Again his choice of words left me feeling alone and abandon. After all I was only thinking about what would be helpful to our family and financial issues.

He told me; he would not be at home while I was working, he would get a babysitter for HIS SON and he would go out and hang out with HIS FRIENDS. (All of his friends drink daily and to the extreme) It does not matter about what is best for the kids, it is also about his fun. He told me the only reason he came home each night was because I was here. If I had to work there was NO REASON for him to come home at all! My question was what about the kids, there home work dinner there daily routine etc. He responded with he could get a babysitter for HIS SON or he could take his son around his friends. (I do not permit him to take my daughter into that type of lifestyle.)

This Morning I went to kiss him goodbye; he turned his head and pushed me away. He then snapped at me and said YOU WILL be surprised what today will bring!

The truth of the matter is there is nothing he could do that would surprise me. He has left me several times already. Physically and emotionally. Each time he physically moves, he packs up ALL his and HIS SON”S (as he states) gets a truck moves it all out leaves the house in a mess, then he calls stating he is sorry, he loves me, he made a mistake he wants to come home etc. Some old Same old…..

I grow more empty, alone, and confused each day and he does not seem to care either way. I don’t want to give up on the man I feel in love with but standing bye him gets harder each day. It seems to be all about HIM! I now wonder if he was ever the person I once believe that he was. Could it ALL have been a lie?

Living with an alcoholic was hard but now I find living with him sober is just as hard if not harder!!!!!! I am starting to feel hopeless and afraid that I am about to give up!!!!

JT

What you are describing is control and abuse. He wants you where he wants you when he wants you there. The MY son YOUR daughter stuff?? BS if you ask me. Your daughter hears these things and feels the feeling behind them. Sheer cruelty!!

You say he has left before and he has a suprise in store today??? If he packs up again...call a locksmith!!

Hugs,
JT

DarkGravity

Hey There Cat69-

I don't have any advice for you, but I do have a BIG HUG for you!
Just Tired pretty much explained it all....sounds like he's getting a kick out of controlling you. I do feel sorry for his son, because he will have to always put up with him.
Get those locks on the door changed out if he leaves you again....show him that YOU are in control, not him! Let him know that he can't push you around like that. Funny thing is, he'll have to bite his lip, because he did it to himself - he left.
I've put up with a contolling, manipulating boyfriend before and I know how tiring the cycles can be!

Take Care Cat, and know that we all love you here!

phoenix

I hope you'll be very careful,and get through today as best you can.The "You'll be surprised..." statement kind of sends up a red flag to me.Just take extra good care of yourself.

Beyond that,you and your daughter don't deserve that sort of treatment.When you marry someone with children it should become a blended family,not a yours and mine sort of thing.It doesn't sound as if he can offer that sort of love.

I know it's difficult.I ended a marriage because of very similar issues.And he'd been sober 11 years at the time!It was hard,but I couldn't raise my child in that kind of environment.I hope you'll find some peace.You and your daughter deserve a happy and healthy life.

Hugs

phoenix

LovingMom

I have no advice for you. I'm sorry. I wish I did. I can tell you that just from what you have described..It sounds like a scarey and fearful situation. You are doing what you felt right for your family. A husband and wife unit should be a team...you sound like there are two teams in your house...your's and his. He says that he is taking his team off the field and leaving...LET HIM! Do you really want someone there that doesnt want to be there...that by withholding his affections for you is his way of saying "his way or no way?" Darlin...go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself this........I am worth more than this. I am worth more than this man can or will give me.........I am working for the greater good of this family. Let him leave if he feels he must. But find that locksmith today or stop by Home Depot on the way home from work and change them yourself. It's easy to do and takes about 15 minutes. Then hug your daughter tight and get on with getting on. Hummm wow...guess I did have some advice for you huh? LOL

Big hugs for you and your daughter...and your stepson...he is really gonna need it.

12stepmarce

Al-Anon really helped me learn how to "Say what I mean, Mean what I say, and don't say it mean." I also learned that I deserve this same type of treatment from others and what to do about it when it's not happening.

I hope you're going to meetings and have the support and love from people who have it to offer.

cat69

Thanks Christine- Your words of kindness are much appreciated. Kind words don’t often come my way these days only the insults and criticism. I guess I know right from wrong and what is expectable and not expectable IN MY HEAD, it’s just my heat that want so badly to hold on. It is like an inner battle between the two each passing day, and I often wonder which will win. I guess maybe a part of me knows I may have to loose and take a lose before I can win! Your right I am tired and that does say a lot because the are so many things that I am tired of. I could probably list hundreds. However last night I did reach the point were I broke down and everything that I was tired of just came pouring out. I did tell my husband of at least 100 of them. He sat there for a minute rolled over and went to bed.

I guess that is why I feel that he just might be gone by the time I get home tonight. But I have made up my mind once he leaves again the will be no returning!!!!