starlight40

getting by,

When I left my abusive ex. I borrowed the money, and put him on a plane to visit his family. While he was gone I moved me and my kids.
And when he got back he was met with a restraining order.

Do what you have to do to stay safe. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jazzman

Hey GB, sorry to see you back under these circumstances. I'm with NoDay, exit strategy time. Trust your gut on this one and get yourself safe and those kids away from that man.

Do me a favor and keep posting on regular intervals. You remember megamysterioso (Mega)? She was in a similar situation, posted almost on a daily. Then she just stopped and we never heard from her again.

Verbena

I'd say depart and detach.

tallulah

The irony is that, in abusive households, the abused has detachment down to a fine art. It's almost like an out of body experience. Your niggling little voice deep in your gut KNOWS this is all f'd up and not right, yet you become distanced from it. It's like watching a scene from a movie almost.. like this is not really happening.

But it's a situation where you have to be plugged into every little nuance, word and action. So detachment kind of keeps you in a vulnerable position. You are between a rock and a hard place. It's like sitting in a foxhole, whilst trying to ignore the war raging around you. You think you're out of it... but you're really always on alert, waiting for someone to come over the edge all guns blazing.

The only way to do detachment successfully, imo, is to remove yourself from the situation that keeps you plugged in. Get out of the front line and retreat to a place of safety.

Tx

LexieCat

The police in our jurisdiction are specifically trained to charge any incident of "choking" or strangulation as a crime rather than as a disorderly persons offense of simple assault.

It is, indeed, a highly dangerous act, and a common one among abusers.

GettingBy

I appreciate all the comments/thoughts.

Jazzman - I will keep you in the loop. I remember Mega, and I remember be so scared for her.

It helps to write it down and tell me people what's going on. I go back and read what I wrote and see just how dangerous and real the problem is.

I'm sad to see my marriage come to this, but the reality is - it's beyond repair.

I called the hotline. They gave me lots of great ideas on how to protect myself and the children. Lots of simple little things so I can be prepared to react if/when he gets physical again. It's time for an exit plan.

LexieCat

Great, glad to hear you are taking this with the gravity it deserves.

Getting moving is the hardest part. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hugs,

GettingBy

I'm *bumping* this thread.... Because this was me one year ago. February19th, 2011 my husband got drunk and choked me. I was scared and stuck. It took me another 8 months to truly obtain acceptance and find the resolve to walk on my own path.

I'm amazed and so proud of where I have come. I would have NEVER pictured the life I have today this time last year. This life is better than my wildest of dreams!!!

For those of you who are still in the cross-fire... There is hope... Always lots and lots of hope. Patience and persistence are key... As is letting go of the outcome. Trusting your HP and have faith that you are okay, today... You are right where you need to be. Live in this moment. Find the good and grasp it tight... But not too tight because it too shall pass. Life is filled with change... And that's a good thing!!!

MsMahon

Thanks for bumping this Gettingby. I got such a lot of help from the information posted on your thread.

It's great to hear you sounding so positive and happy.

I'm getting there too.

Much love and hugs

xxxxxxxxx

akrasia

I'm really glad to hear that you're in a better place.

Tuffgirl

Shannon, I remember this post and not knowing what to say, on top of being knee-deep in my own stuff. But I can say now that you have come a long way and it is so awesome to be able to go back a year and see the progress.

Keep on keepin on!
~T

MyBetterWorld

I thought this all sounded really familiar! Thanks for bumping.....glad to hear this isn't still going on! YIKES!