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A Punch To The Stomach

Old 03-06-2011, 09:47 AM
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A Punch To The Stomach

Just saw pictures his daughter (13) posted on her Facebook-this weekend they are at the house of a woman he has been with on and off for the past 5 years or so...
I know it's her house because her 2 dogs are in the pictures, along with his dog.

Blindsided again-I must really enjoy being hurt.
I thought coming here and reading the stories of others would help me become stronger-I was wrong.

God help me.
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Old 03-06-2011, 09:51 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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*dislike*

time to block him from facebook, hon.

You have a whole life going on right in front of you.
That fb thing just drags rubbish into what could be
a whole new gig.

jus sayin.
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Old 03-06-2011, 10:05 AM
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You can get stronger, but continuing to pick at the scab keeps the wound from healing. It's best to just block anything that gives you any information about him. You can't fret about what you don't know about.
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Old 03-06-2011, 10:21 AM
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Ugh - Facebook - the place to get your feelings hurt. I quit that site, because it became a place to monitor and be monitored in a way that felt uncomfortable. I don't miss it.

But I do miss keeping in touch with the people I care about...just found it was easier to pick up the phone or write an email instead of being blasted each day with a whole bunch of stuff I didn't care about.

When I feel punched in the gut with something - I sit down with my own gratitude list and rewrite it. I am on version number 171. ; )
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:07 AM
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I do that too. I "monitor" sites looking for information. I know I have stalker potential.For me its the emotional equivalent of cutting. But you know what, after the initial punch to the gut I see the insanity of what he is choosing, and am glad his choices no longer affect me directly. And it does make me stronger. Catch your breath, stand up straight and carry on with your life!
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:32 AM
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Come here to read & get stronger... ditch FB. You have to resist that self-destructive urge to poke at that wound, dig at that scab. It won't heal otherwise.

Don't waste your time with it. Move forward.

Easier said than done I know, but if you enforce it... for as long as you HAVE to enforce it <~~~ which is YOU taking care of YOU... then soon it won't be something you have to enforce upon yourself. It will be normal. And you'll feel so much better.You can't control what other people say or do or post. But you CAN control what you let into yourself of it. Good luck because I have had to learn this over & over & over. Like someone else wrote, I long ago had to recognize the Potential Stalker in myself & can't allow it free reign.
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Old 03-06-2011, 12:19 PM
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we dont need any of thatstinking thinking BLOCK HIS a** and move forward, take it one day at a time...and keep it simple....
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Old 03-06-2011, 12:24 PM
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Yup, lotsa good advice, here.

And, don't forget, FB allows HIM to keep tabs on YOU, too. Do you really want that?

I'm NOT a fan of FB--I have a blank profile that allows me to view my friends' pages, should I choose to look, but I hardly ever go on it unless someone asks me to look at something.
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Old 03-06-2011, 01:38 PM
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Thank you for all your thoughts-and I know you're right....
This is the only thing in my life that I am soo weak about.
I need to figure out WHY I cannot let go UGH
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:04 PM
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Others have written about the down side of Facebook. The only thing I have to add there is:

What better things could you be doing with the time you spend on Face Book punishing yourself?

I've got a few suggestions:

Watch a great movie
Plant a garden
Take up a craft
Sign up for a line dancing class
Go for a run or walk
Bake an apple pie and invite six friends over to eat it
Read a good novel
Turn up the music and dance naked in your living room.
Go for a drive.
Drive to a (safe) neighborhood that you don't live in and look around.
Visit a museum or art gallery
Learn to play guitar.

The point of this is that one afternoon, you'll notice all the fun your are having without him.

The stories let each of us know we aren't alone. They let us know we aren't crazy because this crap happens to us all.

But each of us has to do something to make our selves strong. Who said getting stronger had to be all hard work and no fun?
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy View Post
I do that too. I "monitor" sites looking for information. I know I have stalker potential.For me its the emotional equivalent of cutting. But you know what, after the initial punch to the gut I see the insanity of what he is choosing, and am glad his choices no longer affect me directly. And it does make me stronger. Catch your breath, stand up straight and carry on with your life!

I never thought of monitoring as the emotional equivalent of cutting!

What a brilliant statement!!

I rarely visit facebook because of the keepin up with the Jones factor. It is BS.

My girlfriend told me this morning: "We don't care where you are at in life, we have all been there. We are old (I'm only 45. She is 46..that is old! lol). I believe she is sincere. I don't trust others however!
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:41 PM
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Try not to overanalyze anything posted on FB.

Everyone is always trying to project a 'fabulous and exciting life' but that is all it is, a false projection. Everyone's kids are awesome, they all have bitchin weekend plans and groups of smiling, great looking friends!

But it isn't real. It is a narcissists dream.

It is a horrible place though if you have a tendency to be stalkerella. I know because I have that tendency but if you falter, try not to interpret anything you read or see.

Go out and live your fabulous life! Not just post about it
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:13 PM
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Thanks again everyone-

The thing is I DO have a great life-I am a singer, lots of friends, a great family, travel, financially secure-he is the only part of my life I can't handle well.
I'm beginning to think the problem is me-not him....
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:17 PM
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I'm beginning to think the problem is me-not him..
Well, this is good news, because the only person you can control is you. Not him.
Focus on your positives and expand on yourself.

Beth
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:22 PM
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Huh...that is a good thing, isn't it?

I'm a great person, he just can't see it!
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove View Post
Huh...that is a good thing, isn't it?

I'm a great person, he just can't see it!
He doesn't have to see it. It sounds like he has moved on and you should do the same. There is no good reason to keep torturing yourself. He lost out. Too bad for him. Go be that great person and surround yourself with people who appreciate you.
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