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my responsibilities

Old 03-06-2011, 09:07 AM
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my responsibilities

I am so upset at myself and accept responsibility for what I did and know it is not a big deal but just wanting to post here to let it go.

My son had a school concert yesterday that I was looking forward to attending and I think he was also. Unfortunately I completely forgot about it.

I am not going to make excuses and take full responsibility for forgetting but in a "normal" world would this have happened? Who is to say.

This just goes to show me my focus is still on AH and not on my own recovery. This weekend was weekend for son to be with AH and that creates so much tension for me leading up to it, I just don't function properly. I even called my son yesterday to make sure everything was ok and didn't have any remembrance that he needed to be at this activity.

When I saw my son today he remembered and looked sad that he missed but was ok. My AH was standing there when my son told me he remembered about it and he just kept talking to me about what was going on with him

I just feel so bad that my son probably spent the whole day yesterday sitting in front of the tube and AH sleeping. IMO participating in this concert would have been better for him and I am so disappointed in myself for not remembering.
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Old 03-06-2011, 09:25 AM
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I feel you! Oh, I do! I have been posting about my terrible memory and how it is stress related!
I'll tell you, this is a GREAT opportunity (I know it doesn't feel great) to be gentle with yourself. It is an opportunity for self love. (I know you are feeling unloveable), but there is a part of you that is the nurturing parent or the wise woman or your HP or whatever you want that LOVES you and KNOWS you are good and okay and are allowed to make mistakes, however big.
So FIND her or experiment what she WOULD say to you if you can't find her yet.
She would say, "You are human. You have a huge heart. You are good and kind. It is okay to screw up. It is normal. The universe is big enough for your mistakes. You got something good out of it - that is to observe the stress from dealing with your AH. That's fine. That's good to know. Now breathe. Stop beating yourself up. Breathe. Feel how loved and safe and okay you are..."

Build your relationship to the one that will nurture you. She will serve you well throughout your life.

Hugs,
peace
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