Shortcomings or Boundaries?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
Shortcomings or Boundaries?
A bit confused today.
I met with some friends for lunch. We have been friends for about 20 years. Our husbands got along, kids about the same age, went on trips together, spent holidays together. Not so close the last few years because well, kids grow up and people get busy and life changes. Admittedly most of our get togethers involved lots of alcohol consumption. There's a great deal of "life experiences" between us as well-Cancer, death, money problems, divorce.
Listening to these women who I have felt have always been good friends talk it was like I had "outgrown them". It's the same old thing. Kids are unemployed mooching off mom and dad. Waiting for disability or settlement check to go to the casino. Cancer survivor who is on oxygen smoking. Other was saying she told her daughter to elope because she does not have the money to spend on a wedding. Can't believe her stepson is getting into debt for college-she allowed her girls to drop out of High school.
It was as if I suddenly realized that we have totally different values!
Am I being the judgmental person I know is one of my shortcomings? Or am I simply realizing that this is not what I find acceptable in my friendships anymore. I feel awful about feeling this way. It's not like being friends with them comes at a cost, maybe I just feel I have lost respect for their choices. Can I simply detach myself from them after 20 years of friendship?
I met with some friends for lunch. We have been friends for about 20 years. Our husbands got along, kids about the same age, went on trips together, spent holidays together. Not so close the last few years because well, kids grow up and people get busy and life changes. Admittedly most of our get togethers involved lots of alcohol consumption. There's a great deal of "life experiences" between us as well-Cancer, death, money problems, divorce.
Listening to these women who I have felt have always been good friends talk it was like I had "outgrown them". It's the same old thing. Kids are unemployed mooching off mom and dad. Waiting for disability or settlement check to go to the casino. Cancer survivor who is on oxygen smoking. Other was saying she told her daughter to elope because she does not have the money to spend on a wedding. Can't believe her stepson is getting into debt for college-she allowed her girls to drop out of High school.
It was as if I suddenly realized that we have totally different values!
Am I being the judgmental person I know is one of my shortcomings? Or am I simply realizing that this is not what I find acceptable in my friendships anymore. I feel awful about feeling this way. It's not like being friends with them comes at a cost, maybe I just feel I have lost respect for their choices. Can I simply detach myself from them after 20 years of friendship?
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Friends can grow apart. Have you been feeling like this over a period of time or it this just a one off thing? Whichever, don't beat yourself up about it. Only you can chose whether or not you want them in your life - it is YOUR life.
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