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Found another bottle...

Old 03-04-2011, 11:25 AM
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Found another bottle...

Just got home from my Counsler, met with my Preacher over lunch who is a good friend, walked around the house.... looked in the pine tree (normal) hiding spot, but this one was in the FRONT yard! Normally it was confined to the BACK yard! AH hasn't been here since Monday when I made him leave. So how many more am I gonna find?? Why do I still look for the hidden bottles? I guess it was a reminder that I am doing the right thing. I guess it just snaps me back into reality that he is an alcoholic, not just someone who drinks too much a few days a week when not working! OMG!

My Counsler told me to give it 3 months out of the house. Tell him he is to go to AA, get a Sponsor, get counseling and then decide if progress is being made. Then I can think about when or if I let him back into the house. I hope to make it 3 mths without cutting the cord completely!
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:29 AM
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yep. Sounds familiar. You will keep finding them, even when you are not looking. They are pretty crafty. And being drunk, they don't even remember where they put the empties.

It's enough to drive one to Drinkin'!

The hard part is giving up, letting go, and choosing not to care about the drinking and the lying. I struggle with it still. but that is what "they" say "we" are suppsoed to do.

It is futile to track it or bring it up. Serves no purpose other than to make you even more mad.
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:01 PM
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I'm gonna try my first Al-Anon meeting tonight. Still pisses me off that I am going to counsleing and meetings when it's not my problem!! Anyway, gonna give it my all for 3 months! That way I have no regrets if he fails, our marriage of 9 short months fail, etc. Just want a clear conscience before making any major decisions. My preacher/friend told me today "no reason to make rash decisions unless the car is on fire and I am in it"! Well right now I am watching it burn from a distance! I guess I would make it rash if he was abusive or financially draining me. I am lucky to be able to support me and my living. I guess that is one YEA for me! Also the promotion I got last week won't hurt! My life is good outside of him! So I gotta quit letting him bring me down. (I'm giving myself a pep talk)
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:17 PM
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Smile

Originally Posted by BenRadBel View Post
I'm gonna try my first Al-Anon meeting tonight. Still pisses me off that I am going to counsleing and meetings when it's not my problem!! Anyway, gonna give it my all for 3 months!
Good for you! Do give it your all; its worth it!

This feeling is normal. Took me many months at Al-Anon and even here on SR to get over the idea that this wasn't my problem - it was his. But you know what, I had a lot of problems because of it that I wasn't aware of until I began working the Al-Anon problem.

Now - 6 months after my first meeting, I don't really feel angry anymore. More like resigned to what life is today. And that feels good!
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Good for you! Do give it your all; its worth it!

This feeling is normal. Took me many months at Al-Anon and even here on SR to get over the idea that this wasn't my problem - it was his. But you know what, I had a lot of problems because of it that I wasn't aware of until I began working the Al-Anon problem.

Now - 6 months after my first meeting, I don't really feel angry anymore. More like resigned to what life is today. And that feels good!
That's program, not problem...darn coffee!!!!!!! My brain is moving faster than my fingers!

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Old 03-04-2011, 12:23 PM
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Sounds familiar ..i have lost count of the amount of bottles I have found over the yrs. Each time I thought i knew all of my sisters hiding places ( yes I used to go looking for them! ) another would pop up in a new place. Now I dont search anymore...her problem her mess her responsibility
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:37 PM
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For some reason our post reminded me of a thread we all enjoyed a few months back...

...it gets a little raw in places, so if you don't feel ready to read something like that you might wait awhile. But, here it is:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ldnt-know.html

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 03-04-2011, 01:03 PM
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OMG! That was so real! I had to laugh too though. I can tell when he would walk in the house. I could tell by his eyes, by that dang voice he used, by the way he tried to walk lightly around the house, dropping the remote on the hardwood floor, by the way he breathed, by the way the kitchen/den looked, by the grass on the table that came off a bottle that had been hiding in the pine tree! One of my favs was the pound of soap in a glass he used to cover up the Wild Turkey smell!

I know it has only been a week since I made him leave, but my house (which I had before he moved in and we got married) is feeling like MY house again!
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Old 03-04-2011, 01:35 PM
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You have so much now: your own home, you are self supporting, you clearly have a good head on your shoulders, you have good friends and all us SR posters.

You've read our stories, believe them. Take care of yourself.
I think it's generous of you to give your AH the 90 days.

Knowing what I know now, I sure as heck would not.

I have an AH. He didn't start drinking heavily until we'd been married 20 years. Even then I missed there was a problem because my mother went through a decade of heavy drinking and she just decided one day to quit drinking. "I don't need this stuff anymore. Beer gives me indigestion," she said.

I assumed my husband would quit too. Oops. Wrong.
I've wasted so many years. I almost left him 15 years ago--it would have hurt like hell. He won me over with his crocodile tears. Oops. Stupid. Alcoholism is progressive. I didn't know that then.
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Old 03-04-2011, 05:51 PM
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only married 9 months! Be glad you found out about it now and not 9 years from now. You are in the drivers seat. Take a good long read through so many of the posts here. The cold hard fact is he is most unlikely to achieve long term change. Prepare yourself for that eventuality. I completely understand giving it every chance you can. I've done the same. And I only received ANY movement towards sobriety when mine knew I was not kidding at the end. Once I had decided I would leave, she could sense it, and she knew she no longer had the power over me. I hope you can convey that message.

Before you get in too deep, just ask yourself how may second chances you're willing to endure. What ever the number, stick to it. If he can be one of the statistical anomalies and fix this on his own and now, then bravo. If he can't, then know you did everything you could and that is more than most would have endured.
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:22 AM
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"no reason to make rash decisions unless the car is on fire and I am in it"!

LOVE that!! Reminds me that I don't need to be all crazy right now...got months to plan and figure out what I want for my life. No need to worry about it all right this minute.
Day by day....
thanks!
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