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The phone call...

Old 03-04-2011, 10:55 AM
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The phone call...

Ugh. For the first time in 7 years since I kicked the AD out, I got the call asking me for a place to stay.

I was dumbfounded.

I made it clear that staying with me was not an option.

All those crappy emotions from that horrible time period 7 years ago came flooding back.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I still feel like I'm going to throw up.

It doesn't help that I ate Chinese food last night which normally isn't a problem unless I get crazy with the soy sauce, and the MSG triggers a migraine, which I did do.

Can't get ahold of my sponsor right now so I hoped posting here would help me feel better.

I've got to get my focus back on the scads of homework in front of me.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:05 AM
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Sending big hugs and prayers out to you and big congrats on not saying yes to your AD.

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Old 03-04-2011, 11:39 AM
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You are doing the right thing.
Now he has the gift of seeing the consequences of his own actions.
Now you can maintain the gift of a drama-free home.
You are doing the right thing.

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Old 03-04-2011, 11:59 AM
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Oh that must have been so hard.

Maybe 15 minutes outside (or in a dark room if you have a headache) would help to clear your head to focus on the work?

You are doing the right thing by holding your boundary even though the physical reactions feel different. That is what I remind myself of anyway.
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:31 PM
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Focus on the homework, on the furbabies, focus on yourself.

I know what it's like to have someone from the past trigger you. I went through the same thing when my ex husband contacted my cousin to contact me about some tax paperwork from a couple of years ago. Just seeing his nae on the email sent me to a place I didn't want to go. I took a deep breath, took my time, emailed him back, told him to take care of it as I no longer had the paperwork. After a couple of half-hearted tries, he gave up emailing and I assume he took care of things himself.

Hugs coming from me and my furbaby........
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:34 PM
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Good for you sticking to your boundaries. I can't imagine what it must take to do that with a daughter. I hope I'm that strong if I ever need to be.

Thanks!

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Old 03-04-2011, 12:43 PM
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may I ask what happend to make her want to come home?
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Old 03-04-2011, 01:39 PM
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Hugs, DeVon.
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Old 03-04-2011, 02:04 PM
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Hold the line, lady. You are doing right. It will be okay. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-04-2011, 02:52 PM
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Oh geeze, DeVon.. just wanted to send you a virtual ((hug)). You're doing the right thing.
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Old 03-04-2011, 03:51 PM
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I finally reached my sponsor, and as we were talking, I told him I realized even though my place is not an option, nor will I bend on that, there is a part of me that feels bad about it. More work to do on the past, in the immediate future for me, for sure. There's some guilt there tied in somewhere that I need to release.

Poor planning on her end does not constitute a crisis on my end. I've done everything humanly possible to help her, and none of it has worked. I knew that in my heart when I walked out of our last jail visit a few years ago. I need to get back on that page, don't I?
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Old 03-05-2011, 12:06 AM
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(((DeVon)))) - I'm sorry I'm glad you got hold of your sponsor, and recognize what area you need to work on (the guilt).

Very proud of you for holding your boundaries, but then I had no doubt. It has to be a really icky feeling, but I'm glad you posted here, and you know that you're getting lots of hugs and prayers, from those of us who love you.

Homework has helped me get through a lot of stuff. Something about having to concentrate on something else, though it's TOUGH stuff to learn, it's still calming to me. It keeps my mind preoccupied until I'm ready to deal with the feelings I'm putting off.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-05-2011, 12:28 AM
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I also have some guilt/sadness work to do. I live 25miles away from XAH of 3 1/2 years. I had really worked hard to let him go and had tried everything (except intervention) to try to help someone who was not ready for help. Recently he showed up working on the building beside me (construction) right where I see him laying brick out the window. This was so strange to see him because he didn't have a job and was not working for 5 years because of a dui, no liscence etc.......SO .......and he lives 25 miles out in the country. So wierd.....he did not know I was right there looking out the window at him. He has no idea I work there. So I was thrown into these feelings of (miss him/ love/loved him) for a second......but luckily went home to see all the Charlie Sheen stuff on tv and a reminder I do not want to revisit that insanity. Luckily the XAH is laying brick and has moved around to another side of the new building where I do not have to see him anymore. Out of all the buildings in my town probably a million......why HP? does he end up where I am looking out at him.....because I have more work to do. I am grateful he is driving again and working. I am also very grateful that I have progressed. I have doubled my meetings. Today I will sit in the sun, work in the garden, walk in the country and concentrate on me.
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:18 AM
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Kudos for staying strong and knowing when to pick up that phone and call your sponser!
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Old 03-05-2011, 04:18 PM
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Amazing still how that connection never goes away for an addict. No matter what you've said along the way, you will always be in the back of her mind as a viable option should the need arise. Sad.

I applaud you for standing up against the call for what must feel like an eternity of having to do so. You are not immortal, you are human. Give yourself some leniency on the guilt, I say. Just saying no is hard enough.

Hugs to you!

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