New to this....

Old 03-02-2011, 06:38 PM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 38
New to this....

My husband of 9 mths, is an alcoholic. Last weekend I asked him to leave. I guess I knew it looking back before we got married. However he always said the right things....which never lasted long. He has a lot of stress I understand with his ex wife and not having his daughter in his life. However, I was never a priority. The drinking and lying finally registered to where it was bringing me down. Not to go into all the terrible details.... He has started going to AA, taking it seriously, so he says and trying to change. He seems better then I have ever known him. However, I am "negative nancy". Has good as he sounds, I am not sold. I wish there was a time limit on when I can say he is good, no more problems, or he's not gonna make it. I want him to make it, I want a life together.. if he changes. So now, I am stuck. I'm too smart to take him back in the house. But dang it hurts to not have him here. I'm gonna try Al-Anon Friday. No real question here, just commenting.
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Old 03-02-2011, 07:04 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Welcome, and glad you're going to Al-Anon.

Yeah, it's tough--we WANT them to be better, and we WANT to know if they are or they aren't so we can get on with our lives.

Alcoholics don't recover overnight, even when they are doing their utmost. And even when they are doing their utmost, the best they can do at the moment, they can slip.

So it's important to learn a little bit about the disease (so you know what you're dealing with) and to take good care of yourself in the meantime.

If you haven't already done so, I recommend that you read "Under the Influence" and also AA's Big Book. They are very educational and enlightening. Then, focus on what you want and need. And that's where Al-Anon comes in.

Stick around, this is a great place for support.
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seekingcalm (03-02-2011)
Old 03-02-2011, 07:17 PM
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 628
Welcome to SR.

I felt the same way...wanting to know how things would turn out. Now, after more than a year of al anon and this forum, I somehow don't have to know. I will be ok whether my rabf, former live-in boyfriend, remains sober or not.

You are wise to wait and see without letting him move back in. Time will tell, and in the meantime take care of you. Al-anon is a fabulous idea. Hope you will keep posting here as well.
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