Thankful I fixed my manipulation radar
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: California
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Thankful I fixed my manipulation radar
Just wanted to say that through everything I've learned in my time here, and other support, I am so thankful that my I'm-being-manipulated radar has been reactivated.
For several days now my STBXAW has been making a big deal about severe pain in one of her knees. She doesn't know how she injured it. She's been taking lots of ibuprofen (on top of the alcohol) but claims that nothing really seems to help and she's trying to decide whether to go to the doctor or the ER.
Me: Well, you're the only one who knows what it feels like and if it needs urgent attention.
Her: I don't want to go to the ER because they won't believe me, they'll think I'm just drug-seeking.
Me: Are you looking for pain relief, or are you looking for diagnostics?
Her: You don't believe me either. I'm just not going to go.
Me: Whether or not you go is on you, that has nothing to do with me.
It's been like this for almost 3 days now. All I know is if it were me, and my knee were hurting the way the story is told, my butt would be at the ER. In the past, I would probably have left work and gone home to take her to the hospital...and wasted most of my day in the process. Not this time!
For several days now my STBXAW has been making a big deal about severe pain in one of her knees. She doesn't know how she injured it. She's been taking lots of ibuprofen (on top of the alcohol) but claims that nothing really seems to help and she's trying to decide whether to go to the doctor or the ER.
Me: Well, you're the only one who knows what it feels like and if it needs urgent attention.
Her: I don't want to go to the ER because they won't believe me, they'll think I'm just drug-seeking.
Me: Are you looking for pain relief, or are you looking for diagnostics?
Her: You don't believe me either. I'm just not going to go.
Me: Whether or not you go is on you, that has nothing to do with me.
It's been like this for almost 3 days now. All I know is if it were me, and my knee were hurting the way the story is told, my butt would be at the ER. In the past, I would probably have left work and gone home to take her to the hospital...and wasted most of my day in the process. Not this time!
It's like talking to a 3 yr old. Or that old joke "who's on first". I have these kinds of conversations with my daughter and I finally just get fed up and tell her to "stop that crapola" and make a decision. 
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Oh, it gets better. She stopped drinking today and went to the doctor, who prescribed Vicodin. She's probably done with this binge, acting apologetic with severe denial about the state of our relationship. Lots of dots on my manipulation radar tonight...
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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Thank God for SR, eh?
Vicodin, eh? SCORE!!! What did you say/do when she told you she scored the Vicodin? Wonder how long the scrip will last? Oh well, not your problem unless she is responsible for caring for your son.
Jeez, when are you going to be able to remove yourself and your son from this drama? Are you just waiting for things to get worse or what? I understand and am very sympathetic to your situation with a young child -- I am not pushing. Just wondering where your head is at in this regard.
Vicodin, eh? SCORE!!! What did you say/do when she told you she scored the Vicodin? Wonder how long the scrip will last? Oh well, not your problem unless she is responsible for caring for your son.
Jeez, when are you going to be able to remove yourself and your son from this drama? Are you just waiting for things to get worse or what? I understand and am very sympathetic to your situation with a young child -- I am not pushing. Just wondering where your head is at in this regard.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
jayscott,
I am with tjp on this, the first I thought of was "score!" when I heard she got vicodin.
Sigh....still have those reflexes.
Following the tape through for me gets my mind right again.
I agree that getting away with with your son would be good for both of you.
Drinking and drug seeking were never a part of my recovery.
I am sorry though, jayscott.
It still sucks mightily.
Beth
I am with tjp on this, the first I thought of was "score!" when I heard she got vicodin.
Sigh....still have those reflexes.
Following the tape through for me gets my mind right again.
I agree that getting away with with your son would be good for both of you.
Drinking and drug seeking were never a part of my recovery.
I am sorry though, jayscott.
It still sucks mightily.
Beth
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: ozarks
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Jay,
By my reckoning your child is only 3-4 months old…
Is your wife still nursing while she’s taking vicodin?
I know you said your mom left so who’s watching your child?
I hope you’re still using daycare.
Good luck!
By my reckoning your child is only 3-4 months old…
Is your wife still nursing while she’s taking vicodin?
I know you said your mom left so who’s watching your child?
I hope you’re still using daycare.
Good luck!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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Originally Posted by hurtandangry 
Jay,
By my reckoning your child is only 3-4 months old…
Is your wife still nursing while she’s taking vicodin?
By my reckoning your child is only 3-4 months old…
Is your wife still nursing while she’s taking vicodin?
Dr. Thomas Hale's Infantrisk Forum
I'm a bit supporter of extended nursing, but in your case, it would be best to either use donor milk or formula.
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Little J turns 8 months this weekend, he's on formula and solids (which he LOVES) so thankfully I don't have to worry about passing on any chemicals. He's still in daycare, I drop him off in the morning on the way to work and pick him up on the way home. It makes me sad that he spends so much of the day away from family, but it's 2000% better than the alternative.
Last night, I was reading through the thread from the person who just started their 6-week separation and must confess to a bit of jealousy. The divorce process in CA takes a minimum of 6 months, so it's at least 5 months more before I can be 100% confident that the home environment will be free of the see-saw chaos. Her rehab friends and doctors are trying to convince her to go back, which I would support.
And then I would change the locks.
Last night, I was reading through the thread from the person who just started their 6-week separation and must confess to a bit of jealousy. The divorce process in CA takes a minimum of 6 months, so it's at least 5 months more before I can be 100% confident that the home environment will be free of the see-saw chaos. Her rehab friends and doctors are trying to convince her to go back, which I would support.
And then I would change the locks.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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Originally Posted by jayscott
Her rehab friends and doctors are trying to convince her to go back, which I would support.
And then I would change the locks.
And then I would change the locks.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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Wouldn't it be possible for you to petition for interim sole custody of your son and sole use of the family home, thus forcing her to either a) go back to rehab or b) figure out her own living accomodations. Divorce can come later, but at least starting the process of custody and separation could get the ball rolling.
I'm just saying this because it places you in a position where you don't have to wait after her to make up her mind about what she's doing. You take action and she can react however she wants.
I'm just saying this because it places you in a position where you don't have to wait after her to make up her mind about what she's doing. You take action and she can react however she wants.
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Wouldn't it be possible for you to petition for interim sole custody of your son and sole use of the family home, thus forcing her to either a) go back to rehab or b) figure out her own living accomodations. Divorce can come later, but at least starting the process of custody and separation could get the ball rolling.
I'm just saying this because it places you in a position where you don't have to wait after her to make up her mind about what she's doing. You take action and she can react however she wants.
I'm just saying this because it places you in a position where you don't have to wait after her to make up her mind about what she's doing. You take action and she can react however she wants.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Difficult night of keeping my boundaries / sticking to my plan...AW's binge is done and now she wants to talk about rebuilding the relationship and putting our wedding rings back on. Took everything in me to say that I didn't want to put my ring back on, but I said it.
Progress, but feel like a traitor...
Progress, but feel like a traitor...
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Jayscott -- reminding you its all about actions...not words...not rings. And not actions for a day, or a weekend....but long term. She sounds like she wants things to be "all better" right now. She wants to be rescued from her pain and these consequences she is most certainly feeling now. This is not the time to back down. Not even a little bit.
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Don't say it mean
Stay strong brother -- it's working.
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Don't say it mean
Stay strong brother -- it's working.
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