Why
 

I dont understand the things you do to youself.
You tell me how much you want to get better and put the past behind you. You take three steps forward and then you take three steps back. I know I cant help you, and it has to come from you... I have seen you at your best and at your worst. You have no idea how much your hurting yourself and me . Im scared and I dont know what to do . Do I let you hit rock bottom before you realize that your going to lose it all.... You think you can do this by yourself and I know you cant. You have to be able to reach out for help . If its not me, then your sponsor thats why hes there.

Why are you afraid to ask for help

So what are you doing to help YOU?

3 C's

You can't control him
You can't cure him
You didn't cause his problem

I know its easier "said" than done...
And what are you doing for you..? who is your real life support?

Step away from the alkie and let him find his recovery himself. There's nothing you can say, or do, or not say, or not do, that will change him. If you are going to expend energy, do it to focus on yourself.

I love it when a thread starts about the alcoholic and the focus gets turned back on the codie. Sherry1, it took me months to wrap my head around focusing on myself, and I really resisted for a while. I still struggle with it. But I quit asking the "why's" because I won't understand why. Ever. I am not an alcoholic. My mind works differently (and by that I am not saying better - just different). My attitudes are vastly different. And I have a program for myself that I work everyday. Keep trying to focus on you. Let your alcoholic go be their own grown-up. Let go and Let God. That's what the catch-phrase means. Keep trying, knowing each day will be a challenge until it starts to become second nature.
Take good care!
~T

I think 'a lot' of times the "pains" run deep for alcoholics (or addicts of any kind), "pains" being- low self confidence, shyness, low self esteem, lack of self love, feeling anxious, nervous of being made fun of, add anything else you like to the list. The alcohol becomes a crutch, a way to mask these pains and get through fill in the blank... the party, the stress of marriage, work, life. It then becomes habitual, or perhaps one has convinced themselves that they drink for very superficial reasons... "I like the taste of beer," or "I like to have a few drinks when out with friends..."

In my experience, when someone reaches out for help, they are then faced with themselves. They are forced to look deeper, look inside themselves, become honest about why they use the crutch the way they do. Once you acknowledge those things about yourself, you are then forced to 1. Live with them the way things are (or, live with yourself the way you are), or 2. Deal with them (or, change the way you are). You cannot un-acknowledge these things once they are brought to the surface. But, to go there psychologically, deep into oneself, is scary. And painful. And one has to be ready.

But have hope... you can help yourself to keep sane in the process. And, I heard a great quote the other day...

"You cannot think yourself into right acting, but you can act yourself into right thinking."

I am continuing on my path alongside ABF, and so far we are in the "right acting," and just for today, I am grateful and thankful for the strides we have both made in our respective journeys.