How to Support My Father While Dealing with His AW, MY AM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
How to Support My Father While Dealing with His AW, MY AM
It seems that alcohol and drug addiction will forever be a part of my life! I have been worried sick about an ex b/f who is once again "missing" back on the streets using. Each time this happens I think this has got to bee the end of the road for him...it scares me and I live in constant anxiety that today will be the day that I will get "the call"... : ( At the same time my father is trying to manage my alcoholic 63 yr old mother and has once again called me to tell me that she has fallen off the wagon and has been holed up in her room completely smashed all week! Insurance wont cover inpatient and out patient is not working!!!!! I guess my fathewr will have to take her to emergency and have her admitted some how!! I dont know what to tell him. He cant deal with her any more and feels that he has to babysit her. Hes afraid to leave her alone. I tell him that he has to go on with his life. How does he go on with his life when he is afraid she will passout, fall, or just drink herself to death?????? What do we do???
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
My stepmom has a "pill issue" and my dad has turned codie, enables her (when he's not totally frustrated at her), and I live with both of them.
Since I'm an RA and a recovering codie, I've made recommendations, but have totally stopped being dragged into their drama. I've told him he has choices, and he has to live with the consequences of them.
He's watched me grow in recovery, the past almost 4 years, and some of it has rubbed off. He actually went to his first al-anon meeting last week.
I used to worry, give advice, get frustrated when I was totally ignored, until I hit MY bottom with their situation. Dad will get angry, call her a "junkie", then pay for her to go to the dr. because she has legit pain issues. We have no idea of how much of what she takes, but she stays in the bed 90 or laying on the couch day and night. She has, in the past, passed out, and though it initially got me upset and I'd give her hell, I've told her "I will make sure you're breathing (I was a nurse), but I'll let you lay wherever you land. Dad did the same, the last time she did it, but one of her dr's retired, and she lost access to the amount of pills and hasn't done it in a while.
I actually live with them, thanks to the financial/career consequences of my own addiction, but I've learned, the hard way, that I can't fix either of their situations. Dad has made some improvement, but has a long way to go. I've told him "I love you, but I can't help you if you don't want it". With stepmom, she's totally "content" being chronically depressed, a raging codie, and wanting any and every pill to make her numb.
It's not easy...it makes me sad, angry, frustrated, but they're grown adults...he's 71, she's 64, and basically miserable. I still have hope, but I do my own thing, and work my 2 jobs, go to school, and stay in my room, when I'm at home.
I love them dearly, but I refuse to get into this situation. Like I said...it took me time, reading a lot on here, but I'm at peace with my decision, and my stress level has gone down, quite a bit, once I stepped back.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Since I'm an RA and a recovering codie, I've made recommendations, but have totally stopped being dragged into their drama. I've told him he has choices, and he has to live with the consequences of them.
He's watched me grow in recovery, the past almost 4 years, and some of it has rubbed off. He actually went to his first al-anon meeting last week.
I used to worry, give advice, get frustrated when I was totally ignored, until I hit MY bottom with their situation. Dad will get angry, call her a "junkie", then pay for her to go to the dr. because she has legit pain issues. We have no idea of how much of what she takes, but she stays in the bed 90 or laying on the couch day and night. She has, in the past, passed out, and though it initially got me upset and I'd give her hell, I've told her "I will make sure you're breathing (I was a nurse), but I'll let you lay wherever you land. Dad did the same, the last time she did it, but one of her dr's retired, and she lost access to the amount of pills and hasn't done it in a while.
I actually live with them, thanks to the financial/career consequences of my own addiction, but I've learned, the hard way, that I can't fix either of their situations. Dad has made some improvement, but has a long way to go. I've told him "I love you, but I can't help you if you don't want it". With stepmom, she's totally "content" being chronically depressed, a raging codie, and wanting any and every pill to make her numb.
It's not easy...it makes me sad, angry, frustrated, but they're grown adults...he's 71, she's 64, and basically miserable. I still have hope, but I do my own thing, and work my 2 jobs, go to school, and stay in my room, when I'm at home.
I love them dearly, but I refuse to get into this situation. Like I said...it took me time, reading a lot on here, but I'm at peace with my decision, and my stress level has gone down, quite a bit, once I stepped back.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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