This is all so new

Old 02-28-2011, 04:00 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
I agree with Tuffgirl that you are not connecting/recognizing your feelings.
In addition to that, he is not connecting with his own real sober feelings.
Which means the two of you are probably failing at emotionally connecting with each other, because with the two above things going on--how could it be any different?

Listen, you know something is wrong. Normal people drink socially, or ocassionally at home, but not every night.
When someone drinks everyday, they are escaping reality. You want to know why in the world he wants to escape reality. I know that your lives are perfect, but nobody's are, so forget that excuse.
When someone drinks everyday--they don't connect with you. When that person is a partner, it really hurts. How often is he grounded in reality? How often is he saying--so how are WE today? How often is his thought processes that of a sober partner working toward a better life together, as we all do? How often is he connecting emotionally with you at all? You feel the disconnect emotionally! You haven't put words to the feeling yet, but you sure are feeling it.
Your partner is not grounded in reality nor present in the moment with you. I know what it feels like--as if there is someone in the room that is on another planet--and they are.
Listen to your heart. It's telling you that he's not with you, not with reality, and not in the present, and not in normal thinking patterns.
You don't need to be abused, he can be generous and all the things you stated--but you still know that something is off, and you know exactly what it is.
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Old 03-03-2011, 04:07 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5
Once again, thanks for the repsonses. I've been doing some soul searching and not sure at this point how I want to move forward, other than I'm not ready to give up on "us" yet. This is the first "real" conversation that we've had about this and I have hope that things will change, even slightly. It has been 6 days since he has had anything to drink. Right now his goal is one week, but we have a concert to go to on Saturday and he knows he's going to drink then, as I would expect him to. After that, we don't know where it's going to go yet.

One day at a time right now for us
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Old 03-03-2011, 05:43 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Blog Entries: 3
My father is a functioning alcoholic. He's 70. He never missed a day of work. He still drinks like a fish. I see him and think, well...maybe it doesn't have to progress...
But the truth is, I have a problem now. We all do. That's why we searched online and found this place.
My husband (click on my name and go to my first posts to see my similar story) is a love. He is smart and caring and thoughtful. He cooks and cleans and does fun stuff. He is handsome and funny and so in alignment with me in so many ways.
He has some depression issues. He is VERY private/secretive. He hides stuff when he think I will think less of him.
But he has a drinking problem. He has hidden it for years and he lies about it.
That doesn't work for me.
I have been separated for over a year.
At first I wanted him to come clean (so to speak) and just TALK to me about wtf was going on to have him hide and drink the way he did.
He never really could.
Eventually, I got desperate and told him he HAD to quit.
At the last minute, he said he would.
The sad part is, it is too late.
Number one, I don't believe him.
Number two, it's not about not drinking, it's about the attitude, the hiding and lying, the shame...the lack of dealing with life.

They say when someone is in recovery, you can see it from a mile away.
If you are questioning and doubting and self doubting and running around in desperate mental circles, he (and probably you) are not in recovery.

I am divorcing my loving, wonderful man because I deserve more.
And you do, too.

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