Things are looking better
 

I thought I couldn't get housing assistance for at least 4 months, but I guess it was good to be wrong. I went in and filled it out, I just need to get a few copies of stuff and begin the search of an apartment. She said it wouldn't take too long. Feels good to get that done! I am not mentioning it to A at all until I am ready and set to GO. Now on to getting an account in my name.

I don't know what he is thinking, because today he woke up saying he didn't feel well so he is home from work today.An hour later he is fine, but still doesn't want to work. Then he makes an appt for couples counseling...? I said I am not sure I want to go and I'd rather he make an appt for himself first. His response was, "Well I get my stuff done through A.A. and if I did that it would cost too much because my insurance doesn't cover it."

Sounds to me like he senses you are making your moves and he's grasping at straws to convince you that things can work out between you. We call that quacking. Don't listen to it. Continue taking the steps you are taking. The doors are opening up for you, so please take advantage of them. You don't have to agree to couples counseling. If you're done, then be done.

Lucky you! Housing here is an 18-24 month wait, needless to say I'm just getting a regular apartment.

And yeah, he's grasping at straws.

Most employers offer Employee Assistance programs, that pay for a certain number of counseling sessions(for both family and the employee) so he's quacking a bit there.

Yay for housing assistance! I'm so glad you're getting the ball rolling.

If there was anything that technology could give us at the moment, it would be a "MUTE" or "IGNORE" button for the alkie in our lives. Would come in reeeeeeal handy, don't you think? :c031:

I'd agree that it sounds like he feels you letting go and is trying to pull strings to figure out what will get you to stay. IMO, the insurance statement is a load of quack. If the insurance would cover couples counseling, why wouldn't it cover individual counseling as well? It's not really a two-for-one type of thing. And it's not like they'd say both of you have to go get a root canal because one of you needs it. Bleah.

Glad to hear the apartment side is moving along. Wishing you peace and continued strength.

Absolutely he senses it. They have a very intuitive and adaptive "radar". If you've made up your mind, stick to it. Joint counseling will only confuse YOUR issues. He has nothing to lose.

From my experience, joint counseling with an alcoholic is only a losing proposition for us. Since they are not bound in any way shape or form to the truth, they can say what ever they want. And most things you say will be met with a "prove" it mentality. Since you have been living with an alcoholic, you have developed a tremendous ability to compartmentalize and forget about his bad behaviors. You simply have to in order to survive.

Next, what ever the matter is a compromise will the the outcome. If your entering position is normal and reasonable, you can bet your bottom dollar his position will be way, way out to the fringe. And the compromise will be somewhere near the middle of these two diametrically opposed positions. And it is a win for him, as you are doing more of what he wants, yet less of what you want.

If you feel trapped or compelled to go, remember this. And what ever you want, go WAY, WAY over the top. This way the eventual compromise is closer to your reality.

Stay strong.

My ADP knows I am looking for a place, says he doesn't want me to go. Says he loves me and will miss me, but that I need to learn 'acceptance'...meaning I have to accept that he is a drunk. Meaning, too, I have to learn that I will spend what's left of my life watching him dozing off on the couch with his bottle tucked under a cushion, and me watching my life circling the drain and waiting for another verbal attack that he wont remember in an hour.
Knowing that I will not put myself in a position of taking a vacation in which he will be drinking heavily the whole time, or doing anything fun because he is always buzzed.
I have even considered starting to drink myself (mostly pretending) to give him a taste of what it's like to be around a nasty @ss drunk, or just stop taking care of myself and getting fatter'n hell and let him accept that.

Good luck with your escape, LS2. I hope you make it and don't let him get in your way. ♥