lillamy

as it is to those of my friends who haven't had the experience of living with a controlling A.

I bet I'm the last person on earth who's seen "Eat Pray Love" but I watched it today. Thinking I could use seeing a feel-good movie about a woman who changes her life radically for the better.

So if you haven't seen the movie and want to, I should warn you that I am revealing important plot points here.

The main protagonist is in India, at an ashram, and meets this older American who's telling her how it's done. He's rude and abrasive (to my ears) and it's inconceivable (to me) why she keeps listening to him. And then he finally breaks down and tells his story: He's a drunk, and driving drunk, he narrowly avoided running over his own child. And after that, his wife left him. And he's telling this story in tears.

The scene was set up for the audience to feel compassion for this man. And I couldn't. I wanted to hurt him.

In another scene, an attractive Brazilian man has set up a romantic outing for the protagonist, planned a get-away for a few days for the two of them -- and she tells him she has commitments and things she needs to take care of and can't go. And he raises his voice and starts pressuring her to abandon the things she has planned and go with him and says something like, "you are just afraid to admit how much you love me." At that point, I wanted to throw up. Even more when she, after first refusing, chose to go with him.

All my girlfriends are raving about what an incredibly inspiring movie this is. And my takeaway was basically "even if you go to India or Bali, you're just as likely as you are in your own back yard to run into some control-freak addict!"

I think I have a lot of pent-up anger.

jamaicamecrazy

Yes, you probably do. I think it is funny how what others think of as "romantic" has been warped by our experiences with alcoholics. I think we just have to come to terms with the fact that our view of things is different. We see it from a different angle, another filter. My personal favorite is the song "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. People play it all the time at weddings and such and think of it as so passionate but I just keep thinking "if you had to put someone to bed with an aching head as often as I have you would see how it's not so charming!" I have not seen the movie but I read the book and I did enjoy most of it. I do think it was "glorified" but many of her insights rang true- at least for me. Thanks for sharing your views.

TakingCharge999

Oh me too.... pop culture isn't the same anymore!! haven't read the book or watched the movie..... but after such a review maybe I have better ways to spend my time!!

Bridget Jones? I also thought "for some reason she has to choose one of the males and none are worth a dime".

PurpleWilder

I would love to see a good movie where a strong female character has lots of romantic interests and picks.....nobody. And that the movie would make a point of it.

That's right, she picks being single and exploring herself and the world around her without being portrayed as a social outcast or some sort of pathetic creature whose emotional shortcomings "make" her walk away from - gasp - the only thing that can truely redeem her - a romantic relationship with a REAL MAN!

<ACK>

That's me, gagging....

JenT1968

I've not seen the film, I have no desire to, my best friend loves it which is nearly always a signal that I will lose the will to live somewhere within the first 10mins of viewing. I've always thought this sort of rubbish was, well, rubbish. Movies have exactly nothing to do with real life, and heroines are always being pressured to be other than themselves in order to please others. I have also never really found spritual awakening films to be all that great in that the awakenings are usually so bleedin' obvious and sign-posted with big flashing lights just in case the audience doesn't quite get it somehow, that they lose all sincerity for me. and films with dogs in, what's that about?

My absolute favorite romantic/popular films are where a man through sheer stalkerish persistence finally persuades the idiot female lead to realise that he is indeed perfect for her and that she actually is completely in love with him despite what she thinks.

This is a feminist complaint re film and book plots that has been circulating for decades and in my case has naff all to do with having been up close and personal with an alcoholic.

kiki5711

watch the movie "The Stoning of Soraya M".:. Now here's a movie about strong women.

Learn2Live

What a telling post Lillamy. To me, your post says that you have become aware of truth. That you're not buying the emotionalism that movies, music and other pop culture means to instill in us. I have become that way perhaps to an extreme. I don't buy any of that romantic BS anymore. I don't believe in it. Probably because I feel it's all a lie and a manipulation. Hallmark sentimentalism to get you to buy stuff.

lillamy

OMG, I just spit coffee all over my computer screen! You are TOO funny!

True! I don't mind dogs, though. I think I like movies about dogs better than movies about romantic relationships. As long as the dogs don't talk.

JenT1968

I love my best friend, but we cannot watch films together, we have completely opposite tastes cinematically, except for ludicrous hammy "horror" films, we both like those.

Thumper

With four boys a large percentage of the movies I watch have dogs in them. Talking, drooling, lost, bionic, flying, lovable, adventure driven, secret agent, best friend, basketball playing dogs. :sigh:

I like all kinds of movies but some just rub me the wrong way and the pre-married to an alcoholic me probably wouldn't have blinked. I can mostly watch any movie with anyone that doesn't discuss the movie the entire time the movie is actually playing

ETA: I haven't seen the movie in the OP

seekingcalm

I totally agree Lillamy, I read the book and I did see the movie, great scenery, and I did enjoy them, but both left me thinking that her spiritual "journey" just led her to another man, so what? What is so inspiring about that?

lillamy

I tend toward stupid comedies lately. They're easier on me than the ones that purport to be deep but that aren't.

StarCat

I haven't seen the movie that started this thread, but judging by what you posted I would agree with you.
Popular Culture is completely different to me, too. I sit and listen to the songs, and I've got my own take on most of them, that makes them completely different than what anyone else would believe.


This morning, on the drive to work, I completely broke down in the car listening to the radio.
The song that did it to me? "Let Her Cry". I figured I must be the only person in the world to have a mental breakdown listening to a song by Hootie and the Blowfish. I mean, really? I heard the song a trillion times before, but this morning it was a different song than all the other times, this morning it was about someone trying to figure out how to detach from an addict they love.
YouTube - Hootie And The Blowfish - Let Her Cry (Video)

This weekend I watched a movie called "Fried Green Tomatoes." That was a movie I needed to see, very uplifting and inspiring - I laughed and I cried and it felt great.

Thumper

That song is a great example. I loved it back in the day (well I still love it) but I 'hear' it differently now.

Live

The song by the Police "Every Breath You Take" is conceived by many to be about love. I think it is creepy and is a stalking song! LOL
Weirds me out LOL and I want to yell...get off me!!!!!!!!!!!

lillamy

How about Rihanna's song... "You're gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I love the way it hurts... you're gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie; I love the way you lie..."

I'm thinking the original Grimm Brother's fairy tales were less gruesome.

StarCat

You know the song from My Fair Lady, "Knowing I'm on the Street Where You Live"...
My sister commented the first time we saw the movie that the guy seemed like a creepy stalker to her.
I wish I'd had her insight back then.

That song, lillamy? Yuck. I have to turn the radio to classical every time that song comes on, it makes my skin crawl.

sailorjohn

Agreed.

Believe it or not, actually watched this 'chick flick'. Being on long flights these days means you either have to have a good book to read or watch the movie, airlines have pretty strict criteria about what they show.

Part that I found disturbing, the great 'tragedy' of the heroines life was a divorce!

A divorce! OMFG. And the rest was fairy-tale crap, supposedly all a true story. Next time I have to bring a book!

dancingnow

This song and others, scares me thinking what my teenage daughters and even my son are growing up listening to.

Thanks for posting about that movie, hearing your thoughts gives me confidence in trusting my feelings more.

That's the point I am at now with how I'm viewing the world, over 20 years with an AH telling me my thoughts/feelings don't make sense/mean anything and I watch a movie everyone loves because it feels good and I think there's something wrong with me because it makes me not feel good.

Well again thanks for sharing your view and hope you don't mind me leaning on your strength a little to get some confidence/trust in my own self back.

Shellcrusher

He wrote it after separating from his wife and confirms that the song is creepy for exactly what you said.

Back to the original post. I've never really watched a movie with the purpose of learning something from them. I like em because they let my head check out for a while.