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Antidote to quacking...honesty!

Old 02-21-2011, 10:50 AM
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Antidote to quacking...honesty!

Wow, I got some real honesty this weekend. His quacking from last week must have resonated with him because he began acknowledging things yesterday that he has never acknowledged before. It was amazing to watch the dawning of the truth happen before my eyes.

Just wanted to share because several of you posted on my angry quacking thread last week that maybe he is trying to "talk the talk" in order to internalize "walking the walk", and he actually admitted to that very thing yesterday. The expert admitted he doesn't know everything - that is HUGE!

Anyway - progress, not perfection, right? That is becoming my new mantra.

Thanks, all, for the reminder that sometimes quacking, even when it is quacking, is also a learning experience for the RA's. I wouldn't have even considered that perspective had it not been pointed out to me, which in turn allowed me to listen to him yesterday with an open mind myself.

Happy Monday!
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:56 AM
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Yay! Yup, progress, not perfection.

I've heard it said that we can't think ourselves into right-acting, but we can act ourselves into right-thinking.

It's sorta like learning a foreign language. You have to keep doing it and doing it and make mistakes and keep doing it.

"Fake it till you make it" does have its virtues, IMO. So long as you don't fake it forever. I had to practice talking/thinking/acting like a sober person. Over time, the phrases that I parroted became internalized.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:05 AM
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And Happy Monday to you, tuffgirl.

I relate to a lot of your posts as being similar to my difficulties and feelings.

It isn't all black and white, is it? A lesson I too am learning.

They're not the devil, and neither are we.

I'm glad to see that there was progress with him, as well as it leading to progress with yourself.

Just like me though...no counting chickens before they hatch. Protect thy heart.
This, I must remind myself of constantly on the good days like lately with talks of reconciliation.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:06 AM
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Forward progress is encouraging.
Here's where I've screwed up with it.
I encouraged the growth. In other words, I took ownership of their success. They in turn took several steps back. It was strange. You'd think Pavlovian stuff works but it backfired on me.

I hope it continues for you, Tuffgirl.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:22 AM
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I'm so excited for you, Tuffgirl!

I hope this progress continues, for the sake of both of you!
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by brokenheartfool View Post
Just like me though...no counting chickens before they hatch. Protect thy heart. This, I must remind myself of constantly on the good days like lately with talks of reconciliation.
I hear ya! And should have finished my first post with "open-mindedness does not mean trust, it simply means open-mindedness".

I am still very wary... and for good reason!

Only time will tell if his actions match the words. I am in no rush, thankfully!
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
"open-mindedness does not mean trust, it simply means open-mindedness"
I've been told this one:
It's always good to be open-minded, but don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
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Old 02-21-2011, 07:47 PM
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Baby steps, baby steps. I heard my husband make some "insightful" comments about his situation. Comments that I ordinarily would have said "No sh** Sherlock" to. But I have learned to keep my sarcasm to myself and trust that he is slowly seeing that perhaps I am not the problem. I have a "hands off" policy now and just let him come to his own conclusions. This way he can own up to his drinking or his sobriety-whichever he has chosen for the moment.
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:42 PM
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Is it the full moon or why are we all going soft on these guys?
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