Oh...he was just joking, right!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I was a teacher when I was married to XAH. I experienced lots of stress. My hair would fall out, I slowly lost 30 lbs., I would grind my teeth, I couldn't sleep.......I blamed all my stress on teaching which was very stressful. I was teaching in an inner city school with very few breaks, lots of bullys ,fights, irate parents, unsupportive administrators, huge class sizes etc.....At my 30 years of (required) teaching I retired. I still kept all the stress symptoms. I realized it was the marriage. I could change the job situation. I couldn't change the alcoholic. I drove 30 minutes to Alanon once a week. We lived way out in the sticks. I slowly started to see the real deal of my life and why I was stressed/unhealthy/crazy......I got a great sponser who led me to therapy, yoga, and meditation. After learning to focus on myself and educate myself on codependence I got better. I left the marriage after a couple of years of struggling trying to change him. Now post divorce 3 years I am doing well. I grew up in an alcoholic family. It looked "normal" to me. I still go to Alanon and am very involved in it. It is a process. SR helped alot too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
There was no way for me to just move out and continue in my same job, same town, same area, same home (I had my own) and etc and have any kind of real safety and peace of mind, leave alone go about re-building a life and having friends.
It's true,...in some ways being with him was less stressful because I knew what he was up to generally.
I don't know if I have talked about that part of it before. It is very uncomfortable nearly a decade later.
Separated (we broke up and made up quite regularly)...I never knew when, where or in what form he was going to mess with me, only that he would; and that is terribly unnerving.
I moved once about 5 hours away. That wasn't enough. The final time I moved 1000 miles and told almost no one I was going or where. That ended things and allowed me to be free.
Leading up to that I had all the paperwork in order, a scary looking guy staying with me 24/7 and at my side except when I was working, my house and yard booby-trapped.
He still snuck up to the house and listened outside my window, threw a huge rock (small boulder) right to where the back of my head was, thinking it funny to announce himself that way and startle me, let himself into the house more than once, (whether I was there or not), despite security-let himself into my car when I was working, followed me on the road as I came home from work through a long, lonely dark stretch that lasted miles, would tell me about things I had worn or bought new while we were separated and I hadn't seen him or had a clue he was around, drove by my work as I arrived and honked as I got out of my car, many many things like this.
So you see, I had the feeling that I COULDN'T get rid of him. Breaking up didn't mean anything. Moving home didn't mean anything.
I stayed in town at my daughter's for awhile until that didn't work out and, before that I wouldn't have left with her in that town. ( I lived very ruraly)
I don't think about this very often at all. It is very unsettling.
But telling him to get out, leave, you are done and etc just doesn't apply sometimes.
It's true,...in some ways being with him was less stressful because I knew what he was up to generally.
I don't know if I have talked about that part of it before. It is very uncomfortable nearly a decade later.
Separated (we broke up and made up quite regularly)...I never knew when, where or in what form he was going to mess with me, only that he would; and that is terribly unnerving.
I moved once about 5 hours away. That wasn't enough. The final time I moved 1000 miles and told almost no one I was going or where. That ended things and allowed me to be free.
Leading up to that I had all the paperwork in order, a scary looking guy staying with me 24/7 and at my side except when I was working, my house and yard booby-trapped.
He still snuck up to the house and listened outside my window, threw a huge rock (small boulder) right to where the back of my head was, thinking it funny to announce himself that way and startle me, let himself into the house more than once, (whether I was there or not), despite security-let himself into my car when I was working, followed me on the road as I came home from work through a long, lonely dark stretch that lasted miles, would tell me about things I had worn or bought new while we were separated and I hadn't seen him or had a clue he was around, drove by my work as I arrived and honked as I got out of my car, many many things like this.
So you see, I had the feeling that I COULDN'T get rid of him. Breaking up didn't mean anything. Moving home didn't mean anything.
I stayed in town at my daughter's for awhile until that didn't work out and, before that I wouldn't have left with her in that town. ( I lived very ruraly)
I don't think about this very often at all. It is very unsettling.
But telling him to get out, leave, you are done and etc just doesn't apply sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Easy way to save your texts when your phone doesn't have the capability.
I have a simple little flip phone. No smart anything. Just very basic type.
I didn't think I could save my texts...couldn't on the phone.
A friend told me I could actually set up my email as a contact and forward them to it.
Sure enough..it works.
Better than nothing!
I think you need to add a deadbolt or two on your doors and keep your landline phone on you at all times when your home.
You may even want to tape a conversation with him about those calls.
At least you'll have some evidence that he was psychotic.
I have a simple little flip phone. No smart anything. Just very basic type.
I didn't think I could save my texts...couldn't on the phone.
A friend told me I could actually set up my email as a contact and forward them to it.
Sure enough..it works.
Better than nothing!
I think you need to add a deadbolt or two on your doors and keep your landline phone on you at all times when your home.
You may even want to tape a conversation with him about those calls.
At least you'll have some evidence that he was psychotic.
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