Kassie2

I have been asked if I want to take my maiden name back after the divorce.

I am not sure I want to change it because my current name is shorter, easier and I don't want to go through all the changes to all my stuff like I did five years ago. I remember taking off a few days of running around, faxing, mailing etc just to get it all done.

My STBXAH and I work at the same place and see each other everyday. We are near retirement so neither of us going anywhere. I am ok with the name but wonder if it odd or if anyone had regrets not changing it? We do not have any kids together.

I was wondering what others did or think about this?

LaTeeDa

I kept my married name for some of the same reasons.

Plus I have two kids and they both prefer to have the same name as me (we discussed it). Plus I've had this name for more than 20 years, so it really has become my identity.

And, it was sort of a bonus that my keeping the name irked my inlaws. (okay, maybe that's not one of my healthiest reactions, but what can I say?)

L

zrx1200R

No kids, makes things easy.

So do which ever you like. I've known many women at work who changed back. It seemed part of their moving on.

cb12

my mom kept her married name after my parents divorced. She too had been married for over 20 years, and felt that she identified more with her married name than her maiden name.

Being their child, it was a little weird for me when my dad got remarried and all of a sudden their were two women with the same very uncommon last name.

laurie6781

I went back to my maiden name, but if I had to do it now, I don't know that I would only because of having to change everything including passport, and passport takes the longest, (can be months now) lol

Whatever you are most comfortable with, since there are no kids involved.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

StarCat

Do what is most comfortable with you.

I know people who have changed it back, and people who haven't, and one person who kept it then added a hyphen when she got married a second time.

It's whatever feels right to you, and makes you most comfortable. It's your decision, and nobody else's.

wicked

I think the eagle is smirking irkfully. hehehehehe

If I didnt have children, I would have done it when I got divorced because I do not like my married name. I wonder now if I want to change it to my maiden name.
Hmm, my maiden name is quite "irish" and I identify, but to my father's name?
I don't know.....
Maybe something just made up to go with my first name?
Elizabeth G. (for maiden name) ? Macbeth
beth macbeth?
obviously, i need to think.

theuncertainty

Hi, Kassie. I just got to send out the e-mail to my work contacts letting them know about the name change and asking them to update their records and my e-mail address. YAY! (HR and Security were a much simpler process than IS - And not all of the computer stuff is changed yet - some of the access rights didn't transfer to the new name (arrrrgh)...)

I went back and forth on the name change. When I initially filed for divorce, I wasn't going to, mainly because I wanted the same last name as DS. However, as I thought about it more, I realized I really, really, really, really needed to no longer be Mrs. X.

Maybe if the relationship hadn't been what it was, I wouldn't have felt the very strong need to no longer be identified as part of his family. But then again, if the relationship hadn't been what it was....

IDK. What feels right for you? I know a few ladies who changed their names back immediately, a few who changed their names back years down the road, some who are happy to stay as-is and a quite a few who had never changed it in the first place...

Cyranoak

...we were having yet another fight about the divorce I wanted and she didn't. Frankly, I don't remember her being drunk during the fight, though she was drunk most of the time.

Regardless, I finally just told her I was divorcing her, and that her only choice was to make it easy, or make it hard. Either way we were divorcing.

Her response? "FINE, BUT I'M KEEPING YOUR NAME!!!"

Cracked me up. When my grandparents immigrated here they changed our name to something from the dictionary that they thought sounded Anglo-Saxon and started with a specific letter of the alphabet. It's not even our real name.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

LexieCat

When I married #1, I took his name. We had kids. When I married #2, I changed it to #2's name. Changed it at work, changed it on my professional license. I left #2 only a few months after we'd married. By then #1 was remarried. #1 had a lengthy Polish name. #2 had a short Irish name that sounded better with my first name. I had three options: Go back to #1's name (since he was remarried that seemed weird), keep #2's name (odd because we were married such a short time, but I liked the name and it sounded good, and I'd already gone to all the work of changing it), or go back to my maiden name, which NO one ever knew me by, professionally, and would have made me feel like Sybil.

I took the path of least resistance, and kept #2's name.

Heh, I handled our divorce, myself, and when I sent him the paperwork for him to sign, he said he'd sign it only on the condition that I stop using his name. I said, "F**k you, for your information it is legal for me to call myself by any name I please. Sign, don't sign, makes no difference to me, if you want to make things difficult." I got the paperwork--signed--the following week.

HoopNinja

I changed my name. . .but I never wanted his name when we got married. He just whined so much because his first wife kept his name and he thought it would be weird. After months of it I finally said fine. But I kept my maiden name as part of my middle name and the kids have 2 middle names--one being my maiden name.

For me, by the time I left I really wanted nothing to do with him and since I did not want it to begin with I was happy to get rid of it. Besides, I never liked him family so I did not want to be name after one of them

Kmber2010

Kassie, when I divorced I left my name as was - it was hyphenated. It didn't bother me. Now I ended up remarrying and thats when I changed it.

It didn't bother me at all really since my maiden was already in it and all my docs, etc. was in that name. I knew I could change it whenever I felt so it was no biggie for me.

All the best!

Learn2Live

I think I would like to change my last name to "Snoopy," then everybody would smile when they say my name

Keep the name if you like it.

Carol Star

I went back to my name. His was his- mine was mine. I had no children with him. It was easy and just had to write letters to about five places. It was one way for me I found me again.

mtnmagic

FWIW - I wasn't sure which way to go regarding my name.
I have kids with my ex's last name, but I really like my maiden
name, always have.

I made sure that my final divorce papers gave me the option
to return to my maiden name. It was not there when it was
originally drawn up.

It is almost 10 years since my divorce, and I have retained
my married name through this time because it has been easier.
However, I really think some day, I will go through and change
to my maiden name. I'm told as long as I have the decree
saying I can, the time passed is not a factor.

You might want to give yourself that option and can make
your decision at a later date.

brokenheartfool

In the United States you can change your name anytime to anything you want.

Pelican

I asked for the option to change my name back to my maiden name in both of my divorces. It is only a sentence added to the final document. I didn't have to use the option if I chose not to.

It was my understanding from my sister and other friends, that asking for the name change at a later date involves more money and a seperate legal document.

I chose to have the option put into my divorce. After my divorce from Hubby #1, I did not change my name back to my maiden name. I had two very young children with the same name.

When I married again, I took his last name. After my divorce from Hubby #2 (AXH), I waited over a year to exercise my right to change my name back to my maiden name.

Based on my experience with name changes over the past 16 years, it gets easier as technology improves.

stella27

I did. I wanted out and away from that family and all of their dysfunction and nastiness toward me.

I do have kids who are still N. And of course I will answer to either, but I wanted to not be Mrs. N one minute longer. It makes me feel good to be who I was born to be. again.

passionfruit

God Bless America!!

Kassie2

Thanks for all the replies. I didn't know I could request the option - I have to read the paperwork to see if that is offered. I thought it was either or now.

I would take that option if available because i know it is costly to do so after the fact. That is why I am putting thought into this.

To me, it is a name I am comfortable with - yes he pushed me to change it when we got married but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't ready to let go of former name. And I really don't want to go back to it. This name altho it represents a lot of trials and errors, it also represents the emergence of ME. It was through this awful mess of a marriage that I learned to be ME and have continued to discover more of that. At the end IDK how I will feel about a name but I do know that I switched to my middle name as a first in my 20's to represent a change I went through then, so it seems I am doing it again.