Going No Contact after breaking up-A good idea?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 21
Going No Contact after breaking up-A good idea?
Just curious about people's opinions about going No Contact after a break up.
When I broke up with my AXBF 2 weeks ago I immediately went NC.
During his last drunk call he revealed to me that he had been playing mind games and lying to me. Afterward, I had an 'AH-HA moment' when I thought back and realized this behavior had probably been going on for about a month (it was a long distance relationship). I was shocked/hurt and disappointed but decided it was in my best interest to cut contact with him altogether. I immediately called and left a voicemail telling him not to contact/communicate with me in any way and then I blocked my phone, email etc. so I could clear my head and heal without dealing with him.
What are your thoughts about using NC and it's appropriateness?
Was a kinder/gentler break up in order?
Thanks! -H
When I broke up with my AXBF 2 weeks ago I immediately went NC.
During his last drunk call he revealed to me that he had been playing mind games and lying to me. Afterward, I had an 'AH-HA moment' when I thought back and realized this behavior had probably been going on for about a month (it was a long distance relationship). I was shocked/hurt and disappointed but decided it was in my best interest to cut contact with him altogether. I immediately called and left a voicemail telling him not to contact/communicate with me in any way and then I blocked my phone, email etc. so I could clear my head and heal without dealing with him.
What are your thoughts about using NC and it's appropriateness?
Was a kinder/gentler break up in order?
Thanks! -H
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
no contact. block his number from your cell phone. Or just get another one. It makes it much easier. Once he calls and gets the "number you have reached is no longer in service", he will get the hint.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I have had to use No Contact in a relationship or two. It can be difficult but I have learned that the further away I get from toxic, manipulative people, the better my mental health. I have also found with alcoholics and addicts, that I seriously need to protect myself from them, because I fall for their tricks, lies and manipulations too easily. No Contact is a tool I have learned to use to protect myself in these situations. I think you should trust those instincts of yours and stop second-guessing yourself. Good on you for taking the right steps for you!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
I couldn't agree more. No contact is the right thing to do. You are a smart one!
I do have to say though, that I find it interesting, and I have been guilty of it myself, as so many others here: The alcoholics in our lives lie to us, and mistreat us, and put us through hell, and then we still always consider how our actions might make them feel. Have we been too harsh, too hasty, too whatever...??
They don't always deserve our consideration. In my opinion.
Keep taking care of you. It is the only path to real happiness, I have found.
I do have to say though, that I find it interesting, and I have been guilty of it myself, as so many others here: The alcoholics in our lives lie to us, and mistreat us, and put us through hell, and then we still always consider how our actions might make them feel. Have we been too harsh, too hasty, too whatever...??
They don't always deserve our consideration. In my opinion.
Keep taking care of you. It is the only path to real happiness, I have found.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
No Contact has saved my mental sanity.
He is very well-versed at his manipulations, and even while in rehab he was trying to run my life over the phone lines. I cannot be in contact with him, or I am in danger of forgetting why I left in the first place.
And there is a giant list of why I left - and no reason for me to go back - but his manipulation is just that believable, and completely false.
He is very well-versed at his manipulations, and even while in rehab he was trying to run my life over the phone lines. I cannot be in contact with him, or I am in danger of forgetting why I left in the first place.
And there is a giant list of why I left - and no reason for me to go back - but his manipulation is just that believable, and completely false.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
there is no reason to continue talking to this person.
they are no longer an active part of your life.
You've already removed yourself entirely so you need to stick with it. I know it isn't easy but it is what is best for you...and for him too. He just doesn't realize it.
I'm having a tough time w/ this myself. Talking to my RAH during the day is just normal, now I'm trying to detach and it's really hard. I'm trying to keep busy, and not think about it. I need to just start turning off my cell during the day.
they are no longer an active part of your life.
You've already removed yourself entirely so you need to stick with it. I know it isn't easy but it is what is best for you...and for him too. He just doesn't realize it.
I'm having a tough time w/ this myself. Talking to my RAH during the day is just normal, now I'm trying to detach and it's really hard. I'm trying to keep busy, and not think about it. I need to just start turning off my cell during the day.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 8
Also, for me it was super difficult for me to break away from my ex alcoholic bf. Mainly because I had witnessed him close to death from alcohol so many times, I drove him to the ER, when he was stuck on these insane alcoholic binges.--
I was presented with similiar shocking information (that he was seeing another woman), and finally took this as my ticket. I did thank god manage to break all contact with him--I missed him desperately at first; I truly hated to give up after all we had been through, but was also shocked as to how much calmer my life became (almost immediately) once he is no longer a part of it.
I was presented with similiar shocking information (that he was seeing another woman), and finally took this as my ticket. I did thank god manage to break all contact with him--I missed him desperately at first; I truly hated to give up after all we had been through, but was also shocked as to how much calmer my life became (almost immediately) once he is no longer a part of it.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by soccer17 
I truly hated to give up after all we had been through
But then I realized that I never really "made it through" anything with him (it was taking its toll on my sanity and my health), and that most of the issues he caused in some way.
Life is so much more relaxing when I'm not participating in man-made fire drills. I finally know the meaning of the word "serenity" because I finally get to live it.
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