hurting12

Just curious about people's opinions about going No Contact after a break up.

When I broke up with my AXBF 2 weeks ago I immediately went NC.

During his last drunk call he revealed to me that he had been playing mind games and lying to me. Afterward, I had an 'AH-HA moment' when I thought back and realized this behavior had probably been going on for about a month (it was a long distance relationship). I was shocked/hurt and disappointed but decided it was in my best interest to cut contact with him altogether. I immediately called and left a voicemail telling him not to contact/communicate with me in any way and then I blocked my phone, email etc. so I could clear my head and heal without dealing with him.

What are your thoughts about using NC and it's appropriateness?

Was a kinder/gentler break up in order?


Thanks! -H

brokenheartfool

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

The shortest path to recovery is no contact--that's your straight line.

Good for you!

suki44883

We recommend no contact all the time here. It's just easier to detach from someone if you aren't hearing their quacking, accusing, pity parties, begging, etc.

Live

It is Far, Far the easier, cleaner way to do it. Broke up is broke up.

zrx1200R

no contact. block his number from your cell phone. Or just get another one. It makes it much easier. Once he calls and gets the "number you have reached is no longer in service", he will get the hint.

Learn2Live

I have had to use No Contact in a relationship or two. It can be difficult but I have learned that the further away I get from toxic, manipulative people, the better my mental health. I have also found with alcoholics and addicts, that I seriously need to protect myself from them, because I fall for their tricks, lies and manipulations too easily. No Contact is a tool I have learned to use to protect myself in these situations. I think you should trust those instincts of yours and stop second-guessing yourself. Good on you for taking the right steps for you!!

Cyranoak

In my opinion it's the best idea.

nodaybut2day

Your instincts were bang on. No contact is the way to go IMO.

seekingcalm

I couldn't agree more. No contact is the right thing to do. You are a smart one!

I do have to say though, that I find it interesting, and I have been guilty of it myself, as so many others here: The alcoholics in our lives lie to us, and mistreat us, and put us through hell, and then we still always consider how our actions might make them feel. Have we been too harsh, too hasty, too whatever...??

They don't always deserve our consideration. In my opinion.

Keep taking care of you. It is the only path to real happiness, I have found.

StarCat

No Contact has saved my mental sanity.

He is very well-versed at his manipulations, and even while in rehab he was trying to run my life over the phone lines. I cannot be in contact with him, or I am in danger of forgetting why I left in the first place.
And there is a giant list of why I left - and no reason for me to go back - but his manipulation is just that believable, and completely false.

blwninthewind

there is no reason to continue talking to this person.

they are no longer an active part of your life.
You've already removed yourself entirely so you need to stick with it. I know it isn't easy but it is what is best for you...and for him too. He just doesn't realize it.

I'm having a tough time w/ this myself. Talking to my RAH during the day is just normal, now I'm trying to detach and it's really hard. I'm trying to keep busy, and not think about it. I need to just start turning off my cell during the day.

tallulah

Worked for me.

soccer17

First of all, I would like to commend you, for standing up for yourself!!

soccer17

Also, for me it was super difficult for me to break away from my ex alcoholic bf. Mainly because I had witnessed him close to death from alcohol so many times, I drove him to the ER, when he was stuck on these insane alcoholic binges.--

I was presented with similiar shocking information (that he was seeing another woman), and finally took this as my ticket. I did thank god manage to break all contact with him--I missed him desperately at first; I truly hated to give up after all we had been through, but was also shocked as to how much calmer my life became (almost immediately) once he is no longer a part of it.

Kahlia

Good for you for the AH-HA momemt, second broke up sometimes means WOKE UP!

Blessings and no more, slurring when he says 'HI,BABY'


KAHLIA

StarCat

I too felt this way.
But then I realized that I never really "made it through" anything with him (it was taking its toll on my sanity and my health), and that most of the issues he caused in some way.

Life is so much more relaxing when I'm not participating in man-made fire drills. I finally know the meaning of the word "serenity" because I finally get to live it.

Babyblue

Mind games and lying?

That is what is called 'pathological' meaning he has some serious issues.

You dodged a bullet. I would have no problem erasing him from my contact list AT ALL.