What is the healing response for a recovering alcoholic?

Old 02-16-2011, 08:27 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
passionfruit's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 283
What is the healing response for a recovering alcoholic?

So if AH says "I realized why I's because I hate my job."

He is blaming.

What is the healing response for a recovering alcoholic?

I drink because i choose to? or what?

Does he have to have a reason why he drinks in order to move past it?

Or does a RA simply not need a reason why he drank and just move on?

I know the answer should be in one of the AA steps.........

I seem to be missing it.
passionfruit is offline  
Old 02-16-2011, 08:35 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
When I read the alcoholics forum, I see them write things like that their drinking started out as fun, then moved into drink when angry, or drink to cope, and then finally--drink because it is a day ending in a y.
In otherwords--any reason is a reason to drink if they want a reason to drink, if they feel they need a reason to drink.
I think eventually they give up on making up reasons to drink and finally accept that they drink because they are alcoholic. No reason necessary.

If they are heavy drinkers but not to the point yet of severe uncontrolled drinking, they may come at this question from another angle, which is using a reason to drink, and combating that reason to find sobriety. Facing their demons and learning how to not abuse alcohol.

True alcoholics though, those are severely physically addicted, can never drink again, ever, period, no debate about it.
brokenheartfool is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to brokenheartfool For This Useful Post:
passionfruit (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 08:41 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
Seren's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,614
Blog Entries: 8
Hi passionfruit!

It seems to me by reading the experiences of the alcoholics and addicts on those threads that there typically is an underlying issue, and that drinking is just a symptom of that problem.

That said, "I hate my job" seems to be just an excuse and a way to lay the blame. Perhaps the best response might be something along the lines of "Oh, I see.'

I hope your husband continues on in his program!

Hugs, HG
Seren is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Seren For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (02-16-2011), passionfruit (02-16-2011), wicked (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 09:14 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
smacked's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Blog Entries: 1
Well.. if he's drinking he's not in recovery or recovering or anything having to do with recovery. At all.

If he's in recovery and actively participating in..well.. recovering, he knows he drinks because 1. he's an alcoholic, 2. because he's using alcohol as a crutch to medicate something else, 3. and/or because he's plain ol addicted to alcohol, and is doing everything he can to address his life and get things in order so as to prevent living as an active drunk.

A lot of people have ****** days on the job, traumatic childhoods, a rainy cloudy day and DONT drink or use drugs. Alcoholics and addicts do.. and it's up to them to figure it out on their own, and embrace recovery because their lives and spirits depend on it.

I say this mostly from my own experience in recovery.
smacked is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to smacked For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (02-17-2011), Dee74 (02-16-2011), Learn2Live (02-16-2011), Live (02-16-2011), nodaybut2day (02-16-2011), passionfruit (02-16-2011), seekingcalm (02-16-2011), StarCat (02-16-2011), suki44883 (02-16-2011), tjp613 (02-16-2011), Tuffgirl (02-16-2011), wicked (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 09:43 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Today is a New Day
StarCat's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by passionfruit View Post
What is the healing response for a recovering alcoholic?

I drink because i choose to? or what?

Does he have to have a reason why he drinks in order to move past it?

Or does a RA simply not need a reason why he drank and just move on?
From what I have noticed from the recovered alcoholics I have had the pleasure of speaking with, you will know whether they are blameshifting or taking responsibility for the drinking.

Common answers I have seen are:
"I drank because I drank."
"I drank because I was an alcoholic."
"I drank because that was what I did."

No attempts to shift blame elsewhere.
If you are very close to an alcoholic, and they want to bring you in more on their story in a personal level, they may say things like "It started because..."
But that is merely stating the underlying issue that started the drinking.
I have never heard a recovered/recovering alcoholic try to blame the continual drinking on anything other than alcoholism.

Thinking about it, it is probably a liberating feeling to let go of why they kept drinking, and admit they're an alcoholic - like our 3C's.
We resist because we feel it makes us powerless, and when we finally accept them it is a liberating, empowering feeling, and we can move on to the next right thing.
Once you harness that power, why try to hide it again by blaming things that aren't to blame?

Just my two cents.
StarCat is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to StarCat For This Useful Post:
keepinon (02-16-2011), passionfruit (02-16-2011), Tuffgirl (02-16-2011), wicked (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 10:01 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Tuffgirl's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
I've watched my RAH go from blaming me, to blaming other aspects of his life, to finally acknowledging he drank because he was bored, angry, lonely, depressed, etc; not because of any other external circumstance, and then finally to saying out loud he drank because he is an alcoholic. But it has been a process over the last 90 days, and one I am sure will continue to be a struggle for him in the months and years to come. At first I argued with him, and boy did it **** him off! And now I just nod my head and agree when he opens up about why he drank and the choices he made. I don't look any deeper, because it doesn't matter anyway. His process is his process.

That said - doesn't mean I am not mulling it over silently in my head and disagreeing with him when he starts to shift blame! Just that now I know better than to try to point out when he's wrong or being a blamer. I just...
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
passionfruit (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 05:41 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
keepinon's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I think you are not hearing any surrender in his answer and that is what may be bothering "I am an alcoholic"..or "I have used every excuse in the world to drink" or something that tells you he"gets it".When you SEE true recovery you will know.
keepinon is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to keepinon For This Useful Post:
passionfruit (02-17-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), wicked (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 05:56 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
A work in progress
LexieCat's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I had "reasons" why I started to drink heavily, and they made sense to me at the time. And maybe they really WERE the reasons, in the beginning. But at some point, whatever your reasons for drinking, the alcohol stops "working" for you. And you keep trying to MAKE it "work" for you again. And eventually you realize, one day, that you have pretty much lost the power of choice about whether you drink. You drink because you HAVE to.

I've heard other scenarios from other alcoholics--everyone's story isn't identical and the progression of the disease isn't the same in everyone. Some people swear they were alcoholics from the first drink. I believe them. I think my alcoholism developed more slowly and insidiously. The end result, though, is the same. In the end, you live to drink, and you drink to live.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Learn2Live (02-16-2011), passionfruit (02-17-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), theuncertainty (02-16-2011), Tuffgirl (02-16-2011), wicked (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 06:57 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Blog Entries: 5
Does he have to have a reason why he drinks in order to move past it?
"I drink because I had a bad day" is Denial.
Learn2Live is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Learn2Live For This Useful Post:
passionfruit (02-17-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), theuncertainty (02-16-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:14 PM.