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Memory loss?

Old 02-09-2011, 06:46 PM
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Memory loss?

When I try to recall details of the past 10 years, some of it is missing. Does anybody else suffer from this? Is it a ptsd type of thing or something unique to me?
It seems I was so very focused on exah that I didn't store things in my memory bank to do with my kids, etc., whereas anything surrounding the ex is perfectly clear, or seems to be.
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Old 02-09-2011, 06:59 PM
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I have wondered the same thing, especially recently. I am on mild anti-depressants, and I mean mild - like the lowest dose possible and I cut those in half. I think acute stress leads to selective memory loss.

Or we're just getting old.

I'd rather call it stress!
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:50 PM
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My memory loss involves not being able to remember all the times I cried because of his drinking or how angry I felt all the time. My husband recalls word for word conversations when I was mean to him. I just remember the good times and how much I miss him now. What is wrong with me?
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:02 PM
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Yes. Compartmentalization is the official name. the memories are there. You just locked them away in a place your subconscious mind doesn't want you to find. In time, they will come back. If you want them to.

But if there is nothing really there worth remembering, why go digging them up.

I have few real memories of the last 20 years. I'm not saying it was a black out. I'm only suggesting many people in our circumstances box up the bad times and file them away.

My father, who doesn't live with an alcoholic has a phenomenal memory. I will start talking about something from years ago and he has almost perfect recall. As we discuss the event, I will then remember it just as clear. It's just that I can't access the files.

Just one more of the things those of us living with alcoholics share.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy View Post
My memory loss involves not being able to remember all the times I cried because of his drinking or how angry I felt all the time. My husband recalls word for word conversations when I was mean to him. I just remember the good times and how much I miss him now. What is wrong with me?
Nothing - you are a positive thinker. Good for you! The cup's half full!

What's wrong with HIM to remember all the bad stuff?!
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Old 02-10-2011, 05:20 AM
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Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy
My memory loss involves not being able to remember all the times I cried because of his drinking or how angry I felt all the time. My husband recalls word for word conversations when I was mean to him. I just remember the good times and how much I miss him now. What is wrong with me?
I have memory loss about many things, I have to write bad stuff down as I don't ever remember it, until I read it again, and then I am amazed that I have forgotten it, and amazed that I didn't leave right then. It hasn't been as positive for me as Tuffgirl suggests, it helped to keep me in a relationship that was horrible because I never evaluated the relationship as a whole, with its ongoing pattern of awful, only ever the latest incident in isolation, and everyone makes the odd mistake, and deserves a second-chance right? rinse and repeat for years.
And during the time we were together, I was about as far away froma positive thinker as it is possible to get.
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Old 02-10-2011, 05:25 AM
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yes: It's like they are in a filing cabinet that I have forgotten exists, someone else or my diary reminds me about that filing cabinet and pulls out a file and I can recall fine, but remembering that it's there in the first place is tricky
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Old 02-10-2011, 06:11 AM
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I don't remember the bad (usually) either.
I did start writing things down at the end, so I wouldn't forget them (and then believe I did the wrong thing), but I try not to dig through it.

The only thing I have right now that shows me how upsetting most of the relationship was are the poems I wrote. They're all really dark, and some of them look like I was about to... Well, you can guess.

I don't remember what inspired me to write any of them, but they're there, and that's how I was feeling.
I think that's the best way for me to remember it, rather than start crying about specific incidents I'd rather just look back and say "I was really upset most of the time. I'm really happy most of the time now. I did the right thing."
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
I have wondered the same thing, especially recently. I am on mild anti-depressants, and I mean mild - like the lowest dose possible and I cut those in half. I think acute stress leads to selective memory loss.

Or we're just getting old.

I'd rather call it stress!
I just read that prolonged stress creates more memory loss than acute stress. This is interesting, because living with an alcholic is prolonged stress, and acute, I assume, is just the drama occurances.
Getting old? Huh? We're just getting going!

Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy View Post
My memory loss involves not being able to remember all the times I cried because of his drinking or how angry I felt all the time. My husband recalls word for word conversations when I was mean to him. I just remember the good times and how much I miss him now. What is wrong with me?
I think my mind is playing tricks on me. Apart from him, I don't remember the bad stuff as well as the good stuff. Then something triggers a memory of the bad stuff, or I have contact and hear the controlling condescending attitude, and it comes rushing back. Nothing's wrong with you--it's probably just that you're not around it daily anymore, and you're listening to that part of your heart that misses him and dismissing the bad that happened.

Originally Posted by zrx1200R View Post
Yes. Compartmentalization is the official name. the memories are there. You just locked them away in a place your subconscious mind doesn't want you to find. In time, they will come back. If you want them to.

But if there is nothing really there worth remembering, why go digging them up.

I have few real memories of the last 20 years. I'm not saying it was a black out. I'm only suggesting many people in our circumstances box up the bad times and file them away.

My father, who doesn't live with an alcoholic has a phenomenal memory. I will start talking about something from years ago and he has almost perfect recall. As we discuss the event, I will then remember it just as clear. It's just that I can't access the files.

Just one more of the things those of us living with alcoholics share.
Yeah, I felt badly though because I wasn't remembering some things about raising my kids, details, daily unimportant stuff.
Then I remembered where my focus was--always on him. Naturally the brain would store more memories of where the focus was. Not good that my focus was on him instead of spread out across all the people and concerns in my life.
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by JenT1968 View Post
I have memory loss about many things, I have to write bad stuff down as I don't ever remember it, until I read it again, and then I am amazed that I have forgotten it, and amazed that I didn't leave right then. It hasn't been as positive for me as Tuffgirl suggests, it helped to keep me in a relationship that was horrible because I never evaluated the relationship as a whole, with its ongoing pattern of awful, only ever the latest incident in isolation, and everyone makes the odd mistake, and deserves a second-chance right? rinse and repeat for years.
And during the time we were together, I was about as far away froma positive thinker as it is possible to get.
Me too. Very negative those years. Very depressed and angry.

Originally Posted by StarCat View Post
I don't remember the bad (usually) either.
I did start writing things down at the end, so I wouldn't forget them (and then believe I did the wrong thing), but I try not to dig through it.

The only thing I have right now that shows me how upsetting most of the relationship was are the poems I wrote. They're all really dark, and some of them look like I was about to... Well, you can guess.

I don't remember what inspired me to write any of them, but they're there, and that's how I was feeling.
I think that's the best way for me to remember it, rather than start crying about specific incidents I'd rather just look back and say "I was really upset most of the time. I'm really happy most of the time now. I did the right thing."
Good for you for documenting your feelings in poetry. Let yourself feel. Had a few dark moments myself.
Nothing reminds me though as much as when he calls and the conversation is full of intimidation and manipulation.
Then I remember I lived that life on a daily basis.
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Old 02-10-2011, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by brokenheartfool View Post
Good for you for documenting your feelings in poetry. Let yourself feel.
There are two worlds in which I live
The one I keep, the one I give
One world is bright and full of sun
It is a very special one
Where everything is going well
The other is a living hell
Of dark depression, how I feel
This dark one is the one that's real
The sunny light is what I show
To those I meet, they'll never know
The dark world is where I reside
Where I just want to run and hide
From nightmares, lies, and indecision
My life needs a full revision
Hatred, tears, fighting, and curses
Pack them up in little hearses
Send them on their dismal way
Returning to a better day
But I am stuck, no where to turn
No answers yet that I can learn
And here I sit, and here I weep
For dreams and hope I just can't keep

There are two worlds where I lay my head
The first is fake, the second, dead



NEVER AGAIN.
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Old 02-10-2011, 10:10 AM
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I can't remember what I wanted to post!
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Old 02-10-2011, 03:14 PM
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I blocked out as much of it as possible. I was also so deeply buried in denial that I may have missed some things here and there. However, certain events burn so brightly in my memory I don't know if I'll ever forget them. And I want to forget them.

The goal, I think, is to remember enough to not make the same mistakes all over again.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 02-10-2011, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by kiki5711 View Post
I can't remember what I wanted to post!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you - I needed a good belly laugh today! Good one!

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